“You’ve been given the perfect life to teach what you most need to learn. The greatest teachers are given the greatest challenges. Accept that your life will never be perfect but the circumstances are perfect for you to continually evolve yourself while you continually help to evolve others. ~Me :)

As I discussed in last week’s Note Worthy, the recent Creative Life/Business Retreat that I taught was transformative, not only for the women attending, but for me as well.

I explained to the gals in attendance that I’ve been facing my own resistance around certain areas of life- especially when it comes to the work that I do.

I’ve known for quite some time that a deeper level of sharing is required to help teach these concepts and help others know they aren’t alone on the journey of claiming your worth in all areas of your life.

And, as it has always been so in my case, my life has been perfectly designed to continually learn and challenge myself within the area of self-worth – and – as I’m learning first-hand, the “Worth Work” never ends.

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I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

I’m sure you’ve heard of the powerful statement that Dr. Phil has used which is: “You teach people how to treat you.” Very true statement for sure.

There is another variation to this statement that could read: “Others teach you how to treat you.” In other words, you learn your sense of self-worth early-on based on how you were treated.

If you were nurtured, loved and paid attention to – you most likely have an easy time continuing
these habits for yourself.

If you weren’t nurtured and cared for the way you deserved to be, and you experienced abandonment, neglect, and emotional abuse – then you most likely have a hard time with feeling worthy of self-care. And, you most likely have an easier time forgetting about yourself and focusing on others needs before your own

Feeling worthy of your own time and attention is a skill that most of us need to learn to
incorporate into our everyday lives. Society teaches us that we must do good, give to others, and
be good people. All true statements.

Yet, you truly can’t give what you don’t already have (a.k.a. energy, feeling of fullness and
love, etc.) – when you’re running on an empty tank. We all know how it feels to do for others, but
when you’re doing so out of a sense of guilt and/or obligation, it doesn’t feel so good.

Take for example a client whom the other day had a realization about her own lack of self-care.
She said she knew exactly what she loved to do and wanted to do – but she just didn’t take the time
for herself and couldn’t understand why.

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“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” ~Marianne Williamson

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

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“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.” ~Johann von Goethe

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Yet, most of us were taught to cover-up the core of who we are in order
to be accepted by others in both our original family of origin, and our peer groups growing up.

Becoming who you were designed to be is a courageous act because it requires you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It requires you to understand that not everyone is going to approve of what you do and who you commit to becoming.

That’s okay, people pleasing is so out-dated.

The most important and courageous act in being your own person is: accepting and loving ALL parts of yourself first and foremost. The parts that you honor and cherish and the parts that you’d rather not look at for fear that they are unacceptable.

I believe we spend way too much time trying to be perfect than being who we’re meant to be.

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“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” ~Ram Dass

In my work with people, the best way I can describe them hovering over a worth issue is when they know what it is that they truly desire and want – yet they struggle with a hold-back – a block of not being able to experience it – and they have no idea why.

The best analogy I heard for this was described by Debbie Ford in one of her books where she said (which I’ll paraphrase): The feeling is like being stuck in a glass capsule. On the outside you can see what it is that you desire. You are close enough to almost touch and taste it – but you’re just far enough away to fully grab on and claim it as yours.

Can you relate with this glass capsule feeling in your own life? Where you desire something to change whether it’s in your work, your relationship(s) or in how you live – but you know you’re hovering over a worth issue, and aren’t really sure what to do with it?

If you can relate, something to consider when it comes to your worthiness challenges is the concept of carried shame.

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“Dwell in possibility” ~Emily Dickinson

When you make the all important decision to live the life you’re destined to live, you will go through a myriad of emotions. One biggie of an emotion is the “should-a, could-a, would-a” effect – where you feel “if only” I had done this – or “if only” they had done that – or “if only” it could of worked out this way.

Having regrets about your past and/or present circumstances, not only hold you back from manifesting your highest vision, but regrets also drain your energy and keep you steeped in old self-defeating programming and patterns.

To regret is to feel a sense of loss, disappointment, and an overall dissatisfaction with a decision or circumstance in your life. These feelings, if you explore them, most likely are repeats of the past and reminders of false beliefs that you aren’t worthy, that you can’t have what you want, and that your dreams will never manifest.

Sound familiar?

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“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” ~Author Unknown

Each day the past tries to creep into all of our minds and remind us of all the reasons why we can’t have what we truly desire or why we can’t be truly happy.

This can show up when you go to dream about a new adventure or endeavor and begin to consider the possibility of it actually happening. And before you know it, your inner critic is right there to remind you of all the reasons why it won’t work.

I remember a time in my life where I didn’t know the difference from my inner critic voice and the voice of my soul. I remember having dreams and things I wished to do, but having this voice inside tell me it will never happen so don’t bother trying.

It wasn’t until I worked with a coach who understood the critical importance of the “inner work”, that I began to compartmentalize my inner critic voice and realize that it wasn’t all of me, it was a part of me, but not all of me.

This revelation of compartmentalizing my inner critic voice from the voice of my heart was huge because I learned how-to deal with it when it cropped up.

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“Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.” ~Robert Henri

It’s inevitable, when you set a strong intention to change your life for the better, all sorts of emotions crop-up that you didn’t expect.

Learning to honor those emotions – all of them – is the KEY to transformation.

Often we don’t realize that our daily lives are playing out patterns from the past – and unconsciously we are each trying to heal old wounds by trying to “do it better” this time around.

And always, when you set a strong intention to experience something new, something better, something different than what you’re used to – painful and very uncomfortable emotions will crop-up.

Again, unconsciously we are more comfortable with the familiar – what we know – what’s predictable.

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As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson

Seth Godin’s daily blog is one of the few emails I’ve kept subscribed to throughout the years because his content is always pertinent to our times and extremely valuable.

In a post from last week, Seth struck a chord with the statement: “You don’t need a new plan for next year. You need a commitment.”

How true. Before you make a plan, make sure that you’re committed to what you plan to do.

And then, make sure that you’re just as committed to changing course and being flexible to where the path takes you vs. feeling as if you need to control each step because it’s part of your
“plan”.

We all know at a certain level that planning has value – but knowing exactly how things will un-fold is impossible.

More importantly, a plan is valuable only after you’ve committed to achieving the goal.

Therefore the question really is: How do you know what it is that you’re committed to? And how do you know if you’re really committed to the “right things”? The things that are aligned with your deepest values and who you really are and are meant to become?

The Truth is: our commitments show through our actions. We commit to our choices by what we do, not what we say. And even though you may say that you want something to happen, your
commitment will show through the actions you take or the actions that you don’t take.

It’s a simple concept to cognize, but not an easy concept to understand.

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“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

In last week’s article, I spoke about the deep desire and need all of us have for consistent GROWTH in life, work and relationships.

Steeped in the need for growth and feeling worthy of experiencing and having MORE in your life – comes a (almost always unconscious) ambivalence around wanting to grow but being afraid of it at the same time.

When I first started out on the self-discovery journey, and began to ‘wake-up’ from sleepwalking through my life, I was elated with all the growth I was experiencing! It was so beautiful to see things I hadn’t seen, and to discover new ways of looking at life.

But then, things got difficult. Real difficult.

As I began to go even deeper into the need/desire to grow – spiritually, professionally, and personally – I faced some major resistance. Looking back I can see that the resistance was fear – fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of losing people I loved, etc.

The core of all the fear was: the fear of loss.

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