Posts Tagged ‘Deserving Person’

Approval Addiction

Posted on Jun 4, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“Endearment is a choice; people pleasing is based on need” ~Thomas Leonard

Approval addiction is a real thing – and oftentimes, it remains something you’re unaware of until you find yourself in a situation where you are giving to another the authority to make you feel  less than when they don’t react in the way you expect, or want them to.  

Maybe you’re in a job and have found yourself feeling resentful and stuck because no matter how hard you try, how hard and long you work, no matter what you do, it’s never enough for your boss.

Or, maybe you dream of sharing your voice with others and sharing your knowledge and expertise – but every time you go to put pen to paper, or think about booking a workshop to teach what you know – you freeze and worry about “What will they think of me?”

This is where the key to having a strong relationship with Yourself comes in play – where you give Yourself permission to do what you want to do from a soul-directed place vs. being motivated to please and gain approval from others – and to prove your worth, vs. claim it. 

One road keeps you stuck. The other road sets you free.

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Do you ever feel this way about your self worth?

Posted on Jul 17, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

carefreewomanThis past weekend I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine. And, true to form, she and I were getting deep into conversation about life, love and everyday worthiness.

I remember at some point in our conversation I had said to her – there is a big misconception in our society that the more you DO the more you’re worth.

Have you ever stopped to think about this?

Now that you have, do you have a belief system that aligns with this?

Believing that the more you do, achieve and show what you can do to the world, the more you earn your worth and finally can receive what you want.

This earning of worth is a feeling as if you huff and puff and try harder and harder and finally, after you’ve exerted yourself, then you can feel accomplished and worthy.

Can you relate?

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Caring for Yourself vs. Fixing Yourself

Posted on Oct 27, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Coaching doesn’t make sick people well…it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary.” ~Thomas Leonard

Last week I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about how we all can get into the trap of self-help addiction and believing that – paying attention to your growth and evolution means fixing yourself.

In other words, there is something wrong with you that needs to be “helped”, (a.k.a. self-help).

Not true. There isn’t anything wrong with you – and nothing that needs to be “fixed”.

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Feeling Un-Valued: A Real Life Example

Posted on Apr 7, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“We teach people how to treat us. You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don’t.” ~Dr. Phil

Last weekend I scheduled a very long over-due facial. It’s sad to think about how long it had been – perhaps 4-5 years since I’ve had one? Yikes! Yet, 2014 has been a year where I’ve committed to certain acts of self-care (massages, facials, etc.) – and have stopped defining them a luxury and made them a necessity for feeling good.

Needless to say, I was excited while I sat in the waiting area of the spa – and looking forward to receiving some much needed pampering.

The esthetician eventually came out to greet me. Immediately I felt weird in my body as the initial encounter felt odd and cold.

No warm greeting. No hand-shake. Just a simple statement: “Are you Brenda?” she said. “Yes.” I replied. Then she walked away. I assumed she expected me to follow her? I shrugged it off, got up to follow her, and turned the corner to find her joking around with the receptionist. She turned around looking annoyed, as if to remember she now needed to work, and opened the door to the back area.

I thought to myself: “This doesn’t feel right. I don’t like her energy. This isn’t what I envisioned for being pampered and able to have some serious down-time. I’m feeling stressed, uncomfortable and annoyed.”

But, once again, I shrugged it off and thought to myself that I was just over reacting. I made myself believe I was being overly sensitive and I must be imagining this whole encounter.

A very bad habit of mine has been always believing it’s me, not them.

Being an intuitive, sensitive person, I’ve been a pro at taking on other people’s “stuff” and trying to make them feel better and more comfortable. I realize now that I’ve done this because I learned from a very early-age that I needed to become who “they” wanted me to be in order to receive any morsel of love or acceptance.

Needless to say, this is a habit that I am consciously breaking – no more taking responsibility for “stuff” that isn’t mine.

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Valuing Yourself: A Real World Example

Posted on Mar 31, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” ~Malcolm S. Forbes

Last weekend, I bought a new car – a Jeep in fact – and I couldn’t be happier with my decision – or the entire buying process.

I wanted to share this story with you because after sharing it with a very good friend, she said: “Wow, you really valued yourself through that entire process huh?”

I hadn’t realized at the time, that the process I instituted was a tangible, real-world example of valuing myself. But, looking back, I can see now that it absolutely is/was, hence the reason I want to share.

For starters, going into this car buying process, I took the time to document all that I wanted with my new vehicle. It helped that through my experience with my lease, I knew what I didn’t want which gave me lots of clarity on what I wanted.

I knew for sure that I needed to buy a car vs. lease one, because I drive way too much for a lease. I also knew that if I was planning to keep this car for quite some time (which I am), that I wanted the interior to be classy and comfortable with all the fixings.

Based on what I wanted, I then narrowed my search down to 3-4 cars and had one brand– Jeep – kept winning out. I looked at some other SUVs, but Jeep kept coming to the top of the list each time. I can’t tell you why necessarily because all the other brands were comparable – but there was something about the Jeep brand that resonated with me.

So, then, I went to work. To motivate me and keep myself accountable, I made an appointment with a Jeep dealership – so that I would have to do my research and prepare thoroughly for the appointment. I knew I had a month to make a decision, but I wanted to go into my first appointment prepared.

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Power of A Vision

Posted on Apr 22, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

Having a vision for your life allows you to live out of hope, rather than out of your fears. ~ Stedman Graham

Lately I’ve been finding myself talking more and more about the fact that having clarity on what it is that you
really, really want, is extremely underrated.

It’s interesting to see the resistance that crops up when I encourage clients to start with the end in mind – to step back, take some time out, and get clear on what it is that they would really like to see happen – BEFORE we begin to put the action pieces in place.

At first glance, I used to think that the resistance that folks have to the visioning process had to do with them just wanting to get started with the action pieces because they value feeling productive above anything else.

And even though the need to feel productive still tends to trump the creative process of visioning, I’ve found another reason folks resist the visioning process – and this reason boils down to plain ol’ FEAR & Self Doubt.

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Fear of Making Changes

Posted on Apr 7, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

““Put your expectations on God, not on people.” ~Joyce Meyer

Many self-help teachers teach about feeling resistance and how if you’re stuck, you need to break through that stuck-ness with action.

I agree – action is powerful when it comes to getting yourself un-stuck from say – not exercising. Great advice is to – as Nike says – Just Do It!®.

Yet, when it comes to creative stuck-ness, there are deeper needs that must be dealt with to move forward – especially since creativity and self-expression are directly aligned to “being seen” and you claiming your worth.

Often, when you feel a stirring in your soul to do more creativity – a common fear that comes up is – a fear of being judged. This fear of being judged and exposed blocks you from moving forward and keeps you stuck feeling resentful and frustrated.

Although when you’re creatively stuck whether in your life, your work, or even in your relationships – you may not be able to put your finger on what the block is.

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Never Give Up

Posted on Nov 5, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragement, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak” ~ Thomas Carlyle

This past weekend I made sure to DVR a movie that I’ve seen several times but never get tired of watching: Rudy. This film encompasses so much (if not all!) of what I coach around.

The movie Rudy is a beautiful example of an individual who knows, and has always known, since he was a kid, “what” he’s destined to do and “where” he was meant to go, and “who” he was created to “BE”.

And the movie, which is based on a true story, is a great real-world depiction of how others in our life – whom many – are part of our ‘old life’ – tell us what they think, and who they think we are.

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Transcending Your Old Stories

Posted on Sep 24, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.” ~Tara Brach

I remember years back, when I had about a year of coaching under my belt, I hired a photographer to take some pictures of me for the new website I was creating.

This photographer was referred to me by a friend, and I had known that she had recently gotten married and was going through some major transitions in her life.

For the photo shoot, she and I decided to meet in the woods near my home – where we thought we could get some nice shots outside.

During the shoot, we chatted about a variety of things and our conversation eventually landed on the topic of her recent marriage. We discussed the changes she was undergoing in her life and she explained that not only did she just marry the love of her life, but she had lost over 100 lbs!

Needless to say this gal was claiming her worth in a variety of ways in her life!

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You Have What It Takes

Posted on Sep 20, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“You’ve been given the perfect life to teach what you most need to learn. The greatest teachers are given the greatest challenges. Accept that your life will never be perfect but the circumstances are perfect for you to continually evolve yourself while you continually help to evolve others. ~Me :)

As I discussed in last week’s Note Worthy, the recent Creative Life/Business Retreat that I taught was transformative, not only for the women attending, but for me as well.

I explained to the gals in attendance that I’ve been facing my own resistance around certain areas of life- especially when it comes to the work that I do.

I’ve known for quite some time that a deeper level of sharing is required to help teach these concepts and help others know they aren’t alone on the journey of claiming your worth in all areas of your life.

And, as it has always been so in my case, my life has been perfectly designed to continually learn and challenge myself within the area of self-worth – and – as I’m learning first-hand, the “Worth Work” never ends.

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