Feeling Deserving of Self-Care

Posted on May 22, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

I’m sure you’ve heard of the powerful statement that Dr. Phil has used which is: “You teach people how to treat you.” Very true statement for sure.

There is another variation to this statement that could read: “Others teach you how to treat you.” In other words, you learn your sense of self-worth early-on based on how you were treated.

If you were nurtured, loved and paid attention to – you most likely have an easy time continuing
these habits for yourself.

If you weren’t nurtured and cared for the way you deserved to be, and you experienced abandonment, neglect, and emotional abuse – then you most likely have a hard time with feeling worthy of self-care. And, you most likely have an easier time forgetting about yourself and focusing on others needs before your own

Feeling worthy of your own time and attention is a skill that most of us need to learn to
incorporate into our everyday lives. Society teaches us that we must do good, give to others, and
be good people. All true statements.

Yet, you truly can’t give what you don’t already have (a.k.a. energy, feeling of fullness and
love, etc.) – when you’re running on an empty tank. We all know how it feels to do for others, but
when you’re doing so out of a sense of guilt and/or obligation, it doesn’t feel so good.

Take for example a client whom the other day had a realization about her own lack of self-care.
She said she knew exactly what she loved to do and wanted to do – but she just didn’t take the time
for herself and couldn’t understand why.

After some deeper digging, we discovered that she had a core belief that stated: “Nobody ever
cared when we were younger, so why should you care now?”

She also realized that she took on her parent’s values of work
before anything else and believed that she couldn’t put her own needs first – otherwise
she wouldn’t survive!

Wow, powerful how those core false beliefs can run your life for decades huh?

This client realized that because she didn’t receive the time and attention she deserved to
receive as a kid, that she believed she wasn’t worthy of her own self-care.

And the beautiful thing is – once she became aware of this core false belief that was running her
life, she now can change it and see that it’s not true.

She now feels in her bones that she is worthy of giving herself time and attention – and she
doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do so. The only permission she needs is from herself – and she
must make the commitment to put herself first. Not easy but totally doable and necessary to living
a great life and making a significant contribution

If you realize that you’re not giving yourself the time and attention that you know you deserve –
and know that if you did – your life would look and feel better – check-out the Worthy Work below
for some tips on how-to carve out time for you and
Raise Your Worthy Standards and attract in more of what you’re truly worthy of in your life.


To Your Worth!



To help you remember how deserving you are of self-care, jot down this statement by Iyanla Vanzant to remind you: “ I am worthy of my own time and attention”. Powerful reminder for sure. Now, here are 3 tips to help you get started on your self-care kick straight away – watch how you feel better instantly:

1.Make An Energy Drain List – carve-out ½ hour and jot down all the things that are draining your energy in all areas of your life – around the house, your car, at work, in your relationships, with your self, etc. Then, take your list and commit to 10 things you can tackle within the next 30-days and make a commitment to get them done and checked off your list. You will feel amazing by the energy you have by taking care of these things while also feeling proud and accomplished.

2.Say No More – learning to say no to things you really don’t want to do is a skill that must be learned if you’re to believe you’re worthy of your own time and attention. Often we feel like we *have to* or *should* do something but that’s obligation, not a pure want or desire. It’s not easy to say no to others – especially if they’ve been relying on you for pretty much everything. But if you’re committed to living your best life and being your best, true self, it’s a requirement. Explain to others that you’re making your self-care a top priority and that you’ll more likely be saying no to things more – if they understand, great, if they don’t that’s okay too. Just have the courage to do it – you won’t regret it, I promise.

3.Switch-Up Your Energy – when our energy gets stagnant our mood reflects it. We can feel life-less, low, depressed, hopeless and as if life is beating us up. In order to get out of a funk, make a list of what things you can do that will move energy and switch-up your mood. Some ideas are: take a walk, drink water, get a massage, dance to music, pat your pet, do some yoga moves, etc. All of these acts are moving life-energy through your body and will no doubt switch-up your mood in 10-minutes or less.

These are some quick tips that if you incorporate them into your life, you’ll be feeling better instantly. Just remember, as Iyanla reminds us – you are worthy of your own time and attention. Only you can give yourself the self-care you deserve – will you say YES to yourself starting today?


To Your Worth!

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