Last week, in one of my coaching sessions, I had given my client some homework to gain more clarity on a VISION that she’s been struggling to define.

To do her homework most authentically and effectively, I made sure to encourage her to go somewhere quiet and private that would allow her to go within to seek the answers and clarity she needs.

When we kicked off our coaching call, I was excited to hear the enthusiasm in her voice. She explained that initially she didn’t give herself quiet time or any privacy to do the homework. In fact, she went to Starbucks and found herself people watching for over 3 hours!

Yet, what she explained next was absolutely profound.

She explained: “But then, as I watched yet another person walk through the door of Starbucks, and wondered what their life was like and how they seem to have it all perfect, I realized, in that moment, a habit that I’ve held onto my whole life. The habit of looking to others and the outside world for my answers, ideas and clarity!”

As our call continued, my client explained how in that moment she realized that rather than trying to be authentic with who she really is as a creative soul, that she was trying to “fit-in” to the outside world and look for her vision and originality outside of herself.

She went on to explain: “It was uncanny when I realized this habit that I’ve held onto because it revealed so much about my false belief system. I realized that I’ve been looking for a place in the world to belong – some corner or group that I can mold myself into and become like them vs. me being who I really am and allowing the appropriate people, places and things to mold around me!”

What insight that is huh?

This is a habit I believe we’ve all been taught to have in one form or another: Look outside yourself for answers, clarity, approval and acceptance vs. allowing yourself to write your own script and ATTRACT the right opportunities and other resources to you.

To help you break the habit of looking outside of yourself to find the answers, check-out the Worthy Work below which gives you some guidelines on how-to trust your own instincts and insights.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

I remember years back, when I had about a year of coaching under my belt, I hired a photographer to take some pictures of me for the new website I was creating.

This photographer was referred to me by a friend, and I had known that she had recently gotten married and was going through some major transitions in her life.

For the photo shoot, she and I decided to meet in the woods near my home – where we thought we could get some nice shots outside.

During the shoot, we chatted about a variety of things and our conversation eventually landed on the topic of her recent marriage. We discussed the changes she was undergoing in her life and she explained that not only did she just marry the love of her life, but she had lost over 100 lbs!

Needless to say this gal was claiming her worth in a variety of ways in her life!

During our conversation, one comment stuck-out to me, and to this day, I never forgot it. She said: “It took me a long time to get to this place in my life but I finally know, deep in bones, that I deserve it”.

That one comment struck me deep in my own gut because I knew exactly what she meant. This gal had experienced enough pain in her life, and was now finally ready to give herself permission to be happy and to experience joy.

She knew in her bones that she had enough of that old story and was now ready to embrace what her soul knew that she deeply deserved.

And here is the thing that you need to know about your own worthiness and ability to receive and experience what you truly desire: any experiences that you’ve had in your life – painful or pleasurable – aren’t a reflection of your worth – they are just experiences – not “good”, not “bad” – just something that you agreed to experience for the sake of remembering who you really are.

And, in order to experience, and remember who you really are, you must experience contrast – the opposite of what you’re meant to evolve into – otherwise, how would you have clarity on what you truly desire to experience and receive?

This is where folks get stuck. Feeling an internal conflict where you attach your self-worth to things that have happened to you and the circumstances that you’ve found yourself in. As if something “bad” that has happened was your fault or reflected on your own worth – vs. it being an experience that your soul agreed to have in order for you to eventually – down the road in your life – experience it’s opposite.

And this is where the internal battle begins.

You –the Real You – is your soul beginning to blossom and open-up – desiring and gaining clarity on the life you’re meant to live – and then your head telling you that you aren’t worthy of that life because of the circumstances you’ve experienced – or – the circumstances that you find yourself in right now as “proof” of your unworthiness or inability to bring about what you truly desire.

Now is where the real “Worthy Work” begins – you transcending those old stories and that old identity and making a commitment to realize and Remember The Real You. This is why we’re here – to experience contrast – to come into this life and forget who we really are – and then to spend the rest of our lives remembering who we really are.

To help you get started with the process of transcending these old, limiting stories, check-out the Worthy Work below.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

As I discussed in last week’s Note Worthy, the recent Creative Life/Business Retreat that I taught was transformative, not only for the women attending, but for me as well.

I explained to the gals in attendance that I’ve been facing my own resistance around certain areas of life- especially when it comes to the work that I do.

I’ve known for quite some time that a deeper level of sharing is required to help teach these concepts and help others know they aren’t alone on the journey of claiming your worth in all areas of your life.

And, as it has always been so in my case, my life has been perfectly designed to continually learn and challenge myself within the area of self-worth – and – as I’m learning first-hand, the “Worth Work” never ends.

As I explained to the gals at the retreat, the resistance I’ve been facing lately is around my own self-doubt, and wondering if I’m really “qualified” to continue to be of integrity with the teachings – as my own life has felt very much like a Jerry Springer episode lately!

As a result, I’ve been struggling with the same challenges that we all do from time-to-time – feeling like a fraud, worrying about what others think, and making some
“stupid mistakes” when I know much better what to do.

Yet, deep down in my heart I know that God has given me – and will continue to give me – the perfect life circumstances (and people!) to be an absolute expert in the area of self-worth. That is for sure and that is the point of being given all the challenges – to learn from and to teach authentically from them.

What we all must know is – to be of integrity with the work you’re called to do, you first must learn and live what you’re meant to teach – and that process will never end. This is what makes the work so rich, valuable and powerful – it comes from first-hand life experience – not something that was read out of a textbook.

I write this today to let you know that when it comes to you – and your own journey with moving forward – and what you feel called to “do” – know that if you’ve ever felt that you didn’t have the credibility or the qualifications to do what you yearn to do – or teach something that you feel called to teach – that you do have what it takes and you have everything you need from the experience of your life to do it!

Check-out the Worthy Work below where I share some more insights around with you to help you realize that on the journey of life, the only person you should deem as having the answers, having it all together, and knowing the way to go is your Higher Self – and you finding a teacher who can connect you with this part, is your goal.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

I shared the above quote with the group of gals who joined me in Kennebunkport, Maine for the Creative Business/Life Retreat that I held this past weekend. Needless to say we all got a great laugh from the quote and the Truth that the statement exudes.

You may be able to relate – and get a chuckle out of the above statement as well – where you’ve been (or are now being) surrounded by others who you know, aren’t being their Best Selves and, as a result, aren’t encouraging you to be your Best Self either.

This is why being around positive energy and people is so critical to your own growth and success in life, business and relationships. The key is knowing how to discern who and what has served you in the past and will continue to serve you – and who and what will not.

We all get stuck in ruts. We all get stuck in old patterns. And we all get stuck in believing that “this is all there is” and life is meant to be mediocre and bland.

But the Truth is – life is meant to be adventurous, joyous, mysterious, uplifting and constantly changing – which means you as a person are doing all those things! This is why it’s so important to surround yourself with positive energy – and this includes people who are just as committed to your growth and evolution as you are.

To help drive this point of being surrounded by positive energy/people, here is another very insightful quote I shared at the Retreat which is from Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés – which is a book I often share from here in Note Worthy:

“Having a lover/friend who regards you as a living growing criatura, being, just as much as the tree from the ground, or a ficus in the house, or a rose garden out in the side yard… having a lover and friends who look at you as a true living breathing entity, one that is human but made of very fine and moist and magical things as well… a lover and friends who support the ciatura in you… these are the people you are looking for. They will be the friends of your soul for life. Mindful choosing of friends and lovers, not to mention teachers, is critical to remaining conscious, remaining intuitive, remaining in charge of the fiery light that sees and knows.”

To help you make choices on who and what to let into your life and who/what to keep out, check-out the Worthy Work below for some tips to help you set some boundaries and appreciate and honor your own time, energy and attention and attract in others that do the same.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

I love to share the story of when I was on the ledge of quitting my corporate job to start my own coaching practice. I had just begun the journey of not only listening to my Wise, Inner Self, but actually following Her guidance.

One day as I sat at a red light, thinking about what to do next, I began with the whole “What If” vortex of thinking “What if this goes wrong, what if this happens, and what if this, that and the other thing happens?”

This pessimistic voice clearly wanted me to stay put at that red light and look for all the reasons why (and how) everything could go wrong and why I should just stay put in the ‘safety’ of my J.O.B.

Then, in the next moment, I heard a quiet, reassuring, compassionate, supportive voice whisper to me: “What if it all works out?”

Then the light turned green.

Hmmm, I thought to myself, “Where did that voice come from?”

After I finished looking in the rear view mirror to confirm that no one had hopped in my backseat, I thought, “Could that be a sign and the “green light” I’ve been looking for to just “Go for it?!?”

Well, fast forward many years later and clearly I decided to follow that ‘green light’ and that wise inner guidance – and ever since, she has never, ever steered me wrong.

This is not to say I haven’t been steered wrong, and had to make many U-Turns with so-called ‘mistakes’, but I realize that those decisions had more to do with me not trusting myself ‘enough’ and making a decision from a place of lack rather than abundance.

Trusting your Wise, Inner Self is one of the hardest things to do. Why? Because She leads you to lofty places. She leads you into the light, not into the shadows. She wants you to experience, joy, peace, love and happiness – and a balanced life, not one where you’re working just to survive.

And She would be the first to whisper to you when she sees you stuck in a habit of false beliefs – urging you to see what you’re worth vs. believing you deserve anything less than the best in life and in your work.

So what is your inner, Wise Voice speaking to you in this moment? What is She pulsating in your heart that your soul is hungry for? More time to just be? Pursuit of a creative endeavor? A difficult conversation that must be had?

Your beautiful soul knows the answer – and once you make a decision, She will walk with you, holding your hand through all of it. You just need to do one thing. Trust Her. Trust Your Self.

Check-out the Worthy Work below for some starter steps to begin the process of connecting and allowing your Inner Self to guide you.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

The statement above is from the fabulous book – Women Who Run With The Wolves – and is an acknowledgement for any woman who has ever felt like you’ve lost-out on life in some small or big way – or had too many paths that just didn’t turn-out the way you had planned or hoped for.

And the statement is a beautiful pre-cursor for an exercise the author encourages all women to do where she recommends constructing a personal ‘descansos’ – which is a symbol that marks a part of your life that was cut short. Typically a ‘descansos’ are known for being on the side of the road to mark the memory of a tragic accident and to honor a life that was cut short.

And in this case, I am introducing to the process of doing your own personal ‘descansos’ as a way for you to take inventory of any past hurts, ‘mistakes’, wrong turns, lost opportunities, broken hearts, and just plain disappointment that you’ve experienced on the road of life thus far.

Conducting your own ‘descansos’ is a way to document, honor, and grieve those individual deaths along the way – and leave them where they are meant to be left – in the past, honored, acknowledged, and on a road already taken in your life.

I experienced my own transformation with doing a ‘descansos’ where I found myself remembering and honoring past events that I didn’t realize had an effect on me so deeply. Through the exercise I discovered big blocks of resentment and anger for things that happened in life that I believed should have turned-out differently – but hadn’t.

I can’t stress enough how key this type of exercise is to the Claim Your Worth!® process because of the fact that – if you are holding onto resentment, anger and un-forgiveness, then you’ll undoubtedly block yourself from feeling deserving and worthy of what you yearn to experience in your own life – even if the resentment and anger and
un-forgiveness is directed toward someone else.

Because what it really boils down to is: looking around for the debt that you believe you’re owed from either someone else – or life in general – to pay you what you feel you’re entitled to. And having this view only keeps you steeped in a lack mentality because it keeps you looking around at what is owed you vs. looking within to what is already there.

This is why I encourage you to do the exercise with the ‘descansos’ so you can take inventory, acknowledge, and honor your past – and give all those mishaps, and missed opportunities credit for the role they played, and then, you can finally be debt-free and leave that old-debt where it belongs – with a small cross on the side of a very long, beautiful, sunny, flowered-lined road that is called – your life!

Check-out the “Worthy Work” below where I give you instructions straight from Clarissa so you can do your own personal ‘descansos’.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

I’m sure you’ve heard of the powerful statement that Dr. Phil has used which is: “You teach people how to treat you.” Very true statement for sure.

There is another variation to this statement that could read: “Others teach you how to treat you.” In other words, you learn your sense of self-worth early-on based on how you were treated.

If you were nurtured, loved and paid attention to – you most likely have an easy time continuing
these habits for yourself.

If you weren’t nurtured and cared for the way you deserved to be, and you experienced abandonment, neglect, and emotional abuse – then you most likely have a hard time with feeling worthy of self-care. And, you most likely have an easier time forgetting about yourself and focusing on others needs before your own

Feeling worthy of your own time and attention is a skill that most of us need to learn to
incorporate into our everyday lives. Society teaches us that we must do good, give to others, and
be good people. All true statements.

Yet, you truly can’t give what you don’t already have (a.k.a. energy, feeling of fullness and
love, etc.) – when you’re running on an empty tank. We all know how it feels to do for others, but
when you’re doing so out of a sense of guilt and/or obligation, it doesn’t feel so good.

Take for example a client whom the other day had a realization about her own lack of self-care.
She said she knew exactly what she loved to do and wanted to do – but she just didn’t take the time
for herself and couldn’t understand why.

After some deeper digging, we discovered that she had a core belief that stated: “Nobody ever
cared when we were younger, so why should you care now?”

She also realized that she took on her parent’s values of work
first before anything else and believed that she couldn’t put her own needs first – otherwise
she wouldn’t survive!

Wow, powerful how those core false beliefs can run your life for decades huh?

This client realized that because she didn’t receive the time and attention she deserved to
receive as a kid, that she believed she wasn’t worthy of her own self-care.

And the beautiful thing is – once she became aware of this core false belief that was running her
life, she now can change it and see that it’s not true.

She now feels in her bones that she is worthy of giving herself time and attention – and she
doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do so. The only permission she needs is from herself – and she
must make the commitment to put herself first. Not easy but totally doable and necessary to living
a great life and making a significant contribution

If you realize that you’re not giving yourself the time and attention that you know you deserve –
and know that if you did – your life would look and feel better – check-out the Worthy Work below
for some tips on how-to carve out time for you and
Raise Your Worthy Standards and attract in more of what you’re truly worthy of in your life.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

I find that in almost every case with clients who have this fear/block of losing love, that it stems from learning (very early-on), that in order to receive “love”, to fit-in and belong, and to connect – even on a surface level – that you must put others needs before your own, bolster other people up, stroke their egos, and focus on them first before all else – otherwise, you’ll lose love.

Yikes. Not fun to hear – but often this is the “reality” for many who feel stuck between wanting to expand, create, grow, and continually
Self Discover– but fearing that if you do – you’ll lose love, connection and belonging – which by the way – is one of Maslow’s basic needs – so no wonder it’s a scary proposition!

And, being a service-oriented, giving individual whose nature it is to give – you no doubt have a tough time with saying no, putting your needs first, and standing up for what you believe in. Yet, as Cheryl Richardson – the epitome of living a life steeped in tremendous service – reminds us (and I paraphrase) – if you want to help create a meaningful life for others, you need to create a meaningful life for yourself first.

If you know you’re at a crossroads and are ready to make some changes and embrace the
Real You – and know that in order to do so, you need to make some different choices around knowing and claiming your own value and worth, then check-out the Worthy Work below where I give you some simple things to contemplate to help you see yourself and your innate worth from a new perspective.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Recently I read a passage by the author Pamela Field in her book: A Woman Who Dreams Herself that: “We have two lives that run parallel with each other: the life we’ve inherited, and the life our Higher Self (a.k.a. our soul) has planned for us. And, at any moment, we can decide to change tracks.”

Have you ever thought of it that way? That there is the life that was passed onto you without any conscious choice – and then there is the life that is imbedded deep within your soul – like a blueprint – that has the plans on where YOU are meant to go and what you’re meant to do.

As I mentioned in the previous article: Carried Shame and Worthiness, oftentimes we don’t realize that if you’re stuck, or feeling a certain way about yourself, or doubting your abilities, etc. – it’s oftentimes a result of you holding onto someone else’s “stuff” and you holding onto shame that wasn’t yours to begin with.

I see this so often in the work that I do – where folks describe to me symptoms of feeling off-track, that something is missing, that they know there is something more for them to do and express – yet they face a hold-back that they can’t put their finger on.

The hold-back that most of us feel from time-to-time is either
lack of clarity on what steps to be taking next, or seeing what it is that you yearn to do, but
fearing and doubting that you have the capability to actually do it!

Yet, the truth is: there is a blueprint within your soul that has all the instructions, plans, insight, confidence and courage that you need to move forward and live the life that you were designed to live.

And, the key to living the life you were designed to live is learning to go about receiving answers and insight on which direction to head from the inside. This approach may seem counter intuitive to how most of us were taught on how-to gain clarity or advice – but it’s truly the only way to live authentically and to live in integrity with your own soul’s path.

If you’re ready to start journeying within and gaining some more clarity on where your soul yearns for to go – and who you’re destined to become – check-out the Worthy Work below for some guidance on how-to get started.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Yet, most of us were taught to cover-up the core of who we are in order
to be accepted by others in both our original family of origin, and our peer groups growing up.

Becoming who you were designed to be is a courageous act because it requires you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It requires you to understand that not everyone is going to approve of what you do and who you commit to becoming.

That’s okay, people pleasing is so out-dated.

The most important and courageous act in being your own person is: accepting and loving ALL parts of yourself first and foremost. The parts that you honor and cherish and the parts that you’d rather not look at for fear that they are unacceptable.

I believe we spend way too much time trying to be perfect than being who we’re meant to be.

Deep down there are core beliefs that if we aren’t acting in a certain way, then something must be wrong with us – we’re defective – or a “sinner”- and don’t deserve what we truly desire.

Yet, what’s really true about being your own person is to accept that whatever inclinations that you have – whatever personality quirks – or challenges that you deal with all the time – those are there to evolve you and help you grow.

Consider the truth that – you chose all the circumstances in your life – therefore nothing is “wrong” – it’s ALL Right – and alright. Imagine looking at your life that way – that every circumstance, person and event happened for the evolution of your soul because you needed it in order to evolve. Refreshing isn’t it?

In my work what I find to be folks biggest challenge when making the all important decision to claim their worth is: they think they need to become someone different in order to BE worthy. When, in actuality, what is required is a process of self-acceptance, trust and faith.

If you’re ready and committed to being your OWN person and claiming your own worth, check-out the Worthy Work below to discover how accepting all of you and learning to trust and have faith in life is the KEY to Re-Discovering the Real You.

To Your Worth!
Brenda

To Your Worth!
Brenda