“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.” ~Tara Brach

I remember years back, when I had about a year of coaching under my belt, I hired a photographer to take some pictures of me for the new website I was creating.

This photographer was referred to me by a friend, and I had known that she had recently gotten married and was going through some major transitions in her life.

For the photo shoot, she and I decided to meet in the woods near my home – where we thought we could get some nice shots outside.

During the shoot, we chatted about a variety of things and our conversation eventually landed on the topic of her recent marriage. We discussed the changes she was undergoing in her life and she explained that not only did she just marry the love of her life, but she had lost over 100 lbs!

Needless to say this gal was claiming her worth in a variety of ways in her life!

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“Your value and worth is that you are a bearer of LIGHT that the world needs now more then ever. Others have always seen your tremendous power, glory and gifts, yet have you ever really owned and trusted that you’re in possession of them? You’re tried to “fit-in”, to be like everyone else, tried to ‘do’ things the standard, ordinary way. Yet accept the fact that you aren’t meant to fit into molds. You’re actually meant to break them.” ~My Wise Inner Voice ;)

I love to share the story of when I was on the ledge of quitting my corporate job to start my own coaching practice. I had just begun the journey of not only listening to my Wise, Inner Self, but actually following Her guidance.

One day as I sat at a red light, thinking about what to do next, I began with the whole “What If” vortex of thinking “What if this goes wrong, what if this happens, and what if this, that and the other thing happens?”

This pessimistic voice clearly wanted me to stay put at that red light and look for all the reasons why (and how) everything could go wrong and why I should just stay put in the ‘safety’ of my J.O.B.

Then, in the next moment, I heard a quiet, reassuring, compassionate, supportive voice whisper to me: “What if it all works out?”

Then the light turned green.

Hmmm, I thought to myself, “Where did that voice come from?”

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“Life is accepting what is and working from that.” ~Gloria Naylor

Accepting “what is” is probably the hardest thing for us to do. Afterall, isn’t the purpose of life to change what is?

Unconsciously – the collective belief “out there” in our world is to constantly change and improve our circumstances, ourselves, relationships, etc – whatever it is – we are taught that it isn’t good enough as is.

We are taught through a variety of mediums (especially advertisers), that we must change in order to be happier, fulfilled and living the good life.

But is that true? Is it true that your happy life and great future exist somewhere out there – in fantasy land?

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to bloom.” ~~ Anais Nin

The first inclination when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and lacking all motivation to do anything is to – get out of this state quickly! The feelings that arise when you’re stuck are very uncomfortable and almost unbearable because they go against your character and who you know yourself to be.

If you identify yourself with being a can-do, go-getter, overachiever who has a track-record of getting things done – then being stuck in a rut is probably the worst feeling you could feel. It goes against the grain of everything you know about yourself and it hits hard to your identity and how you see yourself – and, where you source your value.

Imagine for a moment that you source your value and self-worth from giving.

Consider that you may get a hit of adrenaline every time you accomplish, give, or prove that you’re valuable by doing or giving – whether it’s to someone or something – it feels good to get it done or provide because it feeds something in you – albeit temporarily.

Yet, at the same time, you may feel resentful and not know why. You may wonder why it seems that you never get back what you give. You may begin to get angry but have no idea why you’re angry. You may begin to feel sad and not know why. Pretty soon you find yourself not only sad, but stuck in a full-blown rut and have no idea how you got here.

Sound familiar?

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“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” ~Tony Robbins

I remember reading somewhere a long time ago that a high quality of life has to do with what you take off your plate than what you add onto it. I agreed with the statement at the time I read it, and as I’ve gotten older, it’s become much more relevant to my own life and also the lives of the people I coach and teach.

Removing things off your plate both externally in your outer world, and internally in your inner world is truly the KEY to living authentically. We all know how awesome it feels to purge, clear out your closets and clear space on your calendar for new things to show up in your life. And how great it feels to begin to integrate and let go of limiting beliefs so you can begin to live the vision that is meant for you to live.

Yet, what most often happens is – the space that gets cleared off your plate, can cause all sorts of emotions and anxiety. And, the first inclination – without even being aware it’s happening – is to quickly and effectively get those empty spaces filled-up with more stuff. More to do’s, more have to’s, more places to be, more people to see.

Does this sound familiar?

If it does I understand. I’ve been a long-time member of the ‘heavy expectation’ club too. A club whose members feel if you’re not striving, chasing, and staying motivated and on-track towards something better, then something must be wrong.

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>“Without faith, hope and trust, there is no promise for the future, and without a promising future, life has no direction, no meaning and no justification.” ~Adlin Sinclair

Lately I’ve been seeing many folks being served curve balls in their life. – events and circumstances that are completely out of their control and are not only challenging, but are forcing them to have some serious Faith.

And the interesting thing about this is – we can’t really know the evolutionary plan for our lives. Sure, we can know where we need to grow, what we want to have, experience and do – but the plan for the evolution of our soul – well, that’s a different story.

In last week’s article, I wrote about the gift of discernment and how every situation, circumstance and person is in your life to evolve your soul.

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As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

Seth Godin’s daily blog is one of the few emails I’ve kept subscribed to throughout the years because his content is always pertinent to our times and extremely valuable.

In a post from last week, Seth struck a chord with the statement: “You don’t need a new plan for next year. You need a commitment.”

How true. Before you make a plan, make sure that you’re committed to what you plan to do.

And then, make sure that you’re just as committed to changing course and being flexible to where the path takes you vs. feeling as if you need to control each step because it’s part of your
“plan”.

We all know at a certain level that planning has value – but knowing exactly how things will un-fold is impossible.

More importantly, a plan is valuable only after you’ve committed to achieving the goal.

Therefore the question really is: How do you know what it is that you’re committed to? And how do you know if you’re really committed to the “right things”? The things that are aligned with your deepest values and who you really are and are meant to become?

The Truth is: our commitments show through our actions. We commit to our choices by what we do, not what we say. And even though you may say that you want something to happen, your
commitment will show through the actions you take or the actions that you don’t take.

It’s a simple concept to cognize, but not an easy concept to understand.

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Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the
unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” ~Victor Frankl

This quote above is very profound and one I suggest you may want to print-out and contemplate.

And what a perfect time to contemplate what success really means to you – as we are embarking on another new year – a year full of hope, anticipation, and excitement – and another year
and chance to ‘get it right’.

Yet, trying to be successful, or trying to ‘get it right’, can not only cause loads of pressure, tension and stress – it can also feel really unfulfilling.

Think about it – how many times have you ‘gotten the goal’, achieved something that was important to you, and celebrated it – and then felt a deep pressure and a looming anxiety to figure-out what’s next and how you’ll top what you just did?

The habit of constant ‘bar-raising’ never feels fully fulfilling because it’s about achieving goals on the outside and constantly trying to get vs. learning how to give to life so you
can feel worthy of receiving.

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Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable ~Helen Keller

“…to behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefetable”
What a statement huh? Helen Keller certainly had in-sight for sure even though she couldn’t ‘see’ on the outside.

That is very telling considering that most of us are so focused on the external world that we can’t connect with the internal – which is really where all the joy, beauty and magic lives!

Yet, to re-capture our child-like innocence – we must find the strength and courage it takes to live more freely in a world that can feel very limiting and constricted.

This is the challenge – feeling like you’re trapped in a life that is full of everyday mundane responsibilities, when all you really yearn to do is soar to greater heights – and experience more freedom, fun and flexibility with your days.

And, this is what we’ve been discussing in the
December Call Series, how-to get clear and organized in your thought processes for 2012 and learn how you can experience what it is that you really want both in the long-term and short term – and make it a reality in your everyday life.

With the visioning process and thinking outside your present reality, lots of resistance crops-up – where I witness folks trying to think about new possibilities or ‘what could be’ different in their lives – yet getting stuck in wanting and needing to know HOW it will happen!

Yet, as I always say, it isn’t your job to know the HOW.

But, you may ask, what’s the formula for letting go of some control, and also knowing what I’m responsible for and what I’m not?

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“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ~Paulo Coelho

The other day I had one of the best conversations with a new client whom, at the time, was trying to determine if now is the right time for her to start on the path of deeper Self-Discovery.

In our brief 20-minute call, she and I were able to determine the depth of her indecisiveness and her feeling overwhelmingly stuck. The key moment in the call was when she admitted: “I’m afraid to try again! I’m afraid to venture out and try after I’ve tried to improve my life in other ways and it didn’t work”.

She was so surprised when the words were uttered out of her mouth as she had no idea that this was the resistance and fear that was holding her back.

A strong fear of disappointment (being disappointed again) is what holds most people back from pursuing what they really, really want. It’s this fear that keeps them ‘safe’ but miserable, stuck but so ‘secure’.

Why is this so? Why do we as a society fear being disappointed and do our best to try to avoid it?

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