The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

I find that in almost every case with clients who have this fear/block of losing love, that it stems from learning (very early-on), that in order to receive “love”, to fit-in and belong, and to connect – even on a surface level – that you must put others needs before your own, bolster other people up, stroke their egos, and focus on them first before all else – otherwise, you’ll lose love.

Yikes. Not fun to hear – but often this is the “reality” for many who feel stuck between wanting to expand, create, grow, and continually
Self Discover– but fearing that if you do – you’ll lose love, connection and belonging – which by the way – is one of Maslow’s basic needs – so no wonder it’s a scary proposition!

And, being a service-oriented, giving individual whose nature it is to give – you no doubt have a tough time with saying no, putting your needs first, and standing up for what you believe in. Yet, as Cheryl Richardson – the epitome of living a life steeped in tremendous service – reminds us (and I paraphrase) – if you want to help create a meaningful life for others, you need to create a meaningful life for yourself first.

If you know you’re at a crossroads and are ready to make some changes and embrace the
Real You – and know that in order to do so, you need to make some different choices around knowing and claiming your own value and worth, then check-out the Worthy Work below where I give you some simple things to contemplate to help you see yourself and your innate worth from a new perspective.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Recently I read a passage by the author Pamela Field in her book: A Woman Who Dreams Herself that: “We have two lives that run parallel with each other: the life we’ve inherited, and the life our Higher Self (a.k.a. our soul) has planned for us. And, at any moment, we can decide to change tracks.”

Have you ever thought of it that way? That there is the life that was passed onto you without any conscious choice – and then there is the life that is imbedded deep within your soul – like a blueprint – that has the plans on where YOU are meant to go and what you’re meant to do.

As I mentioned in the previous article: Carried Shame and Worthiness, oftentimes we don’t realize that if you’re stuck, or feeling a certain way about yourself, or doubting your abilities, etc. – it’s oftentimes a result of you holding onto someone else’s “stuff” and you holding onto shame that wasn’t yours to begin with.

I see this so often in the work that I do – where folks describe to me symptoms of feeling off-track, that something is missing, that they know there is something more for them to do and express – yet they face a hold-back that they can’t put their finger on.

The hold-back that most of us feel from time-to-time is either
lack of clarity on what steps to be taking next, or seeing what it is that you yearn to do, but
fearing and doubting that you have the capability to actually do it!

Yet, the truth is: there is a blueprint within your soul that has all the instructions, plans, insight, confidence and courage that you need to move forward and live the life that you were designed to live.

And, the key to living the life you were designed to live is learning to go about receiving answers and insight on which direction to head from the inside. This approach may seem counter intuitive to how most of us were taught on how-to gain clarity or advice – but it’s truly the only way to live authentically and to live in integrity with your own soul’s path.

If you’re ready to start journeying within and gaining some more clarity on where your soul yearns for to go – and who you’re destined to become – check-out the Worthy Work below for some guidance on how-to get started.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Yet, most of us were taught to cover-up the core of who we are in order
to be accepted by others in both our original family of origin, and our peer groups growing up.

Becoming who you were designed to be is a courageous act because it requires you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It requires you to understand that not everyone is going to approve of what you do and who you commit to becoming.

That’s okay, people pleasing is so out-dated.

The most important and courageous act in being your own person is: accepting and loving ALL parts of yourself first and foremost. The parts that you honor and cherish and the parts that you’d rather not look at for fear that they are unacceptable.

I believe we spend way too much time trying to be perfect than being who we’re meant to be.

Deep down there are core beliefs that if we aren’t acting in a certain way, then something must be wrong with us – we’re defective – or a “sinner”- and don’t deserve what we truly desire.

Yet, what’s really true about being your own person is to accept that whatever inclinations that you have – whatever personality quirks – or challenges that you deal with all the time – those are there to evolve you and help you grow.

Consider the truth that – you chose all the circumstances in your life – therefore nothing is “wrong” – it’s ALL Right – and alright. Imagine looking at your life that way – that every circumstance, person and event happened for the evolution of your soul because you needed it in order to evolve. Refreshing isn’t it?

In my work what I find to be folks biggest challenge when making the all important decision to claim their worth is: they think they need to become someone different in order to BE worthy. When, in actuality, what is required is a process of self-acceptance, trust and faith.

If you’re ready and committed to being your OWN person and claiming your own worth, check-out the Worthy Work below to discover how accepting all of you and learning to trust and have faith in life is the KEY to Re-Discovering the Real You.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

In my work with people, the best way I can describe them hovering over a worth issue is when they know what it is that they truly desire and want – yet they struggle with a hold-back – a block of not being able to experience it – and they have no idea why.

The best analogy I heard for this was described by Debbie Ford in one of her books where she said (which I’ll paraphrase): The feeling is like being stuck in a glass capsule. On the outside you can see what it is that you desire. You are close enough to almost touch and taste it – but you’re just far enough away to fully grab on and claim it as yours.

Can you relate with this glass capsule feeling in your own life? Where you desire something to change whether it’s in your work, your relationship(s) or in how you live – but you know you’re hovering over a worth issue, and aren’t really sure what to do with it?

If you can relate, something to consider when it comes to your worthiness challenges is the concept of carried shame.

Carried shame is when you are holding onto to someone else’s stuff. It’s a feeling of overwhelming responsibility for something that you feel guilty of – but you aren’t sure what you did that was so wrong.

You just know that you don’t feel worthy – and that you need to avoid being fully seen and claiming what you truly desire because of this underlying shame that you feel.

Almost always any carried shame began with your family of origin and most likely it all happened unconsciously. It happened as a result of you taking on the shame of a family member (or several family members) because that is your nature – to take-on responsibility and blame – even if it wasn’t your fault.

We could go on for days discussing this topic and there are plenty of resources on the web if you wish to delve deeper into the topic of carried shame. But, for our purposes here, and to help you move forward with releasing the shackles of any shame you’re holding onto – check-out the Worthy Work below for some specific insights and tips.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

When you make the all important decision to live the life you’re destined to live, you will go through a myriad of emotions. One biggie of an emotion is the “should-a, could-a, would-a” effect – where you feel “if only” I had done this – or “if only” they had done that – or “if only” it could of worked out this way.

Having regrets about your past and/or present circumstances, not only hold you back from manifesting your highest vision, but regrets also drain your energy and keep you steeped in old self-defeating programming and patterns.

To regret is to feel a sense of loss, disappointment, and an overall dissatisfaction with a decision or circumstance in your life. These feelings, if you explore them, most likely are repeats of the past and reminders of false beliefs that you aren’t worthy, that you can’t have what you want, and that your dreams will never manifest.

Sound familiar?

If you struggle with regrets and find yourself beating yourself up for past “mistakes” your goal is to first look at what having regrets keeps you from doing. In other words, how does having regrets in your life excuse you from living your best life?

I’ve spoken about the fact that many of us dream of having a better life – with new, more positive, loving experiences – yet – the fear of loss – and the fear of potential disappointment that goes along with claiming that life, can feel really scary.

And this the fear of change, can keep you stuck and stifled forever.

Yet, if you’re ready to get beyond the habit of beating yourself up and are ready to overcome regrets for good, then check-out the Worthy Work below which will give you some tips and tools to begin honoring yourself and your decisions and seeing how they all swirl into the beautiful picture of your possibility-filled life.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

Lately I’ve been finding myself talking more and more about the fact that having clarity on what it is that you really, really want, is extremely underrated.

It’s interesting to see the resistance that crops up when I encourage clients to start with the end in mind – to step back, take some time out, and get clear on what it is that they would really like to see happen – BEFORE we begin to put the action pieces in place.

At first glance, I used to think that the resistance that folks have to the visioning process had to do with them just wanting to get started with the action pieces because they value feeling productive above anything else.

And even though the need to feel productive still tends to trump the creative process of visioning, I’ve found another reason folks resist the visioning process – and this reason boils down to plain ol’ FEAR & Self-Doubt

Believe it or not, having a vision for things to be different – and then, committing to taking action against that vision, is something that – to your subconscious mind – feels scarier than staying with the same ol’, same ol’.

The reason for this fear of change, is because your subconscious mind is programmed to “protect” you against harm – and when you go to make changes – even if they’re positive – your subconscious mind will do everything in it’s power to “protect” you from any sort of change.

This is why visioning and thinking with the end in mind is so powerful and effective, yet something that many resist without knowing why.

When you think with the end in mind and gain clarity on what you’d love your life to look like – in all areas – home & surroundings, financial, overall well-being, relationships, career, spiritual, physical health – you send a powerful message to the Universe that you know what you desire and are will do what it takes to make it happen. There is nothing more powerful than this.

If you’re ready to embrace the power of visioning and begin by thinking with the end in mind, check-out the Worthy Work below for some tips on how-to get started.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

Each day the past tries to creep into all of our minds and remind us of all the reasons why we can’t have what we truly desire or why we can’t be truly happy.

This can show up when you go to dream about a new adventure or endeavor and begin to consider the possibility of it actually happening. And before you know it, your inner critic is right there to remind you of all the reasons why it won’t work.

I remember a time in my life where I didn’t know the difference from my inner critic voice and the voice of my soul. I remember having dreams and things I wished to do, but having this voice inside tell me it will never happen so don’t bother trying.

It wasn’t until I worked with a coach who understood the critical importance of the “inner work”, that I began to compartmentalize my inner critic voice and realize that it wasn’t all of me, it was a part of me, but not all of me.

This revelation of compartmentalizing my inner critic voice from the voice of my heart was huge because I learned how-to deal with it when it cropped up.

Just last week, I contributed to an article in Woman’s World magazine titled: “Why am I so hard on myself?”, which gave some tips on how-to help women specifically abolish self-doubt. The article was prompted because of a recent, shocking study which found that the average woman has 36 negative thoughts about herself every day!

It’s hard to believe sometimes how we talk to ourselves each day. Yet, becoming aware is the first step to shifting your mindset and learning how-to believe the Truth that you really are good enough and capable of all that you desire.

Check-out the Worthy Work below where I share a tip for how-to turn off negativity in seconds and the shifts I received in my own life (and continue to receive) as a result of implementing this.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

As I looked ahead of me at all the traffic, I remembered all the mornings, and evenings, I’d spent in sitting in my car- feeling like I wasting my life away.

I always remember looking around – trying to catch the eye of other people in their cars – wondering if they were thinking what I was:  “What are we all following each other to?  What are we chasing?”

When I was in corporate I always felt like an outcast. Come to think of it, my whole life I felt like an outcast – a black sheep – someone who always got into trouble for drawing outside the lines, not fitting into a mold, or box, wanting things to be different, and searching for an escape hatch – a place where I could find a blank canvas to draw-out that vision.

Even when I quit corporate and launched my own gig, I spent many years trying to ‘fit-in’ within the entrepreneurship mold.  Without realizing I was doing it, I began to try on other people’s visions, and ‘ways’ of doing things, yet none of them fit right. Once again, I found myself wondering – where does a ‘black sheep’ like me fit-in?

The truth is, black-sheep don’t fit-in.  That’s the point.

You know you’re a black sheep when you know you’re different, you know that you’re creative, you know that you have ideas, great ideas, yet you may not know where to channel them.  You may beat yourself up for being different- feeling like – if you could just find a place to ‘fit-in’, then everything would be okay.

Yet, I encourage you, rather than looking for a place to “fit-in”- socially, personally, professionally,  rather – look within and begin to embrace that beautiful black-sheep – that woman who is different, and was born that way – unique, creative, and a genius – who rather than writing on someone else’s canvas, has to find her own to paint her masterpiece.

Finding, and using your Voice, isn’t always an easy thing – or a popular thing.  If you’re a creative women who may have grown-up being told (in many ways – verbally and non-verbally) that you need to “go sit down and be quiet”, you may have a hard time with even knowing that you have a Voice, something unique, that you want to say, and only you can say it in your own ‘way’.

I encourage you to take some time, reflect, dig-down, see if the black sheep analogy resonates.  If it does, being the betting woman I am, I bet you have something very unique to ‘say’ and share with the world, all you need is the right platform.

Will you take some time to embrace your black-sheep and discover what she has to say?

As always, it’s your choice.

To Your Worth,
Brenda

Accepting “what is” is probably the hardest thing for us to do. Afterall, isn’t the purpose of life to change what is?

Unconsciously – the collective belief “out there” in our world is to constantly change and improve our circumstances, ourselves, relationships, etc – whatever it is – we are taught that it isn’t good enough as is.

We are taught through a variety of mediums (especially advertisers), that we must change in order to be happier, fulfilled and living the good life.

But is that true? Is it true that your happy life and great future exist somewhere out there – in fantasy land?

In truth, Someday When syndrome is a recipe for suffering vs a recipe for satisfaction.

When we feel that things (or we) should be different that what they (or we) are, it causes not only discontent, but an overwhelming feeling of pure responsibility to “fix” what we preceive as wrong.

So, what is the secret for living with “What Is” and continuing to evolve into your Truest Best Self?

Check-out the Worthy Work below where I offer some tips on how-to switch-up your energy in your life to accept what-is while continuing to receive the results you want and desire in your life, work and relationships.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

The first inclination when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and lacking all motivation to do anything is to – get out of this state quickly! The feelings that arise when you’re stuck are very uncomfortable and almost unbearable because they go against your character and who you know yourself to be.

If you identify yourself with being a can-do, go-getter, overachiever who has a track-record of getting things done – then being stuck in a rut is probably the worst feeling you could feel. It goes against the grain of everything you know about yourself and it hits hard to your identity and how you see yourself – and, where you source your value.

Imagine for a moment that you source your value and self-worth from giving.

Consider that you may get a hit of adrenaline every time you accomplish, give, or prove that you’re valuable by doing or giving – whether it’s to someone or something – it feels good to get it done or provide because it feeds something in you – albeit temporarily.

Yet, at the same time, you may feel resentful and not know why. You may wonder why it seems that you never get back what you give. You may begin to get angry but have no idea why you’re angry. You may begin to feel sad and not know why. Pretty soon you find yourself not only sad, but stuck in a full-blown rut and have no idea how you got here.

Sound familiar?

Just know that being stuck in a rut happens after a long-time of ignoring your
unmet needs. We all get stuck from time-to-time – but getting stuck and being stuck in a rut are different.

Being stuck in a rut is a place that feels dark, unfamiliar, and totally uncomfortable. It feels like you took a wrong turn and ended up on a dead-end street and have no idea where you are or how to get back “home”.

At the same time, in all your giving and doing without receiving much (if anything) back, you may have been secretly, unconsciously praying for something to give.

You may have not even realized how the “old you” no longer fit into your daily life. How the Real You was encouraging you in your quietest moments to claim more for yourSELF, to give yourself a break, and to GIVE back to you for a change – and to learn to receive vs. feeling like you had to over-fill everyone else’s cups while you sit with an empty one.

If you can relate with feeling like you’re stuck in an unfamiliar place – where you can’t see where to go next and you know you’re in a rut – but know at the same time – it’s a much needed place for your evolution and growth – then check-out the Worthy Work below for some tips on how-to shine some light into this dark place and help you see the colors that are emerging in your life.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda