Archive for the ‘Self-Sabotage’ Category

Having Trust Issues?

Posted on Oct 23, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

Have you ever considered that Trust is an energy? When I heard someone say that my ears perked up. That is usually what happens when you hear the Truth, you pay attention.

And energy is always in motion – therefore what you trust to happen, happens. It’s Universal Law. This happens because you trust that it WILL. In other words, you WILL it to happen with your trust.

trust-child-picture

What about when you continually intend for something to change or manifest, and you keep getting the same result? Have you asked yourself, what you’re trusting in?

Consider this:

  • Do you trust in doubt more than you trust in what you want?
  • Do you trust that it won’t happen MORE than your trust that it will?
  • Do you trust that if something good happens something bad is right around the corner?

Like everything in your life, this boils down to the trust that you have with yourself. You trust yourself – even in the areas you don’t necessarily want to!

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Feeling Trapped In A Past Pattern

Posted on Oct 16, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“You hold the key to set yourself free. Will you weild this magical power to unlock yourself from the past or keep yourself trapped in it?

birdoutsidecage

When you feel trapped in a past pattern where you know you want things to change, but you can’t seem to figure out how to bring about that change – you feel powerless and stuck.

What can make this feel even worse is, seeing everyone in the outside world going about their existence – and witnessing others experiencing what you want.

This is frustrating to say the least – and certainly disempowering as you begin to hear the negative thoughts creep in: How come they can and I can’t?

How can this be when you use the law of attraction in other areas of your life – and you witness what you think about coming about?

Yes, the law of attraction is exactly that – law. It works every time.

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How You Parent Yourself

Posted on Oct 2, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton
Have you ever given thought to how you parent yourself and what your own parent (whether they were physically in your life or not) demonstrated to you about your own sense of self worth?
Notice that I said “sense” of self worth because most of us don’t realize that the way we witness how others interact with us – especially when we’re young and super impressionable  – is how we form our sense of self worth and value in your world.

kidwithson

This doesn’t mean that others give you a sense of value or worth – it’s how you interpret their actions that you make your own assumptions and decisions.  Then, these assumptions get internalized and form beliefs about yourself that most likely still hold true for you today.  
They key thing to realize about parents is – whatever you witnessed not only with how they treated you – but how they treated themselves, got internalized to how you treat you.
This isn’t obvious because most of us make very clear decisions at some point in life to say – I will NEVER be like my mother or father – or both!  Then, you work really hard to become the opposite of them…and you most likely became successful at being the opposite.
Yet, have you ever found yourself saying something to someone else that sounds alot like one of your parents?

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What Is Self Respect?

Posted on Sep 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

The other day I realized that I repeated (yet again) a past pattern that has caused me enormous pain and confusion.   theadventurebegins

As I sat there feeling that all too familiar punch in the gut pain, I thought: “Geez, I must not have much self-respect to keep doing this to myself…”.

My head then began to take me on a rollercoaster ride of judgement – where I began to feel worse *thinking* thoughts such as:  “Other stronger, more worldly women would never continually subject themselves to this type of pain.  You must be weak  – and they simply have more self-respect for themselves.”

Ouch.

So, then as I habitually do, I went outside myself to get a better understanding of what the outside world could tell me about self-judgement.  

According to Dictionary.com, self-judgement is defined as:  “proper esteem or regard for the dignity of one’s character.”

Ouch again.

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Self Worth vs. Self Esteem

Posted on Aug 1, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you allow yourself to let-go, success can flow!” 

Do you ever wonder what the difference is between your self-esteem and your self-worth?

Meditating with Rudraksha beads

The two are very closely aligned – like brother and sister are in the bloodline.

Yet, there is also a major distinction to be made between the two – and I’ve discovered this through loads of contemplation and study – and direct experience. So, as a disclaimer, whatever I describe below is based on my own experience and beliefs – and certainly isn’t the only way in which to view the distinction.

Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on your actions. It’s what you have control over. It’s how you feel about yourself from the inside/out. Overall, are you proud of yourself for who you are, what you stand for and what actions you take and don’t take based on the values that you choose to orient your life around?

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Your self-worth, has a much more spiritual bend to it (again, my opinion) because it’s directly related to your identity, your sense of self, your overall feeling of importance and value in this world. Overall, do you feel that you deserve to be here on the earth plane and have the right to take up space – and to be happy within that space you call your life?

The major difference is: Self-esteem is geared towards doing vs. Self-worth is more about being. Both have a tremendous amount of value – and serve very different purposes in your life. They both also work beautifully together when married in their natural energies.

The Truth is: most of the teachings ‘out there’ focus on boosting your self-esteem.

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Conflicting Committments

Posted on Jan 11, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“The biggest commitment you must keep is the commitment you keep to yourself.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

Our heart’s desires are the things that we’re too ewomanonbeachflowerheadbandmbarrassed or afraid to tell anyone about – so it’s no wonder we worry about that question of Who Do You Think You Are? It’s a question that has a dual connotation – because:
1) we hear it internally from that inner critical voice and

2) we fear hearing it from other people, especially people who are closest to us – and who we fear losing or making feel uncomfortable if we change and transform into a better version of ourSelves.

I read recently that one of the top 6 fears that people have against succeeding in their lives/work is the fear they have of losing love.

How true that fear is – because most of the time we don’t realize that we’re not stepping out because we don’t to make others feel uncomfortable around us.

Maybe it’s our parents who we don’t want to out-succeed. Or maybe it’s an older sibling, or maybe it’s even our spouse – who, for whatever reason, hasn’t claimed their success.

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Giving Your Worth Away

Posted on Nov 16, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

A photo by Alexander Shustov. unsplash.com/photos/2FrX56QL7P8“Giving your self worth away is like sliding all your power across a table and asking someone else – am I good enough?”

If you really think about it – we’ve all been taught to give our power away and rely on feeling good about ourselves from what others think. As kids we do this with the authority figures in our lives – looking up at them – smaller and shorter – and thinking: Am I enough?

This habit gets transferred to our adult lives in many ways also – not only when it comes to our personal worth – how we feel about ourselves, our capabilities, talents, what we have, don’t have, etc. – but also our spiritual worth – our relationship with Source – our creator.

I had honestly never made the distinction, until recently, between personal worth and spiritual worth – but the distinction does help – especially when you’re a spiritual seeker and in need of deeper answers to where your life is not only going, but what it’s all for.

And, what I find happening with so many, especially in this “New Age” – is carrying the habit of handing power over to others – others who claim to have your answers – others who claim to know where your life is going – and what your destiny is.

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Are You Working Too Hard On Yourself?

Posted on Nov 9, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

gypsywoman“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.” ~Joseph Campbell

While working with my own coach, we were chatting about an area that I feel blocked in.

As any great coach does, many questions later, he called me on my stuff.

“Did you notice what you just said?”

“Ummm, no what?” I replied.

“When I asked you what it is that you truly want to transform in this area – you went right to yourself and said – I’m working on it.”

He went on to say: “Why are you treating yourself as if you’re a project? What if there is absolutely nothing that you need to work on, improve, or do in order to BE who you really are?

I sat there in silence thinking – I’ve probably said the same exact thing to my own coaching clients – but in that moment, it was the loudest Truth I had ever heard.

I’m sharing this example of my own coaching because I think in the New Age era where there are literal Self Help sections in the bookstore – we all need to question – what are we trying to help within ourselves vs. become within ourselves?

In that moment with my coach, I realized a lifetime pattern of treating myself, my life, and whatever was blocking me at that time – as a project – as something that has a start, finish and an end.

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When Your Self Worth Feels Fleeting

Posted on Jul 20, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. ~Steve Jobs

The other day while googling around, I discovered an empowering and inspirational speech in the unlikeliest (or so I thought) of places and with the unlikeliest (again wrong again) of people – Amy Schumer.  

You most likely know about Amy – she’s comedy’s “it” girl right now.  She has a new movie out called Train Wreck and is seriously one of the funniest (and raunchiest) comedians I’ve ever seen.

 

Yet, as you’ll see in this speech that she gave at the Gloria Awards and Gala – which was hosted by the Ms. Foundation for Women – this woman has lots to say – and, in my opinion, is a true role model for Claiming Your Worth.  

Click Here to read a transcript of the speech. It’s long but so worth the read. Also, *WARNING* if you’re easily offended by some sexual content – and want to skip the back story, simply read my notes below – not as contextual but think you’ll still get lots out of it.  

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Shifting Invisible Patterns

Posted on May 4, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

“If I could change one thing for women, it would be helping them to believe they have the inner strength they need to make their lives better.” -Alice Domar, Ph. D.

In the world of self improvement, achieving goals and pursuing your dreams – you’ve most likely bumped up against patterns that you see transpire over and over again in your life.

Maybe you see in a pattern in your romantic relationships – where no matter who you’re dating, the same issues and patterns show up. Same person just a different pair of pants.

Or, maybe you see it in your work – you may go into a different job, or a different position – and find yourself feeling frustrated and undervalued. You feel like you just took a different seat on the titanic.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can actually realize and see a pattern because then, once you’re aware, you can change it and begin making different choices – more empowering choices.

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