Posts Tagged ‘People Pleasing’

Motivated By Your Inner Critic?

Posted on Mar 3, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Success in any endeavor depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self.” ~Ralph Marston

We all have that voice within.

You know the one that crops-up when you’re attempting to make any type of positive change in your life. It either whispers, or speaks to you in a loud scream, something that sounds like: “Don’t Bother!”

If you allow the voice to continue to give you “advice” you’ll have convinced yourself in about 30-seconds of all the reasons why you shouldn’t make any type of change, or even attempt trying.

Not only does the voice do a great job of preventing you from trying to make any type of positive changes, but it also is phenomenal at beating you down, and making you feel really bad and small for things that you can’t seem to handle in your everyday life.

If you pay attention, you’ll notice your inner critic voice will point out everything you’re doing wrong in so many areas of your life.

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Protect Your Energy

Posted on May 6, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Never allow what another does steal your joy. You have power to react any way you choose. Be conscious of protecting your positive energy.”

When you are on the conscious path and taking responsibility for how you yearn to, and deserve to, live your life – you will not only battle with your own negative thoughts and inner critic, but you’ll also have to deal with the negative thoughts and inner critics of others.

If you’ve been on the self-development path for quite some time, no doubt you’ve read about, implemented and succeeded at the power of positive thinking. It’s true, what you think about you bring about.

Yet, as with everything, there are always deeper levels to go to with the learning.

As you continue to Claim Your Worth!®, you may notice that it feels like it will get harder before it gets easier. And much of this has to do with your dealings of others who aren’t on the same conscious path as you.

This is in no way to say anyone is “better” or “more evolved” than anyone else. Rather, it simply is the Truth that we all have different roles to play here on planet earth – and everyone is reading their own life script.

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Not Good Enough In Stages

Posted on Jan 7, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Your current circumstances are perfect. Your past, your present and your future are what is intended and planned for your life. Accept and embrace – it’s all good!”

When people start-out on the path of finally listening and acting upon the voice of their soul, they almost always discover a great need to spiritually awaken not only themselves, but others. It just works like that, when you feel inspired about new things you’ve learned, you naturally want to share that knowledge with others.

So the journey of self-discovery and yearning to serve others begins.

What happens often for most folks starting out on the service path, (and is what happened to me when I was starting out), is that you focus on the sharing with others and helping others piece first. You have such a desire to help and serve that you tend to repeat the pattern of focusing on the outside first, before going within.

But, the beauty of utilizing a creative aspiration such as a business to serve others is that it provides you with a mirror for all your “stuff” to show-up. You begin to see your patterns from long ago and you see where you tend to put the opinions of others in authority over your own self-worth.

And this is where many who are in the “service” field are operating – looking to the outside world to meet their unmet needs for self-worth – to feel important, worthy, special, unique, and SEEN.

This approach of course doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t help you and it certainly doesn’t help the people that you’re serving.

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You Have What It Takes

Posted on Sep 20, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“You’ve been given the perfect life to teach what you most need to learn. The greatest teachers are given the greatest challenges. Accept that your life will never be perfect but the circumstances are perfect for you to continually evolve yourself while you continually help to evolve others. ~Me :)

As I discussed in last week’s Note Worthy, the recent Creative Life/Business Retreat that I taught was transformative, not only for the women attending, but for me as well.

I explained to the gals in attendance that I’ve been facing my own resistance around certain areas of life- especially when it comes to the work that I do.

I’ve known for quite some time that a deeper level of sharing is required to help teach these concepts and help others know they aren’t alone on the journey of claiming your worth in all areas of your life.

And, as it has always been so in my case, my life has been perfectly designed to continually learn and challenge myself within the area of self-worth – and – as I’m learning first-hand, the “Worth Work” never ends.

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Feeling Less Than Others

Posted on May 8, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” ~Marianne Williamson

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

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Stuck In A Rut

Posted on Feb 27, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to bloom.” ~~ Anais Nin

The first inclination when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and lacking all motivation to do anything is to – get out of this state quickly! The feelings that arise when you’re stuck are very uncomfortable and almost unbearable because they go against your character and who you know yourself to be.

If you identify yourself with being a can-do, go-getter, overachiever who has a track-record of getting things done – then being stuck in a rut is probably the worst feeling you could feel. It goes against the grain of everything you know about yourself and it hits hard to your identity and how you see yourself – and, where you source your value.

Imagine for a moment that you source your value and self-worth from giving.

Consider that you may get a hit of adrenaline every time you accomplish, give, or prove that you’re valuable by doing or giving – whether it’s to someone or something – it feels good to get it done or provide because it feeds something in you – albeit temporarily.

Yet, at the same time, you may feel resentful and not know why. You may wonder why it seems that you never get back what you give. You may begin to get angry but have no idea why you’re angry. You may begin to feel sad and not know why. Pretty soon you find yourself not only sad, but stuck in a full-blown rut and have no idea how you got here.

Sound familiar?

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Trying To Please Everyone

Posted on Aug 9, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~ Bill Cosby

If there is one thing that I’ve seen hold more folks back from actively pursuing their mission/purpose in life, it’s trying to please everyone.

As you can see from Bill Cosby’s quote above, it’s very true, the key to failure is trying to make everyone else happy, while you stay stuck and unhappy.

Now, I get loads of flack from people who think that focusing on themselves means they are selfish, self-absorbed and don’t care about others. Yet, I believe we all know, at a very deep level how un-true that is.

The Truth is – the people who are the most caring and who have the most to give to humanity, (especially in these turbulent times where the most caring and compassionate are most needed) are truly the people who need the 101 lesson in owning your own life first, before trying to serve others authentically.

Now, I’m sure you can relate with being part of the guilt, obligation and *should* club – where you feel that others expect certain things from you and expect you to ‘act’ in a certain way.

Whether this is in your personal life with family and friends, or your professional life with colleagues, your boss, and/or clients – others have a certain expectation for who they believe that you are – or who they think you should be.

The challenge and struggle with trying to live your life based on other’s expectations of you – and trying to please them is: you lose-out and they gain. You feel angry, resentful and sad because deep-down you know that you’re living your life to please others – and you’re living by rules you were taught from others (a.k.a. society) which are very simple and extremely limiting: avoid punishment, seek reward.

Yuck.

When you hear the call in your heart that there “must be something more”, or “there is definitely more to me that is aching to be expressed” – this is an authentic call for you to align yourself with your own values, your own voice, and the YOU that you were designed to BE.

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Addicted To Approval & Acceptance

Posted on Jul 5, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Endearment is a choice; people pleasing is based on need” ~Thomas Leonard

A few months back I was very excited to be able to carve out some time in the afternoon and sit down and watch the final episodes of the Oprah show.

And it was no surprise that the last episodes did not disappoint – especially, when Sarah Ferguson was on discussing her recent snub from not being invited to the royal wedding – as well as the boatload of mistakes she’s made in recent years.

The show’s real focus however, was demonstrating Sarah’s recovery through her leveraging the team of Oprah’s experts to help her recover and re-claim her life. Here is a
Short Video – where Dr. Phil points out how Sarah’s mistakes and her self-sabotage are steeped in a strong addiction to approval and acceptance.

Most of us don’t realize how a strong need for acceptance and approval is driving our lives – and where this strong, unmet need was initially born from.

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