Posts Tagged ‘Trying to Be Perfect’

A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.

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You Have What It Takes

Posted on Sep 20, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“You’ve been given the perfect life to teach what you most need to learn. The greatest teachers are given the greatest challenges. Accept that your life will never be perfect but the circumstances are perfect for you to continually evolve yourself while you continually help to evolve others. ~Me :)

As I discussed in last week’s Note Worthy, the recent Creative Life/Business Retreat that I taught was transformative, not only for the women attending, but for me as well.

I explained to the gals in attendance that I’ve been facing my own resistance around certain areas of life- especially when it comes to the work that I do.

I’ve known for quite some time that a deeper level of sharing is required to help teach these concepts and help others know they aren’t alone on the journey of claiming your worth in all areas of your life.

And, as it has always been so in my case, my life has been perfectly designed to continually learn and challenge myself within the area of self-worth – and – as I’m learning first-hand, the “Worth Work” never ends.

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Accepting What Is

Posted on Mar 7, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Life is accepting what is and working from that.” ~Gloria Naylor

Accepting “what is” is probably the hardest thing for us to do. Afterall, isn’t the purpose of life to change what is?

Unconsciously – the collective belief “out there” in our world is to constantly change and improve our circumstances, ourselves, relationships, etc – whatever it is – we are taught that it isn’t good enough as is.

We are taught through a variety of mediums (especially advertisers), that we must change in order to be happier, fulfilled and living the good life.

But is that true? Is it true that your happy life and great future exist somewhere out there – in fantasy land?

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Fear of Change

Posted on Feb 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.” ~Robert Henri

It’s inevitable, when you set a strong intention to change your life for the better, all sorts of emotions crop-up that you didn’t expect.

Learning to honor those emotions – all of them – is the KEY to transformation.

Often we don’t realize that our daily lives are playing out patterns from the past – and unconsciously we are each trying to heal old wounds by trying to “do it better” this time around.

And always, when you set a strong intention to experience something new, something better, something different than what you’re used to – painful and very uncomfortable emotions will crop-up.

Again, unconsciously we are more comfortable with the familiar – what we know – what’s predictable.

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Change vs. Transformation

Posted on Feb 4, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more.” ~Tony Robbins

The biggest misconception that I see with us humans is: believing we need to change who we are in order to experience what we deeply desire.

That when it comes to our own self-worth, that something must be fixed before we can feel worthy.

But what if nothing needs to be fixed before you feel worthy? What if everything that has happened up until this point is perfect and is in complete alignment with your Divine Plan?

You may be feeling major resistance at this point to even consider this – as you think back over “mistakes” you’ve made, flaws you believe you have, or failures that you’ve endured.

But stick with me in just contemplating and considering this question: What if you’re playing your role perfectly and reading the script you’ve been given to a tee?

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From Ambition To Meaning

Posted on Jan 24, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.” ~Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

The other morning, during a conversation with a friend, the topic of ambition and the continual chase for more had come up.

My friend was discussing the fact that the continual climb to be better, to achieve goals, and to continually raise the bar, wasn’t working anymore in terms of giving them that fulfilled feeling they normally had experienced.

The conversation reminded me of a Wayne Dyer movie I had watched a few years back:
The Shift. The movie is all about The Shift we all experience where we go from living a life that is all about ambition and succeeding to graduating into a more purposeful life.

In the movie, Wayne explains that The Shift is usually preceded from a “quantum moment” – a moment where we realize there is not only MORE to life – but more to us and what we’re here to contribute.

This is the type of Shift that I see everyday in my work with clients.

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Tap Into Your Real Motivations

Posted on Dec 12, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Little by little one walks far” ~ Peruvian Proverb

Understanding what really motivates you is a process that happens in stages. And, part of that process is learning to distinguish between what it is that you want (aspire to) and what it is that you need (driven by).

I reference Unmet Needsunmet needs often as part of the Claim Your Worth!® process because understanding how needs drive you to take action (and not to take action) is fundamental to your own self-discovery and understanding of what makes you tick.

And the key factor in this is knowing when you want something to happen why it is that you want it.

Most of us don’t know why we want things – the main motivation is usually: I just want things to be different than how they are right now. If you really think about it, most of us were brought-up with the belief that we need to constantly be moving, changing, succeeding because time is running out and if we don’t keep going after the goal, then someone else will get there before you!

Can you relate?

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Breaking Old Habits

Posted on Nov 30, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

If you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to change a habit, understand that there is usually one hidden advantage or liking for that particular behavior just below your conscious
awareness.” ~Hale Dwoskin

As we begin the process of wrapping up 2011, the next few weeks are critical to helping you get clear on your intentions for 2012.

And, as with every visioning and planning process, it’s so vital to know not only what it is that you yearn to achieve in the new year, but why you yearn to achieve certain things and to have certain experiences.

Consider this definition of who we become based on our habits according to Steven Covey – Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “Our character is a composite of our habits, which form a powerful factor in our lives. Because habits are consistent, unconscious patterns, they constantly express our character and produce our effectiveness and ineffectiveness.”

Covey goes on to say in his book that habits have a strong gravitational pull – and breaking deeply imbedded habitual tendencies, (that most of us consider as “bad”) such as; procrastination, impatience, criticalness and selfishness – involve more than just mere willpower.

What you need in order to break deeply imbedded habits that you know are holding you back is: awareness. Awareness of why you have the habits to begin with…and what you’re gaining from having them.

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Afraid To Make The Wrong Decision?

Posted on Nov 8, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Indecision is often worse than wrong action.”- Henry Ford

The fear of making the wrong decision is, like all false fears, debilitating . It keeps you stuck, feeling paralyzed, boxed in, and afraid to make any type of move. So…in an attempt to try to remain in some sort of control, you don’t do anything.

Being stuck sucks.

Like Henry Ford states in his statement above, indecision feels worse than making a “mistake”. Why? Because taking action gives you confidence and having confidence helps you feel more
courageous. When you feel courage you take more action. You evolve as the result and get to do it all over again as you go to new levels of self-discovery.

As I referenced Learning To Trust Yourself Article imagine that every decision that you made was the “right” one and it moved you forward on the path of your Divine Plan? So in Truth, you couldn’t really make a mistake. It truly is fantastically freeing!

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Getting Out Of Overwhelm

Posted on Nov 2, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you do nothing, you feel overwhelmed and powerless. But when you get involved, you feel the sense of hope and accomplishment that comes from knowing you are working to make things better.” ~Pauline R. Kezer

When you feel overwhelmed by all there is to ‘do’, you feel powerless and buried under a heap of responsibilities. You may often struggle with feeling stuck and unmotivated – and hear your inner critic voice say: “Why bother even trying – it’s not going to make a difference anyways”.

Sound familiar?

If you’ve struggled with a consistent pattern of feeling overwhelmed, stressed, tired and burnt-out – by all there is to ‘do’ –and never feeling like you will be able to catch-up, then I invite you to look a little deeper and determine what may be driving you to want to feel overwhelmed.

Wanting to feel overwhelmed? Are you crazy? Who would want that!?

As I’ve written in the Heavy Expectations Article when you crave more time, more space, more balance, more sanity in your life – and then you actually get it – you may not know what to do with all that space because you’re so used to thriving on the overwhelmed feelings.

The challenge here is to understand what’s driving you to be more committed to being overwhelmed, stressed and busy – and why these needs are trumping your other needs for less stress, more peace and balance in your life. In other words – what benefit are you getting out of being overwhelmed?

The opposite of overwhelm is to underwhelm which means to “fail to interest or astonish or amaze”.

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