Archive for the ‘Self Doubt & FEAR’ Category

Break Free of Inherited Self Worth Patterns

Posted on Dec 11, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the holidays approach, there is no doubt you’re making plans to be with family. Perhaps you’re excited and perhaps you are not.

This article is written for those of you who are perhaps dreading being around family energy that may make you feel uncomfortable and bring up old patterns and feelings – that you’d rather not feel.

My advice is to treat the holiday season as a great time to put old wounds into healing – and to become aware of thought patterns that may still be haunting you and holding you back to this day.

Those of you who are committed to the work of self awareness and becoming your True Self, know that we all inherited legacies of self worth patterns that aren’t even our own, but we unconsciously decided to own.

Take for example, a client of mine (who I have permission to share her story without revealing her name) who recently was around a close family member who she has struggled having any kind of relationship with.

As we talked through the feelings that arise within her when she’s around this family member, I suggested she stay awake and aware and nonjudgmental when she observes not only the behavior from the family member, but the behavior that goes on within herself.

What has to be realized is – any judgement, opinion, mean comment, etc. that was bestowed on you by another – was a moment in time that triggered you – and you took that judgement, opinion, or mean comment and told yourself something about it.  In other words, you took on the energy of that individual and told yourself that you’re not worthy, you’re bad, you’re stupid – whatever it was – and then your mind recycled that thought to continue to show up to prove you right time and time again.

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Healing America’s Shadow

Posted on Nov 13, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“Each aspect within us needs understanding and compassion. If we are unwilling to give it to ourselves how can we expect the world to give it to us?”  ~Debbie Ford

This last week’s events with the presidential election have left so many of us, including me, in a state of bewilderment and sadness.

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And, rather than discuss the election’s outcome and how wrong it feels, I’d prefer to speak to the deeper meaning that I believe this whole ordeal is teaching us.

First and foremost, nothing can be truly healed unless you are aware of it.  Therefore, what if, having to look at one of the biggest darkest shadows we’ve ever seen in Donald Trump is certainly causing us all to have to look at not only him, but deep within ourselves and ask, what within me and our society as a whole must now go into healing?

See, the Truth is, you can’t recognize, judge or attract anything that isn’t within you.

Therefore, it’s time to ask the really hard questions of ourselves, the questions that most likely make you squirm, but still must be asked.  Here are a few to get us started:

  • How have we, as a collective unconscious attracted this experience of electing a commander in chief such as this – into the spotlight for all of us to see this darkness?
  • How do we now have the opportunity to shed LIGHT on the biggest shadow there is – a personality put into power who has expressed deep hate and disrespect  – especially for women and minorities?
  • Where does this personality we all see in the public eye reflect areas within ourselves that need to go into healing?  Because in Truth, if I judge outside of me, there must be an aspect within me that I judge first.

Trust me, it took me some time to get the point where I could even contemplate “what if” questions and see this from a higher perspective.

On the day after the election, I felt vulnerable being a woman.   Honestly, being a woman born in the USA, and having a mother who owned her own business, I never witnessed a true glass ceiling.

Yet, walking around on Wednesday, I felt exposed, vulnerable and less than – and knew that women across the country and world all felt like we lost something BIG.

Yet, in the same moment, I knew something BIGGER was being birthed for women especially.  I knew there was a higher call for all of us, especially the young women Hillary Clinton spoke to her in speech.

Here are some more questions to contemplate:

  • What if Hillary Clinton was the catalyst for all of us women to know how deeply we want to claim our own power and worth?
  • What if all of us women, especially the younger generation, who came into a world where so many women blazed a trail for us, needed to see there is still so much more do and BE – and we can never ever take our freedom and empowerment for granted?
  • What if all the women coming together in the “secret groups” as Hillary mentioned in her speech, are meant to come out behind the scenes and risk having our voices and Truths heard – and we needed this upset to push us over the edge?

I know this election stirred something deep within me when I woke up the next day feeling the same way I did on 9/11.  I had the same deep sadness and prayed it was all just a bad dream.

Yet, just as we thought we could never get through 9/11 and the aftermath, we did.  Just like we saw the worst in the world that day, we also saw the best of it in people.  Just like we thought the world was taking a turn for the worst, it truly was humanity’s biggest wake-up call.  And, so many people, including myself, heard the call, and decided to answer.  

I believe this election will have the same effect.  Faith. Hope. Love.  Same values we needed on  9/11 – and are the same pillars of strength we need moving forward.

God Bless the United States of America.

Together We Will Rise.

Having Trust Issues?

Posted on Oct 23, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

Have you ever considered that Trust is an energy? When I heard someone say that my ears perked up. That is usually what happens when you hear the Truth, you pay attention.

And energy is always in motion – therefore what you trust to happen, happens. It’s Universal Law. This happens because you trust that it WILL. In other words, you WILL it to happen with your trust.

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What about when you continually intend for something to change or manifest, and you keep getting the same result? Have you asked yourself, what you’re trusting in?

Consider this:

  • Do you trust in doubt more than you trust in what you want?
  • Do you trust that it won’t happen MORE than your trust that it will?
  • Do you trust that if something good happens something bad is right around the corner?

Like everything in your life, this boils down to the trust that you have with yourself. You trust yourself – even in the areas you don’t necessarily want to!

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Feeling Trapped In A Past Pattern

Posted on Oct 16, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“You hold the key to set yourself free. Will you weild this magical power to unlock yourself from the past or keep yourself trapped in it?

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When you feel trapped in a past pattern where you know you want things to change, but you can’t seem to figure out how to bring about that change – you feel powerless and stuck.

What can make this feel even worse is, seeing everyone in the outside world going about their existence – and witnessing others experiencing what you want.

This is frustrating to say the least – and certainly disempowering as you begin to hear the negative thoughts creep in: How come they can and I can’t?

How can this be when you use the law of attraction in other areas of your life – and you witness what you think about coming about?

Yes, the law of attraction is exactly that – law. It works every time.

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Living In The Present

Posted on Sep 11, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton
Last week I watched a great movie that i highly recommend: Way of the Peaceful Warrior.
It’s based on the author, Dan Millman’s true story about running into a spiritual teacher who would teach him Truth and philosophies that would change his life forever.
 
The movie (there is a book as well) is so good at demonstrating how we all get stuck in thought patterns that keep us stuck in either the past or the future – and how most of us don’t value the NOW.
 Meditating
We all hear this message “out there” in various forms and messages.  Be Present.  Stay in the moment.  All we have is NOW.  The present is a present.
 
True, but how do you apply these concepts to your life?  How do you realize what being in the NOW actually gives to your life right now?

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What is the opposite of confidence?

Posted on Aug 21, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“Trust in yourself and your own knowing is the definition of confidence.” 

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Have you ever learned to really TRUST yourself?

When I say trust, I mean deep within, without anyone else’s input – true trust in yourself and what you want to do vs. what everyone else thinks you should do

You may answer this quickly by stating – yes absolutely!  I do what I want.

Yet I bet, if you were assigned someone to follow you around for an entire week and have them observe how many times you sought the opinions of others – or asked others – what do you think I should do? – you ‘d be astonished!

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We all would be astonished how many times we look to the outside world for an inside answer.  You can read how I’ve done it myself here

I’m not saying the advice and opinions of others aren’t valid – they absolutely are.   Yet, my suggestion would be to ask the opinions and advice of others who will guide you to the answers within yourself vs. telling you what they think you should do.

This isn’t an easy thing to do – give up giving up your power – but it’s an incredibly brave and powerful thing to do when you connect with your own Truth and Knowing – and then, have the courage to act upon it.

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You aren’t who you think you are.

Posted on Aug 14, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton


“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am ” ~Thomas Cooley

When you commit to deep work within yourself – and are courageous enough to go deep – you discover the Truth about yourself and who you really are.littlegirlpink

What I mean by this is – there is a you that you formed long ago – a you that you *thought* would be acceptable to those around you – those that you wanted approval and acceptance from.

A you that wouldn’t ruffle feathers. A you who wouldn’t shine too bright and certainly wouldn’t outshine others.

No, your main M/O was to become who you *thought* others wan
ted you to BE.

At the time, you probably *thought*, “I’ll only need to wear this mask for a little while – just to get through this experience”. But then, unconsciously, you forgot that you put the mask on – and in turn, thought you were who you *thought* you were.

What I mean by *thought* you were/are is – our heads think up all sorts of things to make sense of what is happening. You may have heard the term; we’re meaning making machines. Yes, very true.

So, if you consider that who you *thought* you were/are isn’t who you really are, then who are you and who are you hiding from the world and most importantly, yourself?

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Looking for your worth in all the wrong places…

Posted on Aug 7, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“Sometimes I think I feel unworthy.” A good friend of mine said the other day.

“Oh I can relasparklerphotote to that!” I replied.

“Doesn’t it suck?” He said.

I laughed and thought – he couldn’t have chosen better words to describe what feeling unworthy feels like.  It sucks!

That’s why most of us try our best to cover up that sucky feeling and chase something outside of us which we hope will fulfill the void and heal the “worth wound”.

Searching, seeking, looking outside of yourself for the next “thing”. Or maybe the next relationship or exciting experience will give you the feeling you seek.
The Truth is – seeking outside solutions fo an inside knowing will always turn up empty.

Yet, what you need to know is – you aren’t empty. There is a fullness and a uniqueness so deep within you – that if you’d turn within, you’d be discovering all the amazing aspects to you for the rest of your life – for eons really.

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However, society doesn’t teach us this. We’re taught – worthiness is about appearances. Look the part. Act the part. Possess the things that will support the part. And you’re golden.

Prove, convince, influence, impress – this is the name of society’s worth game.

But, the Truth is – worthiness doesn’t have a barometer attached to it. It doesn’t have a pot of gold at the end of the long life rainbow where finally, after enough paying your dues, then you will finally feel it.

Most importantly, Worth isn’t fleeting. It never leaves you. It IS you. Period.

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Are you thinking negative or unworthy thoughts?

Posted on Jul 31, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“The outer world doesn’t determine or define your worth – you do.”

MeditatingNegative thinking is something that I believe you can identify easier than unworthy thinking.

I believe you can talk yourself out of a bad mood – it takes effort but you can do it.

Trying to talk yourself out of unworthiness? Well, that requires experience – a direct experience and shift in your soul.

Negative thinking looks and sounds like: Ugh, really? Traffic again? Why does this always happen to me when I have somewhere to be? Why do I always attract this into my life? Why can’t I catch a break?

Unworthy thinking is more unconscious. In a moment where something on the outside triggers you, you begin to feel that same way again – this experience sparked something deep down inside you – and you begin to FEEL and then THINK those same old feelings of: I can’t change this. This is the way its always going to be. This is who I am. This is my lot in life. I am disempowered, alone, powerless to change, hopeless.

The key distinction here is: Negative thinking is circumstantial. Unworthy thinking is historical.

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When Life Gets In The Way Of Your Plans

Posted on Jan 25, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

”A year from now you may wish you had started today.” – Karen Lamb

Having a million things on your plate is something I most definitely understand.

Yet, at the same time, there are practical strategies that allow you to gain more control over the things you can control – such as removing obligations and commitments that don’t align with your values – off your plate of life’s to do’s.

rest in autotravel - female legs in shales in the car

In my opinion, that’s the “easy” stuff to remove. Not easy from the standpoint that it’s necessarily “easy” to do or implement – and have those difficult conversations with folks you need to disappoint, but “easy” in the sense that it’s totally doable – and there are practical ways to get you more time in your life to focus on what matters to you most right now.

But, what do you do when life throws you things that are completely out of your control? What do you do when there are absolutes in your life that you must deal with – and they aren’t a choice of obligation or do I want to, but I have to do this, this is a MUST do?

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