Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Posted on Dec 19, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable ~Helen Keller

“…to behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefetable”
What a statement huh? Helen Keller certainly had in-sight for sure even though she couldn’t ‘see’ on the outside.

That is very telling considering that most of us are so focused on the external world that we can’t connect with the internal – which is really where all the joy, beauty and magic lives!

Yet, to re-capture our child-like innocence – we must find the strength and courage it takes to live more freely in a world that can feel very limiting and constricted.

This is the challenge – feeling like you’re trapped in a life that is full of everyday mundane responsibilities, when all you really yearn to do is soar to greater heights – and experience more freedom, fun and flexibility with your days.

And, this is what we’ve been discussing in the
December Call Series, how-to get clear and organized in your thought processes for 2012 and learn how you can experience what it is that you really want both in the long-term and short term – and make it a reality in your everyday life.

With the visioning process and thinking outside your present reality, lots of resistance crops-up – where I witness folks trying to think about new possibilities or ‘what could be’ different in their lives – yet getting stuck in wanting and needing to know HOW it will happen!

Yet, as I always say, it isn’t your job to know the HOW.

But, you may ask, what’s the formula for letting go of some control, and also knowing what I’m responsible for and what I’m not?

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Tap Into Your Real Motivations

Posted on Dec 12, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Little by little one walks far” ~ Peruvian Proverb

Understanding what really motivates you is a process that happens in stages. And, part of that process is learning to distinguish between what it is that you want (aspire to) and what it is that you need (driven by).

I reference Unmet Needsunmet needs often as part of the Claim Your Worth!® process because understanding how needs drive you to take action (and not to take action) is fundamental to your own self-discovery and understanding of what makes you tick.

And the key factor in this is knowing when you want something to happen why it is that you want it.

Most of us don’t know why we want things – the main motivation is usually: I just want things to be different than how they are right now. If you really think about it, most of us were brought-up with the belief that we need to constantly be moving, changing, succeeding because time is running out and if we don’t keep going after the goal, then someone else will get there before you!

Can you relate?

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Fear of Disappointment

Posted on Nov 14, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ~Paulo Coelho

The other day I had one of the best conversations with a new client whom, at the time, was trying to determine if now is the right time for her to start on the path of deeper Self-Discovery.

In our brief 20-minute call, she and I were able to determine the depth of her indecisiveness and her feeling overwhelmingly stuck. The key moment in the call was when she admitted: “I’m afraid to try again! I’m afraid to venture out and try after I’ve tried to improve my life in other ways and it didn’t work”.

She was so surprised when the words were uttered out of her mouth as she had no idea that this was the resistance and fear that was holding her back.

A strong fear of disappointment (being disappointed again) is what holds most people back from pursuing what they really, really want. It’s this fear that keeps them ‘safe’ but miserable, stuck but so ‘secure’.

Why is this so? Why do we as a society fear being disappointed and do our best to try to avoid it?

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Afraid To Make The Wrong Decision?

Posted on Nov 8, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Indecision is often worse than wrong action.”- Henry Ford

The fear of making the wrong decision is, like all false fears, debilitating . It keeps you stuck, feeling paralyzed, boxed in, and afraid to make any type of move. So…in an attempt to try to remain in some sort of control, you don’t do anything.

Being stuck sucks.

Like Henry Ford states in his statement above, indecision feels worse than making a “mistake”. Why? Because taking action gives you confidence and having confidence helps you feel more
courageous. When you feel courage you take more action. You evolve as the result and get to do it all over again as you go to new levels of self-discovery.

As I referenced Learning To Trust Yourself Article imagine that every decision that you made was the “right” one and it moved you forward on the path of your Divine Plan? So in Truth, you couldn’t really make a mistake. It truly is fantastically freeing!

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How To Embrace Change

Posted on Sep 27, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Be bold. Be confident. Be alive. A gallery of possibilities awaits for you when you make change your friend.” ~Bob Bone

Many people beat themselves up internally because they have a desire for change, but for whatever reason, resist the change they desire.

This shows up in your life as you go to take action on something you want to do, but then stop yourself right when you are ready to make a change. Or, when you feel paralyzed and stuck. Or you do take action, but find yourself back to your “old ways” after a few days or weeks of instituting a new habit.

What gives? Why does this happen? Why is there the inevitable dance of going two steps forward and one-step back when you want to embrace change but find yourself resisting it?

Some may tell you that it’s your fault and you’re not motivated enough. They may preach that you don’t want it badly enough. You need be stronger. You need to have more self-control. You need to have more will-power! And the list goes on and on. This approach reinforces self-loathing and a feeling of helplessness – and experiencing more of the same.

But, what if that’s not true? What if it’s not your fault? What if the reason why you resist change vs. embracing it is because you’re simply not aware that something internal is driving your decisions to stay put, stay the same, and stay stuck right where you are?

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Fear, Anxiety and Worry

Posted on Sep 20, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men & women! Do no pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks.” Phillips Brooks

Consider this: When you are a creative individual – someone who is full of ideas, full of energy, full of light – someone who is here to help others and express ideas through a variety of avenues–you will deal with fear, anxiety and worry.

And, these emotions will crop-up each time you decide to make a change, grow, and evolve – so getting used to that fact now will relieve a lot of the stress, right?

Well, one would hope this were true, but it’s not so easy accepting the emotions that don’t feel natural, but are totally natural.

When fear, worry and anxiety have a grip on you – the natural tendency is to want to swat these emotions away as you would a bug flying in your face. You want them gone, pronto.

Yet, if you know that it’s natural and totally normal to feel these feelings more often than not, would you give yourself a break and learn to accept them, almost even welcome them as an anticipated guest in your home?

When attending a spiritual retreat once, I heard someone mention that they judged themselves for feeling emotions such as worry, anxiety, anger, resentment, jealousy and envy – all emotions that didn’t feel so “spiritual” and “pure”. And they were making themselves wrong for feeling them – as if they were reverting back to their old ways and failing at this whole “spiritual thing”.

Yet, feeling emotions is purifying. Have you ever heard the term: “You need to feel to heal?”

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Knowing What You Really Want

Posted on Aug 15, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Personally, I think clarity is very underrated and de-valued – and too much attention is put on action and getting things done.

What I’ve found to be true in my own life, and in the lives of the clients I work with, that when you feel a strong pull – a desperation – to get to a goal- or a finish line – usually it’s because there is an unmet need that hasn’t been fulfilled or paid attention to – vs. a value that is aching to be continually expressed.

In this article I wrote about the difference between Needs vs. Wants – and it’s a very, very important distinction.

However, our society as a whole (generalizing here!) is focused on do, do, do and hasn’t given enough time and thought to be, be, be. And to allowing your soul to guide you vs. your head.

The key distinction is: Your head wants you to chase the cheese and beat-out others, wheras your heart yearns for you to make a contribution in the lives of others as well as your own.

Now, I am a very impatient woman – and I think that was a gift given to me by God so I can get things done. Yet, I also feel that learning to be patient and trusting the Universe to provide in Divine Timing – is one of my greatest lessons in this lifetime.

Can you relate?

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Fear of Loss

Posted on Aug 2, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

In last week’s article, I spoke about the deep desire and need all of us have for consistent GROWTH in life, work and relationships.

Steeped in the need for growth and feeling worthy of experiencing and having MORE in your life – comes a (almost always unconscious) ambivalence around wanting to grow but being afraid of it at the same time.

When I first started out on the self-discovery journey, and began to ‘wake-up’ from sleepwalking through my life, I was elated with all the growth I was experiencing! It was so beautiful to see things I hadn’t seen, and to discover new ways of looking at life.

But then, things got difficult. Real difficult.

As I began to go even deeper into the need/desire to grow – spiritually, professionally, and personally – I faced some major resistance. Looking back I can see that the resistance was fear – fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of losing people I loved, etc.

The core of all the fear was: the fear of loss.

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Learning To Trust Yourself

Posted on May 31, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The other day I couldn’t make up my mind.

I had decided to leave a meeting early, but then, I doubted my decision. You should have seen me in the parking lot as I got into my car, then doubted myself, headed back inside, doubted myself again, and got back in my car! Honestly it’s true. It must have been a funny sight to watch –if anyone was in fact – watching!

Yet, it was such a great example of what I feel so many do on a daily basis when it comes to making either simple or complex decisions – doubt yourself vs. trust yourself.

I’m sure you know what it feels like to regret a decision that you made. You most likely fretted over it for weeks, months, maybe even years. But, have you ever given your Self credit for the decisions that turned out great?

Most of us tend to forget to acknowledge when things go right and the decisions that we make actually turn out okay. It’s a rare thing if you find somebody acknowledging themselves for a great decision as many times as you’ll find somebody beating themselves up for one that goes awry.

When I made the decision to leave the meeting the other day I did so because it’s what my intuition told me to do. I simply went with the impulse. Then, when I got into my car, my head wreaked havoc on me – telling me I shouldn’t have left early. What if someone was looking for me after and I wasn’t there? What if someone found out that I left before the event was over? What if this, what if that.

Ugh. Self-doubt sucks!

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A Common Challenge

Posted on May 16, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

When you’re facing a dilemma or a challenge – or feel like you aren’t sure which way to turn in your life, work or relationships – it can feel daunting to know who or what to Trust.

When you look to make the “right” decision, self-doubt can begin to creep in. Worry can get the best of you. And, isolation and trying to solve the issue on your own – can put you into a tail-spin of chasing your tail!

What’s a gal to do when you aren’t sure which way to go – or what decision to make – or if you should leap or take that chance/risk you’re contemplating?

My answer to clients is always to: Go inside. Get quiet. Learn to trust the quiet, encouraging, compassionate voice of your soul.

Basic advice right?

You may have heard it before – or read it in a book – or heard it at a seminar. Maybe you’ve even tried it yourself – and found that it may work for other folks, but it doesn’t work for you. Your monkey mind – and inner critic – inevitably win out and get the best of you.

I get it.

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