Posts Tagged ‘Control’

A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.

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The Truth About Law of Attraction

Posted on Jul 8, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens.” ~Dan Millman

We’ve all heard the New Age terms: “Appreciate the now.”, “Be in the moment”.

Great advice but hard advice to implement right? Especially when you feel that the moment, the now, isn’t how it *should* be or look.

I believe we all have discontentment – and oftentimes that discontentment can be healthy- if it’s balanced.

How discontentment becomes unhealthy is when we aren’t appreciating the moments and what is – now. As the quote above insinuates – suffering is thinking that life should look different than how it ‘is’.

Of course this is a control thing – feeling as if you need to control your outcomes, your life to look a certain way.

And this is the real crux of it all – believing that you are totally responsible for your life situation, circumstances and results.

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Fear of Making Changes

Posted on Apr 7, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

““Put your expectations on God, not on people.” ~Joyce Meyer

Many self-help teachers teach about feeling resistance and how if you’re stuck, you need to break through that stuck-ness with action.

I agree – action is powerful when it comes to getting yourself un-stuck from say – not exercising. Great advice is to – as Nike says – Just Do It!®.

Yet, when it comes to creative stuck-ness, there are deeper needs that must be dealt with to move forward – especially since creativity and self-expression are directly aligned to “being seen” and you claiming your worth.

Often, when you feel a stirring in your soul to do more creativity – a common fear that comes up is – a fear of being judged. This fear of being judged and exposed blocks you from moving forward and keeps you stuck feeling resentful and frustrated.

Although when you’re creatively stuck whether in your life, your work, or even in your relationships – you may not be able to put your finger on what the block is.

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Feeling Lost and Confused

Posted on Mar 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one” ~ Rumi

We all feel lost and confused about our circumstances once in a while. Where do I go? What do I do? What *should* I be doing? What’s my next step? Where is the path? Why can’t I see it???

You can apply these fearful questions to any area of your life that causes you to feel uncertainty and doubt.

For most of us, the natural reaction is to take action – any type of action – just do something! And this works – especially in the areas of your life where you feel stuck in a rut – taking any action helps.

Where this “I need to do something now!” approach doesn’t work however is when you’re looking to make a BIG, significant change in your life – one in which will align you with your life’s calling.

This type of significant, life-evolving decision requires calm, quiet and much less activity – not more of it.

Not such an easy thing to *do* especially when you’re feeling anxious, bored, doubtful – AND – watching everyone else’s lives seem to be moving right along.

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The Big Fear That Holds You Back

Posted on Oct 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~Winston Churchill

I remember when I was in school growing up, that the one thing I always got in trouble for was: talking too much.

My Mom used to go to the parent/teacher conferences and my teachers would always say the same thing: “Brenda is a good student but she never stops talking – even when we tell her not to, she continues as if she didn’t hear us!”.

Well, looking back at my younger self, I can see many reasons why I never wanted to be quiet in school. One of them is because talking, communicating, speaking, teaching, writing, etc. is what I was put here to do.

I have the gift of gab as they say and I use it to help others as best I can. Yet, my gift of gab hasn’t always been honored or cherished either by me or by others.

I’ve shunned myself many times for having opinions about things and for using my voice – especially when others weren’t in agreement about what I had to say. In fact, I’ve had others get down-right angry at me for expressing my feelings and opinions.

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Accepting What Is

Posted on Mar 7, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Life is accepting what is and working from that.” ~Gloria Naylor

Accepting “what is” is probably the hardest thing for us to do. Afterall, isn’t the purpose of life to change what is?

Unconsciously – the collective belief “out there” in our world is to constantly change and improve our circumstances, ourselves, relationships, etc – whatever it is – we are taught that it isn’t good enough as is.

We are taught through a variety of mediums (especially advertisers), that we must change in order to be happier, fulfilled and living the good life.

But is that true? Is it true that your happy life and great future exist somewhere out there – in fantasy land?

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Fear of Change

Posted on Feb 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.” ~Robert Henri

It’s inevitable, when you set a strong intention to change your life for the better, all sorts of emotions crop-up that you didn’t expect.

Learning to honor those emotions – all of them – is the KEY to transformation.

Often we don’t realize that our daily lives are playing out patterns from the past – and unconsciously we are each trying to heal old wounds by trying to “do it better” this time around.

And always, when you set a strong intention to experience something new, something better, something different than what you’re used to – painful and very uncomfortable emotions will crop-up.

Again, unconsciously we are more comfortable with the familiar – what we know – what’s predictable.

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Heavy Expectations

Posted on Feb 10, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” ~Tony Robbins

I remember reading somewhere a long time ago that a high quality of life has to do with what you take off your plate than what you add onto it. I agreed with the statement at the time I read it, and as I’ve gotten older, it’s become much more relevant to my own life and also the lives of the people I coach and teach.

Removing things off your plate both externally in your outer world, and internally in your inner world is truly the KEY to living authentically. We all know how awesome it feels to purge, clear out your closets and clear space on your calendar for new things to show up in your life. And how great it feels to begin to integrate and let go of limiting beliefs so you can begin to live the vision that is meant for you to live.

Yet, what most often happens is – the space that gets cleared off your plate, can cause all sorts of emotions and anxiety. And, the first inclination – without even being aware it’s happening – is to quickly and effectively get those empty spaces filled-up with more stuff. More to do’s, more have to’s, more places to be, more people to see.

Does this sound familiar?

If it does I understand. I’ve been a long-time member of the ‘heavy expectation’ club too. A club whose members feel if you’re not striving, chasing, and staying motivated and on-track towards something better, then something must be wrong.

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Fear of Disappointment

Posted on Nov 14, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.” ~Paulo Coelho

The other day I had one of the best conversations with a new client whom, at the time, was trying to determine if now is the right time for her to start on the path of deeper Self-Discovery.

In our brief 20-minute call, she and I were able to determine the depth of her indecisiveness and her feeling overwhelmingly stuck. The key moment in the call was when she admitted: “I’m afraid to try again! I’m afraid to venture out and try after I’ve tried to improve my life in other ways and it didn’t work”.

She was so surprised when the words were uttered out of her mouth as she had no idea that this was the resistance and fear that was holding her back.

A strong fear of disappointment (being disappointed again) is what holds most people back from pursuing what they really, really want. It’s this fear that keeps them ‘safe’ but miserable, stuck but so ‘secure’.

Why is this so? Why do we as a society fear being disappointed and do our best to try to avoid it?

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Afraid To Make The Wrong Decision?

Posted on Nov 8, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Indecision is often worse than wrong action.”- Henry Ford

The fear of making the wrong decision is, like all false fears, debilitating . It keeps you stuck, feeling paralyzed, boxed in, and afraid to make any type of move. So…in an attempt to try to remain in some sort of control, you don’t do anything.

Being stuck sucks.

Like Henry Ford states in his statement above, indecision feels worse than making a “mistake”. Why? Because taking action gives you confidence and having confidence helps you feel more
courageous. When you feel courage you take more action. You evolve as the result and get to do it all over again as you go to new levels of self-discovery.

As I referenced Learning To Trust Yourself Article imagine that every decision that you made was the “right” one and it moved you forward on the path of your Divine Plan? So in Truth, you couldn’t really make a mistake. It truly is fantastically freeing!

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