Posts Tagged ‘Type A Personality’

A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.

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Change vs. Transformation

Posted on Feb 4, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” ~Tony Robbins

The biggest misconception that I see with us humans is: believing we need to change who we are in order to experience what we deeply desire.

That when it comes to our own self-worth, that something must be fixed before we can feel worthy.

But what if nothing needs to be fixed before you feel worthy? What if everything that has happened up until this point is perfect and is in complete alignment with your Divine Plan?

You may be feeling major resistance at this point to even consider this – as you think back over “mistakes” you’ve made, flaws you believe you have, or failures that you’ve endured.

But stick with me in just contemplating and considering this question: What if you’re playing your role perfectly and reading the script you’ve been given to a tee?

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Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Posted on Dec 19, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable ~Helen Keller

“…to behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefetable”
What a statement huh? Helen Keller certainly had in-sight for sure even though she couldn’t ‘see’ on the outside.

That is very telling considering that most of us are so focused on the external world that we can’t connect with the internal – which is really where all the joy, beauty and magic lives!

Yet, to re-capture our child-like innocence – we must find the strength and courage it takes to live more freely in a world that can feel very limiting and constricted.

This is the challenge – feeling like you’re trapped in a life that is full of everyday mundane responsibilities, when all you really yearn to do is soar to greater heights – and experience more freedom, fun and flexibility with your days.

And, this is what we’ve been discussing in the
December Call Series, how-to get clear and organized in your thought processes for 2012 and learn how you can experience what it is that you really want both in the long-term and short term – and make it a reality in your everyday life.

With the visioning process and thinking outside your present reality, lots of resistance crops-up – where I witness folks trying to think about new possibilities or ‘what could be’ different in their lives – yet getting stuck in wanting and needing to know HOW it will happen!

Yet, as I always say, it isn’t your job to know the HOW.

But, you may ask, what’s the formula for letting go of some control, and also knowing what I’m responsible for and what I’m not?

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Tap Into Your Real Motivations

Posted on Dec 12, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Little by little one walks far” ~ Peruvian Proverb

Understanding what really motivates you is a process that happens in stages. And, part of that process is learning to distinguish between what it is that you want (aspire to) and what it is that you need (driven by).

I reference Unmet Needsunmet needs often as part of the Claim Your Worth!® process because understanding how needs drive you to take action (and not to take action) is fundamental to your own self-discovery and understanding of what makes you tick.

And the key factor in this is knowing when you want something to happen why it is that you want it.

Most of us don’t know why we want things – the main motivation is usually: I just want things to be different than how they are right now. If you really think about it, most of us were brought-up with the belief that we need to constantly be moving, changing, succeeding because time is running out and if we don’t keep going after the goal, then someone else will get there before you!

Can you relate?

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Get Focused and Less Distracted

Posted on Dec 8, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” ~Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs statement above says it perfectly –“Simple can be harder than complex”.
Very true, especially when you’re creative person who has a ton of great ideas on how you can express yourself and do all the things that you yearn to do.

So, why is it so hard to pick something to focus on when you’re really creative and have lots of ideas? Why do you sometimes (or all the time perhaps) give in to doing nothing vs. taking action on something?

I’ve found 3 main areas which include:

  • Fear of Failure: the fear that you may fail and try something that doesn’t work out
  • Fear of Sacrifice: the in-ability to choose something to take action on because you fear you’ll have to give-up the other things you yearn to do as well
  • Fear of “How”: not knowing all the details and how-to’s on how something will happen and yearning to have an A-Z plan to create complete certainty.

Again, as Steve Jobs says: “Simple can be harder than complex”. Your mind yearns to KNOW, to have all the answers, to crave certainty – and if it doesn’t get all these aspects fed, then it won’t take any action at all.

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Fear of Disappointment

Posted on Nov 14, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ~Paulo Coelho

The other day I had one of the best conversations with a new client whom, at the time, was trying to determine if now is the right time for her to start on the path of deeper Self-Discovery.

In our brief 20-minute call, she and I were able to determine the depth of her indecisiveness and her feeling overwhelmingly stuck. The key moment in the call was when she admitted: “I’m afraid to try again! I’m afraid to venture out and try after I’ve tried to improve my life in other ways and it didn’t work”.

She was so surprised when the words were uttered out of her mouth as she had no idea that this was the resistance and fear that was holding her back.

A strong fear of disappointment (being disappointed again) is what holds most people back from pursuing what they really, really want. It’s this fear that keeps them ‘safe’ but miserable, stuck but so ‘secure’.

Why is this so? Why do we as a society fear being disappointed and do our best to try to avoid it?

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Afraid To Make The Wrong Decision?

Posted on Nov 8, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Indecision is often worse than wrong action.”- Henry Ford

The fear of making the wrong decision is, like all false fears, debilitating . It keeps you stuck, feeling paralyzed, boxed in, and afraid to make any type of move. So…in an attempt to try to remain in some sort of control, you don’t do anything.

Being stuck sucks.

Like Henry Ford states in his statement above, indecision feels worse than making a “mistake”. Why? Because taking action gives you confidence and having confidence helps you feel more
courageous. When you feel courage you take more action. You evolve as the result and get to do it all over again as you go to new levels of self-discovery.

As I referenced Learning To Trust Yourself Article imagine that every decision that you made was the “right” one and it moved you forward on the path of your Divine Plan? So in Truth, you couldn’t really make a mistake. It truly is fantastically freeing!

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Getting Out Of Overwhelm

Posted on Nov 2, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.” ~Pauline R. Kezer

When you feel overwhelmed by all there is to ‘do’, you feel powerless and buried under a heap of responsibilities. You may often struggle with feeling stuck and unmotivated – and hear your inner critic voice say: “Why bother even trying – it’s not going to make a difference anyways”.

Sound familiar?

If you’ve struggled with a consistent pattern of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, tired and burnt-out – by all there is to ‘do’ –and never feeling like you will be able to catch-up, then I invite you to look a little deeper and determine what may be driving you to want to feel overwhelmed.

Wanting to feel overwhelmed? Are you crazy? Who would want that!?

As I’ve written in the Heavy Expectations Article when you crave more time, more space, more balance, more sanity in your life – and then you actually get it – you may not know what to do with all that space because you’re so used to thriving on the overwhelmed feelings.

The challenge here is to understand what’s driving you to be more committed to being overwhelmed, stressed and busy – and why these needs are trumping your other needs for less stress, more peace and balance in your life. In other words – what benefit are you getting out of being overwhelmed?

The opposite of overwhelm is to underwhelm which means to “fail to interest or astonish or amaze”.

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Fear, Anxiety and Worry

Posted on Sep 20, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men & women! Do no pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks.” Phillips Brooks

Consider this: When you are a creative individual – someone who is full of ideas, full of energy, full of light – someone who is here to help others and express ideas through a variety of avenues–you will deal with fear, anxiety and worry.

And, these emotions will crop-up each time you decide to make a change, grow, and evolve – so getting used to that fact now will relieve a lot of the stress, right?

Well, one would hope this were true, but it’s not so easy accepting the emotions that don’t feel natural, but are totally natural.

When fear, worry and anxiety have a grip on you – the natural tendency is to want to swat these emotions away as you would a bug flying in your face. You want them gone, pronto.

Yet, if you know that it’s natural and totally normal to feel these feelings more often than not, would you give yourself a break and learn to accept them, almost even welcome them as an anticipated guest in your home?

When attending a spiritual retreat once, I heard someone mention that they judged themselves for feeling emotions such as worry, anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy and envy – all emotions that didn’t feel so “spiritual” and “pure”. And they were making themselves wrong for feeling them – as if they were reverting back to their old ways and failing at this whole “spiritual thing”.

Yet, feeling emotions is purifying. Have you ever heard the term: “You need to feel to heal?”

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Giving Yourself Credit

Posted on Sep 6, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Women who set a low value on themselves make life hard for all women.” Neliie McClung

Here is a question for you: When was the last time you sat down and acknowledged yourself for what you’ve accomplished, overcome, realized about yourself, contributed to others, etc. – in the last few months, and even the last several years?

Do you have a memory of this – or is the answer – not so much. Or never?

If you haven’t been making it a ritual to acknowledge yourself and how much progress and contribution you make every day – and every year – then I highly recommend making this a new habit in your life.

Most of us were brought up to believe that to acknowledge yourself for anything means that you’re a show-off, know-it-all, or you’re self-absorbed. And as a result of this, there is a subconscious fear and message running like a tape drive in your mind saying – whatever you do, it’s never going to be enough, and it’s not that big of a deal.

I remember reading a story years back about Oprah and how she was tangled up in some subconscious beliefs around her weight. The story went on to explain a deeper block that she held which was: If I’m too much they won’t like me – I can’t be pretty too and have all this!

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