Archive for the ‘Self Care’ Category

You Deserve More Than Average

Posted on Nov 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

““When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance.” ~~ Joel Osteen” ~Joel Osteen

The other day a very good friend and I were having a conversation about learning to receive MORE than you need. My friend was explaining that she’s been reading a new book, Break Out, by Joel Osteen.

My friend described how Joel speaks about the fact that what we ask for we receive. If we ask with a cup we’ll receive a cup’s worth. If we ask with a barrel we’ll receive a barrel’s worth.

This discussion got me thinking about it is true that most of us, not even knowing why, limit what we feel we deserve or can have.

Oftentimes, this is due to what I see as having a mindset that if you have “enough”, you never need “more than enough”.

Think about it, how comfortable would you be if you had much more than what you needed? Initially you may think to yourself, “That would be great to live in a state of abundance!”

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Your Spiritual Worth

Posted on Jul 1, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Giving your power away is like sliding your self-worth across a table and asking someone else – am I good enough?”

If you really think about it – we’ve all been taught to give our power away and rely on feeling good about ourselves from what others think. As kids we do this with the authority figures in our lives – looking up at them – smaller and shorter – and thinking: Am I enough?

This habit gets transferred to our adult lives in many ways also – not only when it comes to our personal worth – how we feel about ourselves, our capabilities, talents, what we have, don’t have, etc. – but also our spiritual worth – our relationship with Source – our creator.

I had honestly never made the distinction, until recently, between personal worth and spiritual worth – but the distinction does help – especially when you’re a spiritual seeker and in need of deeper answers to where your life is not only going, but what it’s all for.

And, what I find happening with so many, especially in this “New Age” – is carrying the habit of handing power over to others – others who claim to have your answers – others who claim to know where your life is going – and what your destiny is.

Trust me, I’ve gone to many a psychic looking for not only my answers and life path, asking them with the utmost sincerity – is it all going to work out? In other words, tell me, does God really have my back?

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Carried Shame

Posted on Jun 28, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” ~Ram Dass

In my work with people, the best way I can describe them hovering over a worth issue is when they know what it is that they truly desire and want – yet they struggle with a hold-back – a block of not being able to experience it – and they have no idea why.

The best analogy I heard for this was described by Debbie Ford in one of her books where she said (which I’ll paraphrase): The feeling is like being stuck in a glass capsule. On the outside you can see what it is that you desire. You are close enough to almost touch and taste it – but you’re just far enough away to fully grab on and claim it as yours.

Can you relate with this glass capsule feeling in your own life? Where you desire something to change whether it’s in your work, your relationship(s) or in how you live – but you know you’re hovering over a worth issue, and aren’t really sure what to do with it?

If you can relate, something to consider when it comes to your worthiness challenges is the concept of carried shame.

Carried shame is when you are holding onto to someone else’s stuff. It’s a feeling of overwhelming responsibility for something that you feel guilty of – but you aren’t sure what you did that was so wrong.

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Feeling Invisible

Posted on Jun 10, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Can you see me? Can you hear me? Does anything I say mean anything to you?”
― Oprah Winfrey

I remember one of the greatest Christmas gifts I ever received was from my sister when she bought me years back. Oprah’s 20th Anniversary DVD

What a gift it was to be able to watch episodes that Oprah and her team selected as the best and the most provocative and insightful. If you don’t have it, I highly recommend having a copy for your library – it’s a great resource to have on-hand.

There was one show in particular that stood out to me – actually it was more about what Oprah said about the show that mattered the most. She summed it up by saying in all her years of interviewing people – that what everyone wants to know is: Do You See Me?

That statement stuck with me up until this day because it’s so powerful and so true.

“Do you see me?” means so much more than in the literal sense of being seen. Sure you see folks wear bright colors or a sexy outfit, but this is a different kind of seeing – a seeing that goes beyond the surface and the exterior to – do you see me for who I really am – as a unique individual – okay just as I am – imperfections and all?

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Being Your Own Person

Posted on May 13, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.” ~Johann von Goethe”

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Yet, most of us were taught to cover-up the core of who we are in order
to be accepted by others in both our original family of origin, and our peer groups growing up.

Becoming who you were designed to be is a courageous act because it requires you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It requires you to understand that not everyone is going to approve of what you do and who you commit to becoming.

That’s okay, people pleasing is so out-dated.

The most important and courageous act in being your own person is: accepting and loving ALL parts of yourself first and foremost. The parts that you honor and cherish and the parts that you’d rather not look at for fear that they are unacceptable.

I believe we spend way too much time trying to be perfect than being who we’re meant to be.

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Protect Your Energy

Posted on May 6, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Never allow what another does steal your joy. You have power to react any way you choose. Be conscious of protecting your positive energy.”

When you are on the conscious path and taking responsibility for how you yearn to, and deserve to, live your life – you will not only battle with your own negative thoughts and inner critic, but you’ll also have to deal with the negative thoughts and inner critics of others.

If you’ve been on the self-development path for quite some time, no doubt you’ve read about, implemented and succeeded at the power of positive thinking. It’s true, what you think about you bring about.

Yet, as with everything, there are always deeper levels to go to with the learning.

As you continue to Claim Your Worth!®, you may notice that it feels like it will get harder before it gets easier. And much of this has to do with your dealings of others who aren’t on the same conscious path as you.

This is in no way to say anyone is “better” or “more evolved” than anyone else. Rather, it simply is the Truth that we all have different roles to play here on planet earth – and everyone is reading their own life script.

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Have More Confidence

Posted on Dec 3, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“We give our power away when we become concerned with other people’s opinions. To recapture this power, remember that this is your life. Take back your power.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

The above quote speaks to a term that I’m sure you’ve heard in your own travels about giving your power away. I’ve had clients ask me: what does that truly mean to give your power away? What is your power anyway?

Great question!

Your power is your sense of self. It’s your definition of who you think you are – who you know yourself to be. What you believe you’re capable of and what you believe you’re worthy of. Your power is your self-worth.

We’ve been taught to hand our sense of self over to the outside world. To believe that others opinions define us. Or, that material possessions or worldly success can give a sense of self – some validation that we’ve made it, that we’re whole, and that somehow, the outer world can fulfill us.

Relying on the outside world for any sense of self-worth is not only fleeting and totally temporary, but it’s also extremely risky and absolutely draining.

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Letting Go of Resentment

Posted on May 29, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“There is a time in our lives, usually at mid-life, when a woman has to make a decision- possibly the most important psychic decision of her future life – and that is, whether to be bitter or not. Women often come to this in their late thirties or early forties. They are at the point where they are full up to their ears with everything and they’ve “had it” and “the last straw has broken the camel’s back” and they’re “pissed off and pooped out.” Their dreams of their twenties may be lying in a crumple. They may be with broken hearts, broken marriages, broken promises.” ~Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ from Women Who Run With The Wolves

The statement above is from the fabulous book – Women Who Run With The Wolves – and is an acknowledgement for any woman who has ever felt like you’ve lost-out on life in some small or big way – or had too many paths that just didn’t turn-out the way you had planned or hoped for.

And the statement is a beautiful pre-cursor for an exercise the author encourages all women to do where she recommends constructing a personal ‘descansos’ – which is a symbol that marks a part of your life that was cut short. Typically a ‘descansos’ are known for being on the side of the road to mark the memory of a tragic accident and to honor a life that was cut short.

And in this case, I am introducing to the process of doing your own personal ‘descansos’ as a way for you to take inventory of any past hurts, ‘mistakes’, wrong turns, lost opportunities, broken hearts, and just plain disappointment that you’ve experienced on the road of life thus far.

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Feeling Deserving of Self-Care

Posted on May 22, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” ~Lucille Ball

I’m sure you’ve heard of the powerful statement that Dr. Phil has used which is: “You teach people how to treat you.” Very true statement for sure.

There is another variation to this statement that could read: “Others teach you how to treat you.” In other words, you learn your sense of self-worth early-on based on how you were treated.

If you were nurtured, loved and paid attention to – you most likely have an easy time continuing
these habits for yourself.

If you weren’t nurtured and cared for the way you deserved to be, and you experienced abandonment, neglect, and emotional abuse – then you most likely have a hard time with feeling worthy of self-care. And, you most likely have an easier time forgetting about yourself and focusing on others needs before your own

Feeling worthy of your own time and attention is a skill that most of us need to learn to
incorporate into our everyday lives. Society teaches us that we must do good, give to others, and
be good people. All true statements.

Yet, you truly can’t give what you don’t already have (a.k.a. energy, feeling of fullness and
love, etc.) – when you’re running on an empty tank. We all know how it feels to do for others, but
when you’re doing so out of a sense of guilt and/or obligation, it doesn’t feel so good.

Take for example a client whom the other day had a realization about her own lack of self-care.
She said she knew exactly what she loved to do and wanted to do – but she just didn’t take the time
for herself and couldn’t understand why.

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Feeling Less Than Others

Posted on May 8, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” ~Marianne Williamson

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

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