Posts Tagged ‘Roadblocks’

A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.

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From Burnt Out to Fired Up!

Posted on Feb 10, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”
~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

At a very deep level within YOU – you know what it means to truly Claim Your Worth!®. You know that at the end of your life – and at the end of your days – each day – what truly matters is who you allowed yourself to become as a person – and your ability to give and receive love freely and authentically.

Yes, of course, we all know this to be true at a superficial level because this is so much of what is said “out there”. Yet, you can hear the words, but to be able to understand what they mean, you need to experience them for yourself – and experience what it really means to Claim Your Worth!® from the inside/out.

In other words, it’s a totally different story to realize that the beauty, fullness, radiance, security, confidence, courage, and acceptance you seek – is already within YOU. If you aren’t feeling “It”, then you’ve just lost touch with “It” and need to become reacquainted in order to become re-united.

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Problems Reside In Panic Mode

Posted on Feb 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“If you yearn to make true progress in your life/work/relationships, come at all your circumstances from a place of calm, not chaos.”

One of the most common, and biggest untruths that I see in my work with people (myself included) is: “My power is outside of me”.

This belief shows up in a variety of ways depending on where you are in your life stage.

Take work for example. If you work for someone else you at one point or another, have felt that your employer/your boss has power over your well-being. That, if God forbid, you mess up or disappoint them, you’d be fired and your own sense of safety and security would be threatened.

Or say you work for yourself – you probably feel this belief even stronger – where you don’t have the consistent income (a.k.a Source) of an employer plopping money into your account every other week – and therefore feel a heavy burden of trying to figure-out where the money will come from each month.

The belief that your power lies outside of you shows up everywhere – in relationships, in life, and in work.

Being aware that this false belief exists is the KEY to feel more confident, courageous, and yes, worthy.

It’s my belief that our circumstances – each and every one of them – is a beautiful opportunity to “SEE”, as if looking into a mirror, where the growth opportunities are.

If you feel, or have ever felt, helpless and powerless and as if the circumstances of your life feel out of your control, the first place to begin is looking at the set-up of your life – exactly as it is today and seeing it, and everyone in it, as a mirror that is there to serve you and teach you.

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Feeling Worthy of Joy

Posted on Feb 11, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“”Our eyes are in front because it’s more important to look ahead than to look back. Don’t dwell on things in the past. Learn from them and keep moving forward.” ~Unknown”

Often you hear me talk about here in Note Worthy articles is the habit many of us have to unconsciously settle for the status quo.

To tolerate less than you deserve.

To stay in what you know vs. risking the unknown.

And I’ve found through first-hand experience that this is not only true when it comes to having new experiences in your life, work and relationships, but it’s really all about the feelings/emotions that go along with those experiences.

Often, many of us don’t realize that we’re stuck in neutral – not feeling much of anything because it feels safer there. No risk of feeling pain if something doesn’t work out or we fail, and also no risk of feeling joy and then losing that feeling.

Imagine your feelings are like the stick-shift on your car. Neutral is your safety zone – it’s kind of a numbed out place where you exist but you aren’t feeling fully alive.

Shifting into Drive is moving forward – keeping your focus on the future and taking steps based on what you desire, not what you fear. And, shifting into Reverse is looking back at the past and most likely feeling regret for what was or what could have been.

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The Big Fear That Holds You Back

Posted on Oct 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~Winston Churchill

I remember when I was in school growing up, that the one thing I always got in trouble for was: talking too much.

My Mom used to go to the parent/teacher conferences and my teachers would always say the same thing: “Brenda is a good student but she never stops talking – even when we tell her not to, she continues as if she didn’t hear us!”.

Well, looking back at my younger self, I can see many reasons why I never wanted to be quiet in school. One of them is because talking, communicating, speaking, teaching, writing, etc. is what I was put here to do.

I have the gift of gab as they say and I use it to help others as best I can. Yet, my gift of gab hasn’t always been honored or cherished either by me or by others.

I’ve shunned myself many times for having opinions about things and for using my voice – especially when others weren’t in agreement about what I had to say. In fact, I’ve had others get down-right angry at me for expressing my feelings and opinions.

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A Worthy New Year

Posted on Jan 2, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

Seth Godin’s daily blog is one of the few emails I’ve kept subscribed to throughout the years because his content is always pertinent to our times and extremely valuable.

In a post from last week, Seth struck a chord with the statement: “You don’t need a new plan for next year. You need a commitment.”

How true. Before you make a plan, make sure that you’re committed to what you plan to do.

And then, make sure that you’re just as committed to changing course and being flexible to where the path takes you vs. feeling as if you need to control each step because it’s part of your
“plan”.

We all know at a certain level that planning has value – but knowing exactly how things will un-fold is impossible.

More importantly, a plan is valuable only after you’ve committed to achieving the goal.

Therefore the question really is: How do you know what it is that you’re committed to? And how do you know if you’re really committed to the “right things”? The things that are aligned with your deepest values and who you really are and are meant to become?

The Truth is: our commitments show through our actions. We commit to our choices by what we do, not what we say. And even though you may say that you want something to happen, your
commitment will show through the actions you take or the actions that you don’t take.

It’s a simple concept to cognize, but not an easy concept to understand.

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Re-Capture A Lost Dream

Posted on Jun 6, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

I remember when I started out on the self-discovery journey years back – I didn’t even know I had a passion or a dream. Honestly, I was so burnt-out and disillusioned with working myself into a ‘wall of success’ in Corporate America, that all I dreamed of doing was selling all my stuff, moving across the country, and running away from it ‘all’!

Fast forward many years later and I still (sometimes) have visions of running away from it all – and experiencing my own version of Eat, Pray, Love. Yet, those visions aren’t as frequent because I don’t feel so desperate for such a big change to happen.

What shifted is, I have a much, much stronger and deeper relationship with my Self.

I stopped trying to run away from what I didn’t like and made the commitment to face what was in front of me, right where I was.

I also realized that no matter how far away you run, or how many dreams you chase – in the end – you can’t run away from yourself and any discontent, anxiety and void that you feel on the inside. You need to face it- and there are major gifts within when you do!

I jokingly said to a friend the other day on the phone: “No matter where you go, there you are! You can’t even go to the bathroom without yourself ;)”

See, we can have a relationship with ourselves – our mini-me’s – who keep wanting, striving, and feeling as if there is a void – and that something is wrong – and that things shouldn’t be the way they are – and that life should be different – and that you should be so much further along, etc. etc. etc.

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Trying To Be Perfect

Posted on Apr 21, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Have you ever tried so hard to get all your ducks in a row – and the minute you feel you have them perfectly lined up, something comes along that you didn’t plan for and your ‘ducks’ start moving in all sorts of directions?

Or, what about a time in your life when you’re in a situation that you don’t want to be in. Maybe you’re aching for something to change, but you’re stuck and just can’t see a way out. Or maybe you’re in a crisis situation where you’re feeling lots of painful and uncomfortable emotions and you just want to run and hide away from it all.

The Truth is – life gets really hard sometimes – and it can feel frustrating, scary and downright crappy to be in a situation that you feel you have absolutely no control over. That no matter how hard you try to change the situation, or the feelings you’re experiencing – nothing is shifting, changing or moving.

And the biggest challenge and thorn in your side is – feeling a pressure to change the situation you’re in – because, after all, life isn’t supposed to be this way – it should be easier, less hard, and feeeeel better.

Can you relate with having felt this way at one time or another? Or maybe you’re feeling this way now?

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