Going Against Your Natural Instinct

Posted on May 11, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

“You are valuable not for what you do but for who you are.”

I have a hunch that you’re a giver – you most likely give without even realizing that you’re giving. You give compliments, you give assistance, you give advice, you give and you give some more – without expecting anything in return.

It’s in your nature to give.

Yet, I have another hunch – a long time ago – you were good at receiving too…

Perhaps you used your voice when you were young and asked for what you wanted, expressed your needs – and then, something happened where you got chastised for being this way. Maybe you were told you were being selfish or spoiled?

In the ‘worth work’ I do, I see this often to be the case. People not realizing that ‘selfish’ is not only a swear word to them deep inside their consciousness – but that it’s actually an aspect that’s been cast off into the shadow – labeled as dark and bad.

We’ve all heard it in various ways – whether through well meaning friends or books you may have read: “You need to be more selfish – you need to take good care of yourself – you need to ask for what you want. You need to learn to receive”

Yet, if you have a shadow aspect of yourself that loathes not only the word ‘selfish’ –but gets physically uncomfortable at the thought of it, you’ll most likely have the intention to be more giving to yourself – but find yourself back into the comfort of giving and giving some more – and…most likely at the detriment of your own happiness.

Giving is a beautiful quality – and there are plenty of people who will naturally receive what you have to give.

Giving becomes a challenge when you feel like you’re exhausted from giving all of yourself, you don’t feel like your time is your own, and you feel like you’re getting the short end of the stick.

So what do you do when your natural instinct is to give and give some more – yet you know deep within that you’re craving to receive more – and allow yourself to be given to – just as much – if not more than what you give.

Check-out the Worthy Work below where I provide some practical steps to help you go against your natural instincts to be more in line with your Truth – so not only you benefit, but so does everyone around you!



If you find yourself being a natural giver – praise yourself because it’s an absolute beautiful quality. Yet, if you find yourself giving to the point where you feel resentful – or exhausted, then you could potentially have the aspect of ‘being selfish’ in your shadow. To help you re-claim this aspect so it benefits everyone – take these steps:

Re-Own Selfish: Perhaps the word selfish – and what it represents is something that you don’t feel comfortable with. You’ll know this to be true if you find yourself instantly thinking – “that’s not me!” – or you get triggered by other ‘selfish’ people – and you have a hard time ‘being’ with the word or anyone who is displaying selfishness. The first step is to re-own ‘selfish’ – you probably know what you don’t like about it – but what is the gift of being selfish – what is something good about it?

Re-Define Selfish: As we everything in life, we tend to go to extremes and what we’re all craving is balance. The same is true with aspects about you. After you realize what the gift is in being selfish, you also want to consider what you see as bad about it. Then, consider that you may have given selfish a bad rap – yes there are selfish people who never give to others – and that is a good example of being fully selfish. But, what if you consider giving to yourself to as being self-FULL vs. being selfish?

Re-Direct Your Instincts: The next step is to simply notice when you’re giving to the point where you know you’ve hit your tolerance mark. Either you’re not checking in with yourself and simply saying ‘yes’ automatically vs. considering if it’s something you really want to do or give. Then, the challenge will be to go against your natural instinct – and rather than give immediately – let whomever know (this could be yourself) that you need some time to think about it – and take a step back before you give. Are you up for the challenge?

Consider this – would you want someone to give to you if they really didn’t want to? That’s a good gauge for being true and authentic with you – because others deserve that authenticity too.

Enjoy your week monitoring your giving and taking a step against your natural instincts!


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