Posts Tagged ‘Faith’

A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.

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Setting Worthy Goals

Posted on Jan 1, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” ~Victor Frankl

This quote above is very profound and one I suggest you may want to print-out and contemplate.

And what a perfect time to contemplate what success really means to you – as we are embarking on another new year – a year full of hope, anticipation, and excitement – and another year
and chance to ‘get it right’
.

Yet, trying to be successful, or trying to ‘get it right’, can not only cause loads of pressure, tension and stress – it can also feel really unfulfilling.

Think about it – how many times have you ‘gotten the goal’, achieved something that was important to you, and celebrated it – and then felt a deep pressure and a looming anxiety to figure-out what’s next and how you’ll top what you just did?

The habit of constant ‘bar-raising’ never feels fully fulfilling because it’s about achieving goals on the outside and constantly trying to get vs. learning how to give to life so you
can feel worthy of receiving.

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The Truth About Law of Attraction

Posted on Jul 8, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens.” ~Dan Millman

We’ve all heard the New Age terms: “Appreciate the now.”, “Be in the moment”.

Great advice but hard advice to implement right? Especially when you feel that the moment, the now, isn’t how it *should* be or look.

I believe we all have discontentment – and oftentimes that discontentment can be healthy- if it’s balanced.

How discontentment becomes unhealthy is when we aren’t appreciating the moments and what is – now. As the quote above insinuates – suffering is thinking that life should look different than how it ‘is’.

Of course this is a control thing – feeling as if you need to control your outcomes, your life to look a certain way.

And this is the real crux of it all – believing that you are totally responsible for your life situation, circumstances and results.

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Power of A Vision

Posted on Apr 22, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

Having a vision for your life allows you to live out of hope, rather than out of your fears. ~ Stedman Graham

Lately I’ve been finding myself talking more and more about the fact that having clarity on what it is that you
really, really want, is extremely underrated.

It’s interesting to see the resistance that crops up when I encourage clients to start with the end in mind – to step back, take some time out, and get clear on what it is that they would really like to see happen – BEFORE we begin to put the action pieces in place.

At first glance, I used to think that the resistance that folks have to the visioning process had to do with them just wanting to get started with the action pieces because they value feeling productive above anything else.

And even though the need to feel productive still tends to trump the creative process of visioning, I’ve found another reason folks resist the visioning process – and this reason boils down to plain ol’ FEAR & Self Doubt.

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Wanting More For Your Life

Posted on Apr 15, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession. ~Albert Camus

During a coaching call last week, a client asked a fundamental question that I think at one point or another we’ve all asked ourselves– consciously or unconsciously – Is it bad to want that?

Essentially what my client was asking is: Is it bad to want MORE? More joy, more beauty, more meaning, more experiences? More expansion?

What’s perplexing is– there are some folks who feel guilty and wrong for wanting and craving more and then others who don’t feel guilty about wanting or craving more.

The question remains – why do some have no issue with not only wanting, but having more, and others who feel bad, guilty or unable to manifest MORE?

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Fear of Making Changes

Posted on Apr 7, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

““Put your expectations on God, not on people.” ~Joyce Meyer

Many self-help teachers teach about feeling resistance and how if you’re stuck, you need to break through that stuck-ness with action.

I agree – action is powerful when it comes to getting yourself un-stuck from say – not exercising. Great advice is to – as Nike says – Just Do It!®.

Yet, when it comes to creative stuck-ness, there are deeper needs that must be dealt with to move forward – especially since creativity and self-expression are directly aligned to “being seen” and you claiming your worth.

Often, when you feel a stirring in your soul to do more creativity – a common fear that comes up is – a fear of being judged. This fear of being judged and exposed blocks you from moving forward and keeps you stuck feeling resentful and frustrated.

Although when you’re creatively stuck whether in your life, your work, or even in your relationships – you may not be able to put your finger on what the block is.

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Feeling Lost and Confused

Posted on Mar 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one” ~ Rumi

We all feel lost and confused about our circumstances once in a while. Where do I go? What do I do? What *should* I be doing? What’s my next step? Where is the path? Why can’t I see it???

You can apply these fearful questions to any area of your life that causes you to feel uncertainty and doubt.

For most of us, the natural reaction is to take action – any type of action – just do something! And this works – especially in the areas of your life where you feel stuck in a rut – taking any action helps.

Where this “I need to do something now!” approach doesn’t work however is when you’re looking to make a BIG, significant change in your life – one in which will align you with your life’s calling.

This type of significant, life-evolving decision requires calm, quiet and much less activity – not more of it.

Not such an easy thing to *do* especially when you’re feeling anxious, bored, doubtful – AND – watching everyone else’s lives seem to be moving right along.

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Trying To Make A Decision

Posted on Mar 4, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Trust your own heart. It knows the right way.”

Decisions, decisions. They are certainly hard to make – especially when they pertain to really important things – key things – things that are aligned with you experiencing a brighter future.

Today I’m sharing a personal story with you that provides a beautiful example of what it looks like to make a decision from your head vs. your heart and how it can put you on a temporary detour to pursuing your life’s calling.

Years back, when I hit a wall in my corporate career, I prayed for a miracle that would show me the way out of the corporate life I was living and into a career that I loved.

I still remember the day that I found the answer to my prayer as I googled a term that brought-up a link to an upcoming workshop entitled: “How To Quit Your Job And Do What You Love”.

Not only was I excited to find the workshop, but even more excited to learn that it was being held in Maine three months to the day!

I immediately signed up.

The seminar was fantastic! It included a weekend full of insight from experts who knew their stuff about how to make the transition from working “for the man” – to – as I like to call it, working for the “Big Man/Woman” ;)

After the seminar was over, I decided to hire one of the experts for a one-hour CONSULT session. In prep for the session, I sent the expert my resume and also answered the various questions they had posed to me about the future work I was interested in pursuing.

On the day of the call I was very nervous to speak with this expert about what my future held for me. I remember feeling nervous about what they had to say to me about what I *should* do moving forward.

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Hand Over The Fear

Posted on Jan 21, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Last week, I was explaining to several people that the beautiful thing about having a deep desire to find your life’s calling through your work is: it’s a wonderful excuse and catalyst to grow and evolve spiritually, emotionally, mentally and in ALL ways!

If you think about it, many of the decisions you’ve made in the past most likely have come from what you thought you *should* do in certain areas vs. what you would have done if you didn’t have any fear. And it’s awesome when you realize that you don’t have to live by your *shoulds* but rather by what your heart is urging you to do.

Think of it this way: *should* aligns with obligation and obligation stems from feeling undeserving. Doing what you love and what would make your heart sing and bring you joy has hesitation around it too. Subconsciously you may think: Do I really deserve to feel joy with my work? Shouldn’t work be hard and a struggle? There’s that *should* again :)

Many people think its fear that holds them back from doing what they really want to do – and that is definitely part of it. But another big part of it is feeling worthy of actually being able to experiencing higher emotions on a daily basis – to be creative, to make a difference, to have an impact, to feel joyful and make others joyful.

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You Have Authority

Posted on Jan 14, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

““If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.” ~Émile Zola”

As I mentioned in last week’s article: Different Stages of Not Good Enough, when you go to different levels in your own growth and evolution, new challenges with “not enough” will emerge.

I heard someone say the other day “New Level, New Devil.” Very true!

Yet, our “not enoughness” at different levels need not be viewed as a “bad”, but just an opportunity to get closer to your untapped potential and your life’s calling/purpose.

And…like any worthwhile endeavor, you get to SEE and realize your blocks. Otherwise, they stay dormant within and hold you back. Always remember, if you can’t see it, you can’t transform it.

One of the biggest blocks I see with folks in their pursuit to do & BE more in their life, work and relationships, is: Believing they don’t have authority. Authority over your thoughts. Authority over your self-image.

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