Posts Tagged ‘Self Honoring’

Approval Addiction

Posted on Jun 4, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“Endearment is a choice; people pleasing is based on need” ~Thomas Leonard

Approval addiction is a real thing – and oftentimes, it remains something you’re unaware of until you find yourself in a situation where you are giving to another the authority to make you feel  less than when they don’t react in the way you expect, or want them to.  

Maybe you’re in a job and have found yourself feeling resentful and stuck because no matter how hard you try, how hard and long you work, no matter what you do, it’s never enough for your boss.

Or, maybe you dream of sharing your voice with others and sharing your knowledge and expertise – but every time you go to put pen to paper, or think about booking a workshop to teach what you know – you freeze and worry about “What will they think of me?”

This is where the key to having a strong relationship with Yourself comes in play – where you give Yourself permission to do what you want to do from a soul-directed place vs. being motivated to please and gain approval from others – and to prove your worth, vs. claim it. 

One road keeps you stuck. The other road sets you free.

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Setting Worthy Goals

Posted on Jan 1, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” ~Victor Frankl

This quote above is very profound and one I suggest you may want to print-out and contemplate.

And what a perfect time to contemplate what success really means to you – as we are embarking on another new year – a year full of hope, anticipation, and excitement – and another year
and chance to ‘get it right’
.

Yet, trying to be successful, or trying to ‘get it right’, can not only cause loads of pressure, tension and stress – it can also feel really unfulfilling.

Think about it – how many times have you ‘gotten the goal’, achieved something that was important to you, and celebrated it – and then felt a deep pressure and a looming anxiety to figure-out what’s next and how you’ll top what you just did?

The habit of constant ‘bar-raising’ never feels fully fulfilling because it’s about achieving goals on the outside and constantly trying to get vs. learning how to give to life so you
can feel worthy of receiving.

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From Burnt Out to Fired Up!

Posted on Feb 10, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

At a very deep level within YOU – you know what it means to truly Claim Your Worth!®. You know that at the end of your life – and at the end of your days – each day – what truly matters is who you allowed yourself to become as a person – and your ability to give and receive love freely and authentically.

Yes, of course, we all know this to be true at a superficial level because this is so much of what is said “out there”. Yet, you can hear the words, but to be able to understand what they mean, you need to experience them for yourself – and experience what it really means to Claim Your Worth!® from the inside/out.

In other words, it’s a totally different story to realize that the beauty, fullness, radiance, security, confidence, courage, and acceptance you seek – is already within YOU. If you aren’t feeling “It”, then you’ve just lost touch with “It” and need to become reacquainted in order to become re-united.

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Protect Your Energy

Posted on May 6, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Never allow what another does steal your joy. You have power to react any way you choose. Be conscious of protecting your positive energy.”

When you are on the conscious path and taking responsibility for how you yearn to, and deserve to, live your life – you will not only battle with your own negative thoughts and inner critic, but you’ll also have to deal with the negative thoughts and inner critics of others.

If you’ve been on the self-development path for quite some time, no doubt you’ve read about, implemented and succeeded at the power of positive thinking. It’s true, what you think about you bring about.

Yet, as with everything, there are always deeper levels to go to with the learning.

As you continue to Claim Your Worth!®, you may notice that it feels like it will get harder before it gets easier. And much of this has to do with your dealings of others who aren’t on the same conscious path as you.

This is in no way to say anyone is “better” or “more evolved” than anyone else. Rather, it simply is the Truth that we all have different roles to play here on planet earth – and everyone is reading their own life script.

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The Importance of Positive Energy

Posted on Sep 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes.” ~William Gibson

I shared the above quote with the group of gals who joined me in Kennebunkport, Maine for the Creative Business/Life Retreat that I held this past weekend. Needless to say we all got a great laugh from the quote and the Truth that the statement exudes.

You may be able to relate – and get a chuckle out of the above statement as well – where you’ve been (or are now being) surrounded by others who you know, aren’t being their Best Selves and, as a result, aren’t encouraging you to be your Best Self either.

This is why being around positive energy and people is so critical to your own growth and success in life, business and relationships. The key is knowing how to discern who and what has served you in the past and will continue to serve you – and who and what will not.

We all get stuck in ruts. We all get stuck in old patterns. And we all get stuck in believing that “this is all there is” and life is meant to be mediocre and bland.

But the Truth is – life is meant to be adventurous, joyous, mysterious, uplifting and constantly changing – which means you as a person are doing all those things! This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with positive energy – and this includes people who are just as committed to your growth and evolution as you are.

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Feeling Less Than Others

Posted on May 8, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” ~Marianne Williamson

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

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A Worthy New Year

Posted on Jan 2, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

Seth Godin’s daily blog is one of the few emails I’ve kept subscribed to throughout the years because his content is always pertinent to our times and extremely valuable.

In a post from last week, Seth struck a chord with the statement: “You don’t need a new plan for next year. You need a commitment.”

How true. Before you make a plan, make sure that you’re committed to what you plan to do.

And then, make sure that you’re just as committed to changing course and being flexible to where the path takes you vs. feeling as if you need to control each step because it’s part of your
“plan”.

We all know at a certain level that planning has value – but knowing exactly how things will un-fold is impossible.

More importantly, a plan is valuable only after you’ve committed to achieving the goal.

Therefore the question really is: How do you know what it is that you’re committed to? And how do you know if you’re really committed to the “right things”? The things that are aligned with your deepest values and who you really are and are meant to become?

The Truth is: our commitments show through our actions. We commit to our choices by what we do, not what we say. And even though you may say that you want something to happen, your
commitment will show through the actions you take or the actions that you don’t take.

It’s a simple concept to cognize, but not an easy concept to understand.

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Get Focused and Less Distracted

Posted on Dec 8, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“That’s been one of my mantras – focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” ~Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs statement above says it perfectly –“Simple can be harder than complex”.
Very true, especially when you’re creative person who has a ton of great ideas on how you can express yourself and do all the things that you yearn to do.

So, why is it so hard to pick something to focus on when you’re really creative and have lots of ideas? Why do you sometimes (or all the time perhaps) give in to doing nothing vs. taking action on something?

I’ve found 3 main areas which include:

  • Fear of Failure: the fear that you may fail and try something that doesn’t work out
  • Fear of Sacrifice: the in-ability to choose something to take action on because you fear you’ll have to give-up the other things you yearn to do as well
  • Fear of “How”: not knowing all the details and how-to’s on how something will happen and yearning to have an A-Z plan to create complete certainty.

Again, as Steve Jobs says: “Simple can be harder than complex”. Your mind yearns to KNOW, to have all the answers, to crave certainty – and if it doesn’t get all these aspects fed, then it won’t take any action at all.

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Clear Clutter and Create Space

Posted on Nov 25, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do. ~Sarah Ban Breathnach

This past weekend I facilitated a workshop with a fabulous group of creative, soulful, ambitious, smart women who all have one thing in common: the desire to live a creative, meaningful life – which encompasses more flexibility, freedom, and FUN!

And the key aspect that goes along with experiencing more flexibility, freedom and fun in your life and work is really a feeling that we all crave – fluidity. The ability to live life in union with your soul – where everyday you take action that feels productive and peaceful.

Imagine that for a moment –to feel productive and peaceful at the same time. Interesting concept for sure – but one that may feel foreign as most of us were taught that to get results, to achieve success, to have anything “pay-off”, that hard work was the value to prioritize in your life.

Yet, for a creative soul that craves MORE – more space, more time, more authentic success – in life and work – the peace along with the productivity have to be absolute yes’s in order to be aligned fully with what you’re here to “do” and be.

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Dealing With Self Doubt

Posted on Oct 17, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

In your life you’ve most likely doubted yourself, your abilities, and your overall
self-worth at some point, right?

Well, that’s actually a really good thing because if you didn’t feel self-doubt, or struggle with your overall worthiness, then you wouldn’t be living up to your full potential and experiencing the growth and evolution that your soul longs for.

See, the thing that I’ve found that has tremendous transformative effects on people is the Truth that – your dreams, desires, and adventures that you long to take, and things that you yearn to do, have absolutely nothing to do with your overall worthiness or feeling deserving, or ‘good enough’ – but in actuality, have everything to do with what your soul came to experience and needs to fully express in order to feel alive.

It really is that simple, yet not always so easy to embrace and then to take action.

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