Archive for the ‘Self Worth’ Category

How Fear Rules Your Life

Posted on Jan 9, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

What most of us need to realize is – we have a very intimate relationship with fear.  A relationship where fear is in control.  Fear is who you put first.  Fear overrides your own Truth.

Why?

Because fear is what we all know.  It’s what we’ve been taught to stay “safe”.  And, even though fear keeps you stuck in misery – it feels familiar – it feels like protection.  False protection, but protection none the less.

Someone said to me the other day, if you say – “I’ve always been afraid of x, y or z “- then what do you think you will manifest in the future?  If you say it’s always been this way (in the past) — aren’t you stating, it’s always going to be that way in the future?

Fear is so entrenched in all of us that most don’t realize that its not your Truth.  It’s not your destiny either, but again, it’s been the reality that you’ve *known*.

Fear tells you what you want will never happen.  It tells you that you aren’t worthy of what you truly want.  It convinces you that who you’ve known yourself to be in the past – is who you’ll always be.  Fear keeps you stuck and gripped in a place of non-action.  Or, it keeps you stuck in a place of constant action.  The energy of fear makes you feel worried, frenzied, and restless – as if something terrible is about to happen at any moment – the other shoe is going to drop, and you need to be ready.

Fear is the energy of non-peace.  And, becoming aware of the energy of fear – and how it’s been the primary driver of your life – is the first step.  The second step is to realize that there is another way to BE.

This other way to BE, is to learn the art of trust and surrender – and rather feeling like you always need to be in control and *know* what’s going to happen next,to rather allow things to unfold in the way in which they are meant -to vs. the way in which you *think* they should.

Easier said than done, I know.

To start this process and new way of being – allow yourself to surrender your mind’s version of how you *think* your life should look based on the expectations that you have.  Then, rather than feel like you need to know your next step – or what to do, etc. – give the reins over to the Universe for a change.  Allow yourself to be guided by Truth vs. the fear of something not happening.

The biggest realization I had going into this year is when my own coach said to me:  “You’re trying to create your life and it’s not yours to create.”  Whoa – that hit me between the eyes – because I know that is the Truth.

The Truth is:  your destiny isn’t something you can conjure up in your mind.  Your destiny is what your soul has already agreed to – and it’s pulling you towards it each day.  Your job is to listen, trust and be present in the moment in order to hear it’s guidance.  

But, if you allow fear to be in charge, then you’ll always be afraid of what you’ve always been afraid of – and then nothing can change.  In other words, as someone said to me, as long as your reality has to go off what fear says, fear will win.

A different reality is trying to choose you, your choice is, will you allow it or stop it?  One is letting your soul guide you and the other is letting fear be in charge.  Which will you choose?  Remember, choose yourself first and you’ll always make the best choice.  

Setting Worthy Goals

Posted on Jan 1, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” ~Victor Frankl

This quote above is very profound and one I suggest you may want to print-out and contemplate.

And what a perfect time to contemplate what success really means to you – as we are embarking on another new year – a year full of hope, anticipation, and excitement – and another year
and chance to ‘get it right’
.

Yet, trying to be successful, or trying to ‘get it right’, can not only cause loads of pressure, tension and stress – it can also feel really unfulfilling.

Think about it – how many times have you ‘gotten the goal’, achieved something that was important to you, and celebrated it – and then felt a deep pressure and a looming anxiety to figure-out what’s next and how you’ll top what you just did?

The habit of constant ‘bar-raising’ never feels fully fulfilling because it’s about achieving goals on the outside and constantly trying to get vs. learning how to give to life so you
can feel worthy of receiving.

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You, Your Life, Your Work in 2017

Posted on Dec 22, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

Well, here we are with 2017 upon us!

I hope you have time today to reflect on the past year and all the blessings in your life. And, of course, look forward to the new year and contemplate what means the most to you and what you desire to expand.

Today’s note is one I send each year whose intention is to give you a different way to look at your desires for the new year and to make sure that you include an all important piece that often gets forgotten when you read about shifts and changes for the new year – YOU!

If you desire to experience change and shifts “out there”, rather than work to maneuver and change the vision and image you see “out there”, work on shifting your inner vision. Utilize the outer reflections to give you indications on what needs to shift on the inside and then the outer takes care of itself. In other words, work on shifting your own vibe and you easily and effortlessly attract what you desire.

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Chasing Self Worth

Posted on Dec 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

We all have areas of life where our self-worth feels very high – areas where you don’t struggle, you manifest very easily and have the utmost confidence.  You most likely hardly think about this area of your life – because it doesn’t create a challenge for you – you own your worthiness – it flows easily and effortlessly.

Then, another area of your life feels the exact opposite.  Your self-worth feels fleeting – as if you can’t grasp it no matter how hard you try.  You feel undeserving, unworthy – and can’t put your finger on why.  You feel unable to manifest or make something happen – even though you try to change it, heal it or fix what you perceive to be wrong with you or the situation.   You feel stuck and can’t find a way out.

Imagine the area where your self-worth feels high is like a free-flowing river – it flows.  And the area where your self-worth feels low is like a mouse in a maze – lots of obstacles and you can’t seem to find a way out – or a way to get to the cheese!

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Break Free of Inherited Self Worth Patterns

Posted on Dec 11, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the holidays approach, there is no doubt you’re making plans to be with family. Perhaps you’re excited and perhaps you are not.

This article is written for those of you who are perhaps dreading being around family energy that may make you feel uncomfortable and bring up old patterns and feelings – that you’d rather not feel.

My advice is to treat the holiday season as a great time to put old wounds into healing – and to become aware of thought patterns that may still be haunting you and holding you back to this day.

Those of you who are committed to the work of self awareness and becoming your True Self, know that we all inherited legacies of self worth patterns that aren’t even our own, but we unconsciously decided to own.

Take for example, a client of mine (who I have permission to share her story without revealing her name) who recently was around a close family member who she has struggled having any kind of relationship with.

As we talked through the feelings that arise within her when she’s around this family member, I suggested she stay awake and aware and nonjudgmental when she observes not only the behavior from the family member, but the behavior that goes on within herself.

What has to be realized is – any judgement, opinion, mean comment, etc. that was bestowed on you by another – was a moment in time that triggered you – and you took that judgement, opinion, or mean comment and told yourself something about it.  In other words, you took on the energy of that individual and told yourself that you’re not worthy, you’re bad, you’re stupid – whatever it was – and then your mind recycled that thought to continue to show up to prove you right time and time again.

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Create a Vision For Yourself

Posted on Nov 26, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.” ~Barbara Sher

I’ve been having many discussions with people as of late –where this is one common denominator: People are craving change and for some new life and energy to be infused back into their lives, work and relationships.

dreamcatcher

Can you relate with this feeling? As if you need a boost, a shot of inspiration, a new vision perhaps?

I find that many people resonate with the saying that Barbara Sher, inspirational author coined: “I know I could do anything if I only knew what “IT” was!”

Again, can you relate with this?

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See Life Differently

Posted on Nov 5, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ~Marcus Aurelius

You’ve heard the Emerson quote – “Wlook-at-things-differently-copyhat you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”? That who you’re being and what you’re doing is actually more telling than what you’re saying.

 

Well, the same is true with your overall “vibe” – that unconscious language that you give-off each day not only to others “out there” but also the Universe and your overall Source – saying, very loudly, without words – what you want, desire, and yearn to have show-up in your life.

Now, you might be thinking – there are plenty of circumstances and situations in my life now – and in the past – that I didn’t want to have happen, etc. And, traditional teachings about the Law of Attraction, etc. would tell you that you attracted them into your life.

That’s partly true.

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Feeling Trapped In A Past Pattern

Posted on Oct 16, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“You hold the key to set yourself free. Will you weild this magical power to unlock yourself from the past or keep yourself trapped in it?

birdoutsidecage

When you feel trapped in a past pattern where you know you want things to change, but you can’t seem to figure out how to bring about that change – you feel powerless and stuck.

What can make this feel even worse is, seeing everyone in the outside world going about their existence – and witnessing others experiencing what you want.

This is frustrating to say the least – and certainly disempowering as you begin to hear the negative thoughts creep in: How come they can and I can’t?

How can this be when you use the law of attraction in other areas of your life – and you witness what you think about coming about?

Yes, the law of attraction is exactly that – law. It works every time.

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How You Parent Yourself

Posted on Oct 2, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton
Have you ever given thought to how you parent yourself and what your own parent (whether they were physically in your life or not) demonstrated to you about your own sense of self worth?
Notice that I said “sense” of self worth because most of us don’t realize that the way we witness how others interact with us – especially when we’re young and super impressionable  – is how we form our sense of self worth and value in your world.

kidwithson

This doesn’t mean that others give you a sense of value or worth – it’s how you interpret their actions that you make your own assumptions and decisions.  Then, these assumptions get internalized and form beliefs about yourself that most likely still hold true for you today.  
They key thing to realize about parents is – whatever you witnessed not only with how they treated you – but how they treated themselves, got internalized to how you treat you.
This isn’t obvious because most of us make very clear decisions at some point in life to say – I will NEVER be like my mother or father – or both!  Then, you work really hard to become the opposite of them…and you most likely became successful at being the opposite.
Yet, have you ever found yourself saying something to someone else that sounds alot like one of your parents?

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What Is Self Respect?

Posted on Sep 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

The other day I realized that I repeated (yet again) a past pattern that has caused me enormous pain and confusion.   theadventurebegins

As I sat there feeling that all too familiar punch in the gut pain, I thought: “Geez, I must not have much self-respect to keep doing this to myself…”.

My head then began to take me on a rollercoaster ride of judgement – where I began to feel worse *thinking* thoughts such as:  “Other stronger, more worldly women would never continually subject themselves to this type of pain.  You must be weak  – and they simply have more self-respect for themselves.”

Ouch.

So, then as I habitually do, I went outside myself to get a better understanding of what the outside world could tell me about self-judgement.  

According to Dictionary.com, self-judgement is defined as:  “proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one’s character.”

Ouch again.

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