Trying To Be Perfect

Posted on Apr 21, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Have you ever tried so hard to get all your ducks in a row – and the minute you feel you have them perfectly lined up, something comes along that you didn’t plan for and your ‘ducks’ start moving in all sorts of directions?

Or, what about a time in your life when you’re in a situation that you don’t want to be in. Maybe you’re aching for something to change, but you’re stuck and just can’t see a way out. Or maybe you’re in a crisis situation where you’re feeling lots of painful and uncomfortable emotions and you just want to run and hide away from it all.

The Truth is – life gets really hard sometimes – and it can feel frustrating, scary and downright crappy to be in a situation that you feel you have absolutely no control over. That no matter how hard you try to change the situation, or the feelings you’re experiencing – nothing is shifting, changing or moving.

And the biggest challenge and thorn in your side is – feeling a pressure to change the situation you’re in – because, after all, life isn’t supposed to be this way – it should be easier, less hard, and feeeeel better.

Can you relate with having felt this way at one time or another? Or maybe you’re feeling this way now?

If you’ve ever felt this way – congratulations – you’re human!

The biggest misconception and lie in our society today is believing that the crappy emotions don’t have value – and if you’re feeling them, then something must be wrong – and it’s your job to fix it immediately – and get yourself to feeling better – and changing your situation and your bad feelings – pronto!

Yet, what I’m here to do is to give you permission to feel all the feelings that you’re having – and not pretend that life should always be rosy – and that life should always feel fair. That sometimes, we hit roadblocks and real crises that make us feel sad, depressed, overwhelmed, scared and just plain stuck – not knowing where to turn – and it’s okay to feel this way and not feel the pressure to do anything about it – or try to change it right away.

Last week I had my own AHA around this when I listened in on a colleague speak about the subject of cultivating equanimity. Learning how-to allow yourself to experience and feel both pleasure and pain in life – and to understand and accept the fact that – we live in a world of duality – and in life – we’ll all have moments of great joy and we’ll all have moments of great sadness.

The key is: learning how-to cultivate equanimity where you’re not swept away by the flood of emotions – whether pleasurable or painful – and you’re able to endure and/or experience them without allowing them to overshadow you and define how life should always be.

See, the thing is – we’ve all been unconsciously conditioned – in one way or another – to believe that life should always feel good – and if it doesn’t feel good – then we need to find something that will make it feel good fast! Whether that’s a new pair of shoes, an ice-cream sundae, a toxic relationship, or working extra hard – there are all sorts of ways we try not to feel the bad stuff – to numb the pain – and try to lessen the blows with outside stimulants that will make us feel better in a moment, but not in a life-time.

And it’s true even with pleasurable emotions – when we have enjoyment we try to have more – and then create an overwhelming pressure for life to always feel good.

Quite honestly, it’s exhausting to always try to make life perfect don’t you think? But for most of us – this is exactly what we do each day – try to be perfect, act perfect, and manipulate the outer world to make us feel better on the inside.

But what I’ve learned from first-hand experience of loads of trial and error – and loads of trying to manipulate life – and trying to squeeze every last drop of happiness by how my outer world looks – is realizing that true happiness comes when we’re able to cultivate the awareness of Truth which is knowing that sometimes life feels great – and sometimes life doesn’t feel so great – and just this knowing is truly empowering.

Check-out the Worth Work below where I speak more about what this looks like and how it can apply to how you approach life and your everyday existence.



Consider where you may be ‘trying to be perfect’ – and where you feel pressure to have everything be, look and feel perfect.

Then consider, what are your expectations for how things should look in this area? And where did those expectations come from? Where did it get programmed into you that if this situation, circumstance or area isn’t ‘perfect’, then something must be wrong?

Also consider that if certain circumstances, conditions or results in your life aren’t perfect, and don’t feel good, what outside sources do you run to in order to get through the situation –or try to numb it – or make those ‘not good’ feelings go away? Food, shopping, toxic relationships, etc.?

Then, consider the Truth that dawned on me in my own AHA moment last week – that we’re all guaranteed at numerous times in life – for life not to feel good – and the KEY is – how we choose to respond to those situations that make all the difference – whether good or bad.

How does this Truth give you strength in how you react to things? Does it give you strength to know that it’s okay to feel bad and just feel as opposed to reaching for an outside stimulant to make it go away?

Cultivating equanimity was a key learning for me – and something I wanted to share with you this week – and that allowing yourself to be calm, still and not effected by whatever is going on in your life – gives you true power – and it is a beautiful tool to have in your Claim Your Worth!® – toolkit!


Have a beautiful, worthy week!

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