Posts Tagged ‘Fear’

A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.


The Big Fear That Holds You Back

Posted on Oct 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~Winston Churchill

I remember when I was in school growing up, that the one thing I always got in trouble for was: talking too much.

My Mom used to go to the parent/teacher conferences and my teachers would always say the same thing: “Brenda is a good student but she never stops talking – even when we tell her not to, she continues as if she didn’t hear us!”.

Well, looking back at my younger self, I can see many reasons why I never wanted to be quiet in school. One of them is because talking, communicating, speaking, teaching, writing, etc. is what I was put here to do.

I have the gift of gab as they say and I use it to help others as best I can. Yet, my gift of gab hasn’t always been honored or cherished either by me or by others.

I’ve shunned myself many times for having opinions about things and for using my voice – especially when others weren’t in agreement about what I had to say. In fact, I’ve had others get down-right angry at me for expressing my feelings and opinions.


Trusting Your Inner Self

Posted on Aug 16, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Your value and worth is that you are a bearer of LIGHT that the world needs now more then ever. Others have always seen your tremendous power, glory and gifts, yet have you ever really owned and trusted that you’re in possession of them? You’re tried to “fit-in”, to be like everyone else, tried to ‘do’ things the standard, ordinary way. Yet accept the fact that you aren’t meant to fit into molds. You’re actually meant to break them.” ~My Wise Inner Voice ;)

I love to share the story of when I was on the ledge of quitting my corporate job to start my own coaching practice. I had just begun the journey of not only listening to my Wise, Inner Self, but actually following Her guidance.

One day as I sat at a red light, thinking about what to do next, I began with the whole “What If” vortex of thinking “What if this goes wrong, what if this happens, and what if this, that and the other thing happens?”

This pessimistic voice clearly wanted me to stay put at that red light and look for all the reasons why (and how) everything could go wrong and why I should just stay put in the ‘safety’ of my J.O.B.

Then, in the next moment, I heard a quiet, reassuring, compassionate, supportive voice whisper to me: “What if it all works out?”

Then the light turned green.

Hmmm, I thought to myself, “Where did that voice come from?”


Dealing With Your Inner Critic

Posted on Mar 27, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” ~Author Unknown

Each day the past tries to creep into all of our minds and remind us of all the reasons why we can’t have what we truly desire or why we can’t be truly happy.

This can show up when you go to dream about a new adventure or endeavor and begin to consider the possibility of it actually happening. And before you know it, your inner critic is right there to remind you of all the reasons why it won’t work.

I remember a time in my life where I didn’t know the difference from my inner critic voice and the voice of my soul. I remember having dreams and things I wished to do, but having this voice inside tell me it will never happen so don’t bother trying.

It wasn’t until I worked with a coach who understood the critical importance of the “inner work”, that I began to compartmentalize my inner critic voice and realize that it wasn’t all of me, it was a part of me, but not all of me.

This revelation of compartmentalizing my inner critic voice from the voice of my heart was huge because I learned how-to deal with it when it cropped up.


Stuck In A Rut

Posted on Feb 27, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to bloom.” ~~ Anais Nin

The first inclination when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and lacking all motivation to do anything is to – get out of this state quickly! The feelings that arise when you’re stuck are very uncomfortable and almost unbearable because they go against your character and who you know yourself to be.

If you identify yourself with being a can-do, go-getter, overachiever who has a track-record of getting things done – then being stuck in a rut is probably the worst feeling you could feel. It goes against the grain of everything you know about yourself and it hits hard to your identity and how you see yourself – and, where you source your value.

Imagine for a moment that you source your value and self-worth from giving.

Consider that you may get a hit of adrenaline every time you accomplish, give, or prove that you’re valuable by doing or giving – whether it’s to someone or something – it feels good to get it done or provide because it feeds something in you – albeit temporarily.

Yet, at the same time, you may feel resentful and not know why. You may wonder why it seems that you never get back what you give. You may begin to get angry but have no idea why you’re angry. You may begin to feel sad and not know why. Pretty soon you find yourself not only sad, but stuck in a full-blown rut and have no idea how you got here.

Sound familiar?


Fear of Change

Posted on Feb 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.” ~Robert Henri

It’s inevitable, when you set a strong intention to change your life for the better, all sorts of emotions crop-up that you didn’t expect.

Learning to honor those emotions – all of them – is the KEY to transformation.

Often we don’t realize that our daily lives are playing out patterns from the past – and unconsciously we are each trying to heal old wounds by trying to “do it better” this time around.

And always, when you set a strong intention to experience something new, something better, something different than what you’re used to – painful and very uncomfortable emotions will crop-up.

Again, unconsciously we are more comfortable with the familiar – what we know – what’s predictable.


Trusting Your Life

Posted on Jan 18, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

>“Without faith, hope and trust, there is no promise for the future, and without a promising future, life has no direction, no meaning and no justification.” ~Adlin Sinclair

Lately I’ve been seeing many folks being served curve balls in their life. – events and circumstances that are completely out of their control and are not only challenging, but are forcing them to have some serious Faith.

And the interesting thing about this is – we can’t really know the evolutionary plan for our lives. Sure, we can know where we need to grow, what we want to have, experience and do – but the plan for the evolution of our soul – well, that’s a different story.

In last week’s article, I wrote about the gift of discernment and how every situation, circumstance and person is in your life to evolve your soul.


A Worthy New Year

Posted on Jan 2, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

Seth Godin’s daily blog is one of the few emails I’ve kept subscribed to throughout the years because his content is always pertinent to our times and extremely valuable.

In a post from last week, Seth struck a chord with the statement: “You don’t need a new plan for next year. You need a commitment.”

How true. Before you make a plan, make sure that you’re committed to what you plan to do.

And then, make sure that you’re just as committed to changing course and being flexible to where the path takes you vs. feeling as if you need to control each step because it’s part of your

We all know at a certain level that planning has value – but knowing exactly how things will un-fold is impossible.

More importantly, a plan is valuable only after you’ve committed to achieving the goal.

Therefore the question really is: How do you know what it is that you’re committed to? And how do you know if you’re really committed to the “right things”? The things that are aligned with your deepest values and who you really are and are meant to become?

The Truth is: our commitments show through our actions. We commit to our choices by what we do, not what we say. And even though you may say that you want something to happen, your
commitment will show through the actions you take or the actions that you don’t take.

It’s a simple concept to cognize, but not an easy concept to understand.


Getting Out Of Your Own Way

Posted on Dec 19, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable ~Helen Keller

“…to behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefetable”
What a statement huh? Helen Keller certainly had in-sight for sure even though she couldn’t ‘see’ on the outside.

That is very telling considering that most of us are so focused on the external world that we can’t connect with the internal – which is really where all the joy, beauty and magic lives!

Yet, to re-capture our child-like innocence – we must find the strength and courage it takes to live more freely in a world that can feel very limiting and constricted.

This is the challenge – feeling like you’re trapped in a life that is full of everyday mundane responsibilities, when all you really yearn to do is soar to greater heights – and experience more freedom, fun and flexibility with your days.

And, this is what we’ve been discussing in the
December Call Series, how-to get clear and organized in your thought processes for 2012 and learn how you can experience what it is that you really want both in the long-term and short term – and make it a reality in your everyday life.

With the visioning process and thinking outside your present reality, lots of resistance crops-up – where I witness folks trying to think about new possibilities or ‘what could be’ different in their lives – yet getting stuck in wanting and needing to know HOW it will happen!

Yet, as I always say, it isn’t your job to know the HOW.

But, you may ask, what’s the formula for letting go of some control, and also knowing what I’m responsible for and what I’m not?


Tap Into Your Real Motivations

Posted on Dec 12, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Little by little one walks far” ~ Peruvian Proverb

Understanding what really motivates you is a process that happens in stages. And, part of that process is learning to distinguish between what it is that you want (aspire to) and what it is that you need (driven by).

I reference Unmet Needsunmet needs often as part of the Claim Your Worth!® process because understanding how needs drive you to take action (and not to take action) is fundamental to your own self-discovery and understanding of what makes you tick.

And the key factor in this is knowing when you want something to happen why it is that you want it.

Most of us don’t know why we want things – the main motivation is usually: I just want things to be different than how they are right now. If you really think about it, most of us were brought-up with the belief that we need to constantly be moving, changing, succeeding because time is running out and if we don’t keep going after the goal, then someone else will get there before you!

Can you relate?