Posts Tagged ‘Your Best Self’

Self Worth vs. Self Esteem

Posted on Aug 1, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you allow yourself to let-go, success can flow!” 

Do you ever wonder what the difference is between your self-esteem and your self-worth?

Meditating with Rudraksha beads

The two are very closely aligned – like brother and sister are in the bloodline.

Yet, there is also a major distinction to be made between the two – and I’ve discovered this through loads of contemplation and study – and direct experience. So, as a disclaimer, whatever I describe below is based on my own experience and beliefs – and certainly isn’t the only way in which to view the distinction.

Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on your actions. It’s what you have control over. It’s how you feel about yourself from the inside/out. Overall, are you proud of yourself for who you are, what you stand for and what actions you take and don’t take based on the values that you choose to orient your life around?

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Your self-worth, has a much more spiritual bend to it (again, my opinion) because it’s directly related to your identity, your sense of self, your overall feeling of importance and value in this world. Overall, do you feel that you deserve to be here on the earth plane and have the right to take up space – and to be happy within that space you call your life?

The major difference is: Self-esteem is geared towards doing vs. Self-worth is more about being. Both have a tremendous amount of value – and serve very different purposes in your life. They both also work beautifully together when married in their natural energies.

The Truth is: most of the teachings ‘out there’ focus on boosting your self-esteem.

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Do you ever feel this way about your self worth?

Posted on Jul 17, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

carefreewomanThis past weekend I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine. And, true to form, she and I were getting deep into conversation about life, love and everyday worthiness.

I remember at some point in our conversation I had said to her – there is a big misconception in our society that the more you DO the more you’re worth.

Have you ever stopped to think about this?

Now that you have, do you have a belief system that aligns with this?

Believing that the more you do, achieve and show what you can do to the world, the more you earn your worth and finally can receive what you want.

This earning of worth is a feeling as if you huff and puff and try harder and harder and finally, after you’ve exerted yourself, then you can feel accomplished and worthy.

Can you relate?

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Fear of Being Seen

Posted on Nov 17, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when you are brave enough to explore the darkness will you discover the infinite power of our light.” ~Brené Brown

Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk shows you how to literally take up space in the world.

I highly recommend practicing some of the postures (as she suggests in private) and accessing how you feel inside yourself.

Then, access how you’d feel outside in the world.

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Caring for Yourself vs. Fixing Yourself

Posted on Oct 27, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Coaching doesn’t make sick people well…it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary.” ~Thomas Leonard

Last week I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about how we all can get into the trap of self-help addiction and believing that – paying attention to your growth and evolution means fixing yourself.

In other words, there is something wrong with you that needs to be “helped”, (a.k.a. self-help).

Not true. There isn’t anything wrong with you – and nothing that needs to be “fixed”.

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Feeling Un-Valued: A Real Life Example

Posted on Apr 7, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“We teach people how to treat us. You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don’t.” ~Dr. Phil

Last weekend I scheduled a very long over-due facial. It’s sad to think about how long it had been – perhaps 4-5 years since I’ve had one? Yikes! Yet, 2014 has been a year where I’ve committed to certain acts of self-care (massages, facials, etc.) – and have stopped defining them a luxury and made them a necessity for feeling good.

Needless to say, I was excited while I sat in the waiting area of the spa – and looking forward to receiving some much needed pampering.

The esthetician eventually came out to greet me. Immediately I felt weird in my body as the initial encounter felt odd and cold.

No warm greeting. No hand-shake. Just a simple statement: “Are you Brenda?” she said. “Yes.” I replied. Then she walked away. I assumed she expected me to follow her? I shrugged it off, got up to follow her, and turned the corner to find her joking around with the receptionist. She turned around looking annoyed, as if to remember she now needed to work, and opened the door to the back area.

I thought to myself: “This doesn’t feel right. I don’t like her energy. This isn’t what I envisioned for being pampered and able to have some serious down-time. I’m feeling stressed, uncomfortable and annoyed.”

But, once again, I shrugged it off and thought to myself that I was just over reacting. I made myself believe I was being overly sensitive and I must be imagining this whole encounter.

A very bad habit of mine has been always believing it’s me, not them.

Being an intuitive, sensitive person, I’ve been a pro at taking on other people’s “stuff” and trying to make them feel better and more comfortable. I realize now that I’ve done this because I learned from a very early-age that I needed to become who “they” wanted me to be in order to receive any morsel of love or acceptance.

Needless to say, this is a habit that I am consciously breaking – no more taking responsibility for “stuff” that isn’t mine.

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Valuing Yourself: A Real World Example

Posted on Mar 31, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” ~Malcolm S. Forbes

Last weekend, I bought a new car – a Jeep in fact – and I couldn’t be happier with my decision – or the entire buying process.

I wanted to share this story with you because after sharing it with a very good friend, she said: “Wow, you really valued yourself through that entire process huh?”

I hadn’t realized at the time, that the process I instituted was a tangible, real-world example of valuing myself. But, looking back, I can see now that it absolutely is/was, hence the reason I want to share.

For starters, going into this car buying process, I took the time to document all that I wanted with my new vehicle. It helped that through my experience with my lease, I knew what I didn’t want which gave me lots of clarity on what I wanted.

I knew for sure that I needed to buy a car vs. lease one, because I drive way too much for a lease. I also knew that if I was planning to keep this car for quite some time (which I am), that I wanted the interior to be classy and comfortable with all the fixings.

Based on what I wanted, I then narrowed my search down to 3-4 cars and had one brand– Jeep – kept winning out. I looked at some other SUVs, but Jeep kept coming to the top of the list each time. I can’t tell you why necessarily because all the other brands were comparable – but there was something about the Jeep brand that resonated with me.

So, then, I went to work. To motivate me and keep myself accountable, I made an appointment with a Jeep dealership – so that I would have to do my research and prepare thoroughly for the appointment. I knew I had a month to make a decision, but I wanted to go into my first appointment prepared.

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Motivated By Your Inner Critic?

Posted on Mar 3, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Success in any endeavor depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self.” ~Ralph Marston

We all have that voice within.

You know the one that crops-up when you’re attempting to make any type of positive change in your life. It either whispers, or speaks to you in a loud scream, something that sounds like: “Don’t Bother!”

If you allow the voice to continue to give you “advice” you’ll have convinced yourself in about 30-seconds of all the reasons why you shouldn’t make any type of change, or even attempt trying.

Not only does the voice do a great job of preventing you from trying to make any type of positive changes, but it also is phenomenal at beating you down, and making you feel really bad and small for things that you can’t seem to handle in your everyday life.

If you pay attention, you’ll notice your inner critic voice will point out everything you’re doing wrong in so many areas of your life.

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Rolling with Life’s Punches

Posted on Nov 14, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“When a poet digs himself into a hole, he doesn’t climb out. He digs deeper, enjoys the scenery, and comes out the other side enlightened.” ~Criss Jami

The above quote is very true.

If we could only look at life’s challenges this way – that eventually they contribute to our art (and heart) and that we all come out the other side of them stronger and more enlightened.

When life throws you punches, do you have this perspective?

It’s not easy to have this perspective at the time – especially when you’re in “the hole” as Criss describes in his quote.

So the question remains, what do you do when life throws you punches? Retract or get stronger?

I have a hunch that you make yourself stronger. That you discover what you’re made of. That you learn how truly resilient that you are. And….you realize that you truly do have a Higher Self that is guiding you – you just need to learn to lean on your Higher Self to get you through.

Leaning on anyone or anything is hard enough to do in general everyday life for us women (and men) who are used to being General Managers of the Universe ;) – but is especially hard when you’ve been thrown a big punch by life….

Lately I’ve been thrown a few unexpected punches and this year has proved to be a very challenging one.

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The Secret To Change

Posted on Oct 28, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
~ Carl Bard

The hardest thing that I’ve found for all of us to continually learn is: realizing what you can control and what you can’t. At the end of the day, I believe it always comes back full-circle to the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I always take a deep breath of relief when I recite this prayer to myself, especially when life feels out of control and I feel powerless to change the circumstances.

I recently saw a commercial where the message said: Coping Isn’t Controlling. At first I didn’t think much about it, but then it struck me, it’s true!

When you’re in a trial, or simply trying to understand what’s next for you – and you’re trying to cope with “what is” when “what is” isn’t what you want, the natural tendency is to want to control circumstances and get them to change.

But what if, the secret to change is to know what you have control over and what you don’t. What if there were a way to know what you can control and what you can’t.

Often without even realizing it, we all feel powerless to change anything at times. Life gets very shaky and the future feels incredibly uncertain.

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The Truth About Law of Attraction

Posted on Jul 8, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens.” ~Dan Millman

We’ve all heard the New Age terms: “Appreciate the now.”, “Be in the moment”.

Great advice but hard advice to implement right? Especially when you feel that the moment, the now, isn’t how it *should* be or look.

I believe we all have discontentment – and oftentimes that discontentment can be healthy- if it’s balanced.

How discontentment becomes unhealthy is when we aren’t appreciating the moments and what is – now. As the quote above insinuates – suffering is thinking that life should look different than how it ‘is’.

Of course this is a control thing – feeling as if you need to control your outcomes, your life to look a certain way.

And this is the real crux of it all – believing that you are totally responsible for your life situation, circumstances and results.

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