Feeling Less Than Others

Posted on May 8, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” ~Marianne Williamson

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

I find that in almost every case with clients who have this fear/block of losing love, that it stems from learning (very early-on), that in order to receive “love”, to fit-in and belong, and to connect – even on a surface level – that you must put others needs before your own, bolster other people up, stroke their egos, and focus on them first before all else – otherwise, you’ll lose love.

Yikes. Not fun to hear – but often this is the “reality” for many who feel stuck between wanting to expand, create, grow, and continually
Self Discover– but fearing that if you do – you’ll lose love, connection and belonging – which by the way – is one of Maslow’s basic needs – so no wonder it’s a scary proposition!

And, being a service-oriented, giving individual whose nature it is to give – you no doubt have a tough time with saying no, putting your needs first, and standing up for what you believe in. Yet, as Cheryl Richardson – the epitome of living a life steeped in tremendous service – reminds us (and I paraphrase) – if you want to help create a meaningful life for others, you need to create a meaningful life for yourself first.

If you know you’re at a crossroads and are ready to make some changes and embrace the
Real You – and know that in order to do so, you need to make some different choices around knowing and claiming your own value and worth, then check-out the Worthy Work below where I give you some simple things to contemplate to help you see yourself and your innate worth from a new perspective.


To Your Worth!



If you are at a crossroads and ready to step-out more fully and live a more expansive, creatively expressed life that feels fuller and happier – yet feel stuck – consider that you may believe deep down that in order to be liked, to be connected and to receive attention – that you believe others were more important than you and that you were/are inferior to them.

Your head may immediately disagree and say – no way. Yet stick with me.

Consider that – when you were younger – in order to stay “safe” and survive – and receive love and attention from others – within and outside your family – that you learned to diminish your own value and worth to gain approval and connection from others.

And there is a part of you who yearns for things to be different – and for you to step-out of this old way of being – yet another part keeps you stuck right where you are – stuck in the old patterns and ways of being.

Now, this week, give thought to who you believed you had to be to receive love and belonging.
Did you need to become someone “smaller”, “less than”, and inferior in order to make others like you and feel more comfortable around you?

Then, give yourself the opportunity to contemplate these Truths: I have choices now. I can change how I live and respond to others. I have dominion over how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I deserve to live the life I was designed to live. It is my birthright to be joyful and feel good.

Knowing that you have choices and have control over how you live your life is very powerful. Claiming this power – and your worth – is even more powerful. Permission has been granted – will you say yes?


To Your Worth!

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