Needs vs. Wants

Posted on Apr 21, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

Thomas Leonard, said it best when he said:
“Something that you need is a requirement, but many of us treat our needs
as our wants and make them optional.”

This statement above, says something so groundbreaking, so fundamental to your ability to experience inner well-being that it could potentially go unnoticed. So, you may want to read it again. I’ll wait here.

Treating your needs as optional is something most all of us have done, or continue to do each day without even realizing it. This is a habit of self-sabotage where you may continually ignore needs that you have without even realizing that’s what you’re doing.

Without knowing that you even have needs, let alone even have the right to honor them, is what can be troubling and will, without a doubt, cause havoc in your life and you’re your overall well-being.

If you’re a woman who has loads of responsibilities on your plate – a family, work, relationships and a slew of other responsibilities and tasks that need to be taken care of, you most likely have needs that aren’t getting met in the way that would soothe your soul.

See the thing is – we always get our needs met. The important thing to know is, we get our needs met in either self-supporting and self-honoring ways, or in ways in which we experience self-sabotage and self-loathing.

The Truth is: You’ll know it’s self-sabotage when you feel regret. You’ll know it’s self-honoring when you feel proud.

As Thomas states above, if you treat your needs as if they are wants, then you’ll believe that needs are optional and this couldn’t be further from the Truth.

Imagine that you’re hungry, starving actually and you need food to fill that hunger. Treat your needs in this same context and I encourage you to make them, and you, a top priority in your life.

When it comes to the Claim Your Worth!® journey, you need to realize that you have needs to feel worthy, important, and special. You also needs to be remembered, to make a contribution, and to feel as if your life mattered.

What needs to be addressed however, is the Truth that, if you rely on outside sources – people, things, accomplishments, etc. to fill unmet needs, you’ll continually feel vulnerable to those outside forces and always feel at the mercy of them.

In other words, you’ll feel constantly hungry for more recognition, more appreciation and it truly will never be enough.

The key is to first unearth what your needs are, then, to give yourself permission to honor them and realize they get met from within and that you have the ability to feel fulfilled, happy and peaceful from the inside first.

This topic isn’t one that is cut and dry and it does require deeper exploration, but I have provided some Worth Work below where I give you some tips to take some inventory of where you may be feeling like you’re being pulled in a million different directions but still can’t get off the treadmill of giving to others … and how to stop the overwhelm and honor you first.

 

WORTH WORK

This week consider your needs at all levels – from your basic needs of survival with having a roof over your head to your needs for feeling worthy, and held in high regard by yourself and others.

Then, ask yourself, in regard to my needs around my own worth, do I have a strong need to feel appreciated and special? Do I have strong needs to feel needed and important to others and to be remembered?

Then, ask yourself: Am I experiencing ‘not enough’ in this area where I’m constantly giving to others but not getting anything back? Do I give without ever receiving?

Then, consider that you may be on the treadmill of constantly giving to the point of exhaustion and drain because you have an unmet need around your worth that needs to be met.

As always, Be Truthful with yourself and gentle at the same time – and see where you may be on a never-ending treadmill of giving and it’s time to begin to say no to others and yes to yourself a lot more.

 

Have a beautiful, worthy week!
Brenda


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