Posts Tagged ‘Comparison Breeds Fear’

Comparing Yourself To Others

Posted on May 15, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

If there is anything in your sabotager’s toolkit that will squelch your dreams  the quickest, it will be comparing yourself to others.

When you believe your value comes from comparing, your mind will constantly be  looking for evidence on how others are better, more qualified, more creative, more successful, more ‘in the know’ than you.

This is a trap that will keep you stuck.

And if there is anything that I could stress when it comes to your life, relationships and work, it would be this:  Be You and only YOU.  No one else can BE you.

Easier said than done, I know.  But once you become aware, you can change it.

This week: Pay attention to what you’re letting come into your sphere of influence – and who and what you’re comparing yourself too.

Notice when you’re doing this and simply notice if you’re letting someone else’s success, or life circumstances, influence you and make you feel inferior.

Then, simply nudge yourself and notice in that moment how you’re rejecting and abandoning yourself – and commit to stop doing that ;)!

The Truth About Law of Attraction

Posted on Jul 8, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Suffering is our psychological resistance to what happens.” ~Dan Millman

We’ve all heard the New Age terms: “Appreciate the now.”, “Be in the moment”.

Great advice but hard advice to implement right? Especially when you feel that the moment, the now, isn’t how it *should* be or look.

I believe we all have discontentment – and oftentimes that discontentment can be healthy- if it’s balanced.

How discontentment becomes unhealthy is when we aren’t appreciating the moments and what is – now. As the quote above insinuates – suffering is thinking that life should look different than how it ‘is’.

Of course this is a control thing – feeling as if you need to control your outcomes, your life to look a certain way.

And this is the real crux of it all – believing that you are totally responsible for your life situation, circumstances and results.

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Feeling Lost and Confused

Posted on Mar 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one” ~ Rumi

We all feel lost and confused about our circumstances once in a while. Where do I go? What do I do? What *should* I be doing? What’s my next step? Where is the path? Why can’t I see it???

You can apply these fearful questions to any area of your life that causes you to feel uncertainty and doubt.

For most of us, the natural reaction is to take action – any type of action – just do something! And this works – especially in the areas of your life where you feel stuck in a rut – taking any action helps.

Where this “I need to do something now!” approach doesn’t work however is when you’re looking to make a BIG, significant change in your life – one in which will align you with your life’s calling.

This type of significant, life-evolving decision requires calm, quiet and much less activity – not more of it.

Not such an easy thing to *do* especially when you’re feeling anxious, bored, doubtful – AND – watching everyone else’s lives seem to be moving right along.

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Problems Reside In Panic Mode

Posted on Feb 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“If you yearn to make true progress in your life/work/relationships, come at all your circumstances from a place of calm, not chaos.”

One of the most common, and biggest untruths that I see in my work with people (myself included) is: “My power is outside of me”.

This belief shows up in a variety of ways depending on where you are in your life stage.

Take work for example. If you work for someone else you at one point or another, have felt that your employer/your boss has power over your well-being. That, if God forbid, you mess up or disappoint them, you’d be fired and your own sense of safety and security would be threatened.

Or say you work for yourself – you probably feel this belief even stronger – where you don’t have the consistent income (a.k.a Source) of an employer plopping money into your account every other week – and therefore feel a heavy burden of trying to figure-out where the money will come from each month.

The belief that your power lies outside of you shows up everywhere – in relationships, in life, and in work.

Being aware that this false belief exists is the KEY to feel more confident, courageous, and yes, worthy.

It’s my belief that our circumstances – each and every one of them – is a beautiful opportunity to “SEE”, as if looking into a mirror, where the growth opportunities are.

If you feel, or have ever felt, helpless and powerless and as if the circumstances of your life feel out of your control, the first place to begin is looking at the set-up of your life – exactly as it is today and seeing it, and everyone in it, as a mirror that is there to serve you and teach you.

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Not Good Enough In Stages

Posted on Jan 7, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Your current circumstances are perfect. Your past, your present and your future are what is intended and planned for your life. Accept and embrace – it’s all good!”

When people start-out on the path of finally listening and acting upon the voice of their soul, they almost always discover a great need to spiritually awaken not only themselves, but others. It just works like that, when you feel inspired about new things you’ve learned, you naturally want to share that knowledge with others.

So the journey of self-discovery and yearning to serve others begins.

What happens often for most folks starting out on the service path, (and is what happened to me when I was starting out), is that you focus on the sharing with others and helping others piece first. You have such a desire to help and serve that you tend to repeat the pattern of focusing on the outside first, before going within.

But, the beauty of utilizing a creative aspiration such as a business to serve others is that it provides you with a mirror for all your “stuff” to show-up. You begin to see your patterns from long ago and you see where you tend to put the opinions of others in authority over your own self-worth.

And this is where many who are in the “service” field are operating – looking to the outside world to meet their unmet needs for self-worth – to feel important, worthy, special, unique, and SEEN.

This approach of course doesn’t help anyone. It doesn’t help you and it certainly doesn’t help the people that you’re serving.

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The Big Fear That Holds You Back

Posted on Oct 15, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~Winston Churchill

I remember when I was in school growing up, that the one thing I always got in trouble for was: talking too much.

My Mom used to go to the parent/teacher conferences and my teachers would always say the same thing: “Brenda is a good student but she never stops talking – even when we tell her not to, she continues as if she didn’t hear us!”.

Well, looking back at my younger self, I can see many reasons why I never wanted to be quiet in school. One of them is because talking, communicating, speaking, teaching, writing, etc. is what I was put here to do.

I have the gift of gab as they say and I use it to help others as best I can. Yet, my gift of gab hasn’t always been honored or cherished either by me or by others.

I’ve shunned myself many times for having opinions about things and for using my voice – especially when others weren’t in agreement about what I had to say. In fact, I’ve had others get down-right angry at me for expressing my feelings and opinions.

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Breaking This Common Habit

Posted on Oct 9, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Loving yourself involves the discovery of the true wonder of you; not only the present you, but the many possibilities of you. It involves the continual realization that you are unique, like no other person in the world, that life is, or should be, the discovery, the development and the sharing of this uniqueness.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

Last week, in one of my coaching sessions, I had given my client some homework to gain more clarity on a VISION that she’s been struggling to define.

To do her homework most authentically and effectively, I made sure to encourage her to go somewhere quiet and private that would allow her to go within to seek the answers and clarity she needs.

When we kicked off our coaching call, I was excited to hear the enthusiasm in her voice. She explained that initially she didn’t give herself quiet time or any privacy to do the homework. In fact, she went to Starbucks and found herself people watching for over 3 hours!

Yet, what she explained next was absolutely profound.

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Being Your Own Person

Posted on Apr 24, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.” ~Johann von Goethe

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Yet, most of us were taught to cover-up the core of who we are in order
to be accepted by others in both our original family of origin, and our peer groups growing up.

Becoming who you were designed to be is a courageous act because it requires you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It requires you to understand that not everyone is going to approve of what you do and who you commit to becoming.

That’s okay, people pleasing is so out-dated.

The most important and courageous act in being your own person is: accepting and loving ALL parts of yourself first and foremost. The parts that you honor and cherish and the parts that you’d rather not look at for fear that they are unacceptable.

I believe we spend way too much time trying to be perfect than being who we’re meant to be.

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Carried Shame & Worthiness

Posted on Apr 17, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” ~Ram Dass

In my work with people, the best way I can describe them hovering over a worth issue is when they know what it is that they truly desire and want – yet they struggle with a hold-back – a block of not being able to experience it – and they have no idea why.

The best analogy I heard for this was described by Debbie Ford in one of her books where she said (which I’ll paraphrase): The feeling is like being stuck in a glass capsule. On the outside you can see what it is that you desire. You are close enough to almost touch and taste it – but you’re just far enough away to fully grab on and claim it as yours.

Can you relate with this glass capsule feeling in your own life? Where you desire something to change whether it’s in your work, your relationship(s) or in how you live – but you know you’re hovering over a worth issue, and aren’t really sure what to do with it?

If you can relate, something to consider when it comes to your worthiness challenges is the concept of carried shame.

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Dealing With Self Doubt

Posted on Oct 17, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

In your life you’ve most likely doubted yourself, your abilities, and your overall
self-worth at some point, right?

Well, that’s actually a really good thing because if you didn’t feel self-doubt, or struggle with your overall worthiness, then you wouldn’t be living up to your full potential and experiencing the growth and evolution that your soul longs for.

See, the thing that I’ve found that has tremendous transformative effects on people is the Truth that – your dreams, desires, and adventures that you long to take, and things that you yearn to do, have absolutely nothing to do with your overall worthiness or feeling deserving, or ‘good enough’ – but in actuality, have everything to do with what your soul came to experience and needs to fully express in order to feel alive.

It really is that simple, yet not always so easy to embrace and then to take action.

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