Posts Tagged ‘Self Sabotage’

Needs vs. Wants

Posted on Jul 16, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

This statement about needs vs. wants , says something so groundbreaking, so fundamental to your ability to experience inner well-being that it could potentially go unnoticed.

Treating your needs as optional is something most all of us have done, or continue to do each day without even realizing it. This is a habit of self-sabotage where you may continually ignore needs that you have without even realizing that’s what you’re doing.

Without knowing that you even have needs, let alone even have the right to honor them, is what can be troubling and will, without a doubt, cause havoc in your life and your overall well-being.

If you’re someone who has loads of responsibilities on your plate – a family, work, relationships and a slew of other responsibilities and tasks that need to be taken care of, you most likely have needs that aren’t getting met in the way that would soothe your soul.

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Approval Addiction

Posted on Jun 4, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“Endearment is a choice; people pleasing is based on need” ~Thomas Leonard

Approval addiction is a real thing – and oftentimes, it remains something you’re unaware of until you find yourself in a situation where you are giving to another the authority to make you feel  less than when they don’t react in the way you expect, or want them to.  

Maybe you’re in a job and have found yourself feeling resentful and stuck because no matter how hard you try, how hard and long you work, no matter what you do, it’s never enough for your boss.

Or, maybe you dream of sharing your voice with others and sharing your knowledge and expertise – but every time you go to put pen to paper, or think about booking a workshop to teach what you know – you freeze and worry about “What will they think of me?”

This is where the key to having a strong relationship with Yourself comes in play – where you give Yourself permission to do what you want to do from a soul-directed place vs. being motivated to please and gain approval from others – and to prove your worth, vs. claim it. 

One road keeps you stuck. The other road sets you free.

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Rolling with Life’s Punches

Posted on Nov 14, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“When a poet digs himself into a hole, he doesn’t climb out. He digs deeper, enjoys the scenery, and comes out the other side enlightened.” ~Criss Jami

The above quote is very true.

If we could only look at life’s challenges this way – that eventually they contribute to our art (and heart) and that we all come out the other side of them stronger and more enlightened.

When life throws you punches, do you have this perspective?

It’s not easy to have this perspective at the time – especially when you’re in “the hole” as Criss describes in his quote.

So the question remains, what do you do when life throws you punches? Retract or get stronger?

I have a hunch that you make yourself stronger. That you discover what you’re made of. That you learn how truly resilient that you are. And….you realize that you truly do have a Higher Self that is guiding you – you just need to learn to lean on your Higher Self to get you through.

Leaning on anyone or anything is hard enough to do in general everyday life for us women (and men) who are used to being General Managers of the Universe ;) – but is especially hard when you’ve been thrown a big punch by life….

Lately I’ve been thrown a few unexpected punches and this year has proved to be a very challenging one.

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You Have What It Takes

Posted on Sep 20, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“You’ve been given the perfect life to teach what you most need to learn. The greatest teachers are given the greatest challenges. Accept that your life will never be perfect but the circumstances are perfect for you to continually evolve yourself while you continually help to evolve others. ~Me :)

As I discussed in last week’s Note Worthy, the recent Creative Life/Business Retreat that I taught was transformative, not only for the women attending, but for me as well.

I explained to the gals in attendance that I’ve been facing my own resistance around certain areas of life- especially when it comes to the work that I do.

I’ve known for quite some time that a deeper level of sharing is required to help teach these concepts and help others know they aren’t alone on the journey of claiming your worth in all areas of your life.

And, as it has always been so in my case, my life has been perfectly designed to continually learn and challenge myself within the area of self-worth – and – as I’m learning first-hand, the “Worth Work” never ends.

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Feeling Deserving of Self-Care

Posted on May 22, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

I’m sure you’ve heard of the powerful statement that Dr. Phil has used which is: “You teach people how to treat you.” Very true statement for sure.

There is another variation to this statement that could read: “Others teach you how to treat you.” In other words, you learn your sense of self-worth early-on based on how you were treated.

If you were nurtured, loved and paid attention to – you most likely have an easy time continuing
these habits for yourself.

If you weren’t nurtured and cared for the way you deserved to be, and you experienced abandonment, neglect, and emotional abuse – then you most likely have a hard time with feeling worthy of self-care. And, you most likely have an easier time forgetting about yourself and focusing on others needs before your own

Feeling worthy of your own time and attention is a skill that most of us need to learn to
incorporate into our everyday lives. Society teaches us that we must do good, give to others, and
be good people. All true statements.

Yet, you truly can’t give what you don’t already have (a.k.a. energy, feeling of fullness and
love, etc.) – when you’re running on an empty tank. We all know how it feels to do for others, but
when you’re doing so out of a sense of guilt and/or obligation, it doesn’t feel so good.

Take for example a client whom the other day had a realization about her own lack of self-care.
She said she knew exactly what she loved to do and wanted to do – but she just didn’t take the time
for herself and couldn’t understand why.

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Carried Shame & Worthiness

Posted on Apr 17, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” ~Ram Dass

In my work with people, the best way I can describe them hovering over a worth issue is when they know what it is that they truly desire and want – yet they struggle with a hold-back – a block of not being able to experience it – and they have no idea why.

The best analogy I heard for this was described by Debbie Ford in one of her books where she said (which I’ll paraphrase): The feeling is like being stuck in a glass capsule. On the outside you can see what it is that you desire. You are close enough to almost touch and taste it – but you’re just far enough away to fully grab on and claim it as yours.

Can you relate with this glass capsule feeling in your own life? Where you desire something to change whether it’s in your work, your relationship(s) or in how you live – but you know you’re hovering over a worth issue, and aren’t really sure what to do with it?

If you can relate, something to consider when it comes to your worthiness challenges is the concept of carried shame.

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A SELF Sabotage Story

Posted on Jul 11, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

Last week’s article – was a popular one with many of you.

I’m so glad that a platform such as the Oprah Show and the network OWN allows me to show you how others – especially well known women – who you may think “have it “ALL”, struggle with self-worth and most importantly – feeling worthy of living a happy, joyful, creative, meaningful, successful, abundant life.

Take for example a well known, amazing author and teacher – Iyanla Vanzant – whom recently returned to the Oprah show after she and Oprah had a falling out. For years Iyanla was a guest on the show. Every other week, Oprah would give her the stage and allow her to counsel and teach the audience on the subject of relationships.

Iyanla was extremely effective and popular, and eventually caught the eye of another network who invited her to dinner with Barbara Walters. The purpose of the dinner was to discuss the potential for Iyanla to do her own show on that network.

Due to Iyanla’s loyalty to Harpo Productions, and her personal respect for Oprah, Iyanla turned the offer down; However, the idea of having her own show intrigued her and she felt in her soul it was time for that to happen.

Before reading on, please watch this video to see where a huge mis-understanding between Oprah and Iyanla came about when Iyanla approached the Harpo team about having her own show.

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The Seesaw of Self Worth Trap

Posted on Jun 28, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.” ~Hal Borland

A couple weeks ago I was out on my daily walk – and noticed a few patches of what looked to be new potential grass the neighbor hoped to have grow-in. The rest of the grass on the lawn was healthy and green, but the patches were cut-outs that were placed on the outskirts – near the road – where cars and foot traffic may have damaged the original grass.

Each day, I walk by the patches and would notice that they were still yellow and no grass had cropped through. Yet, yesterday on my walk, I noticed that long blades of vibrant green grass seemed to have grown overnight.

Normally I wouldn’t think much of this – but I intuitively thought about all the rain we’ve had over the past several days, especially the downpours we’ve endured.

This realization made made me realize that in order for the grass to grow so vibrantly – it needed to endure – and soak-up – all the elements – the so-called good (Light via the Sun) and the so-called bad (Loads of Rain and Darkness).

I use this example because in our lives we must, at some point, realize that the chase for more, the chase for perfection, the chase for all the pieces to perfectly fit, and for everything to be ‘just-so’ – and ‘perfect’ – is fleeting.

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