“Pain is not wrong. Reacting to pain as wrong initiates the trance of unworthiness. The moment we believe something is wrong, our world shrinks and we lose ourselves in the effort to combat the pain.” ~Tara Brach

I remember years back, when I had about a year of coaching under my belt, I hired a photographer to take some pictures of me for the new website I was creating.

This photographer was referred to me by a friend, and I had known that she had recently gotten married and was going through some major transitions in her life.

For the photo shoot, she and I decided to meet in the woods near my home – where we thought we could get some nice shots outside.

During the shoot, we chatted about a variety of things and our conversation eventually landed on the topic of her recent marriage. We discussed the changes she was undergoing in her life and she explained that not only did she just marry the love of her life, but she had lost over 100 lbs!

Needless to say this gal was claiming her worth in a variety of ways in her life!

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“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.” ~Johann von Goethe

In order to live the life you were designed to live , it’s critical to understand yourself at the deepest level.

Yet, most of us were taught to cover-up the core of who we are in order
to be accepted by others in both our original family of origin, and our peer groups growing up.

Becoming who you were designed to be is a courageous act because it requires you to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. It requires you to understand that not everyone is going to approve of what you do and who you commit to becoming.

That’s okay, people pleasing is so out-dated.

The most important and courageous act in being your own person is: accepting and loving ALL parts of yourself first and foremost. The parts that you honor and cherish and the parts that you’d rather not look at for fear that they are unacceptable.

I believe we spend way too much time trying to be perfect than being who we’re meant to be.

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Last Wednesday morning, I hit the highway to drop off my laptop to get some repairs.  As I sat in the early morning traffic, my mind was flooded with memories from my former corporate days.

As I looked ahead of me at all the traffic, I remembered all the mornings, and evenings, I’d spent in sitting in my car- feeling like I wasting my life away.

I always remember looking around – trying to catch the eye of other people in their cars – wondering if they were thinking what I was:  “What are we all following each other to?  What are we chasing?”

When I was in corporate I always felt like an outcast. Come to think of it, my whole life I felt like an outcast – a black sheep – someone who always got into trouble for drawing outside the lines, not fitting into a mold, or box, wanting things to be different, and searching for an escape hatch – a place where I could find a blank canvas to draw-out that vision.

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“The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.” ~Leo Nikolaevich Tolstoy

The other morning, during a conversation with a friend, the topic of ambition and the continual chase for more had come up.

My friend was discussing the fact that the continual climb to be better, to achieve goals, and to continually raise the bar, wasn’t working anymore in terms of giving them that fulfilled feeling they normally had experienced.

The conversation reminded me of a Wayne Dyer movie I had watched a few years back:
The Shift. The movie is all about The Shift we all experience where we go from living a life that is all about ambition and succeeding to graduating into a more purposeful life.

In the movie, Wayne explains that The Shift is usually preceded from a “quantum moment” – a moment where we realize there is not only MORE to life – but more to us and what we’re here to contribute.

This is the type of Shift that I see everyday in my work with clients.

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“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” ~ Bill Cosby

If there is one thing that I’ve seen hold more folks back from actively pursuing their mission/purpose in life, it’s trying to please everyone.

As you can see from Bill Cosby’s quote above, it’s very true, the key to failure is trying to make everyone else happy, while you stay stuck and unhappy.

Now, I get loads of flack from people who think that focusing on themselves means they are selfish, self-absorbed and don’t care about others. Yet, I believe we all know, at a very deep level how un-true that is.

The Truth is – the people who are the most caring and who have the most to give to humanity, (especially in these turbulent times where the most caring and compassionate are most needed) are truly the people who need the 101 lesson in owning your own life first, before trying to serve others authentically.

Now, I’m sure you can relate with being part of the guilt, obligation and *should* club – where you feel that others expect certain things from you and expect you to ‘act’ in a certain way.

Whether this is in your personal life with family and friends, or your professional life with colleagues, your boss, and/or clients – others have a certain expectation for who they believe that you are – or who they think you should be.

The challenge and struggle with trying to live your life based on other’s expectations of you – and trying to please them is: you lose-out and they gain. You feel angry, resentful and sad because deep-down you know that you’re living your life to please others – and you’re living by rules you were taught from others (a.k.a. society) which are very simple and extremely limiting: avoid punishment, seek reward.

Yuck.

When you hear the call in your heart that there “must be something more”, or “there is definitely more to me that is aching to be expressed” – this is an authentic call for you to align yourself with your own values, your own voice, and the YOU that you were designed to BE.

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“Trust the instinct to the end, though you can render no reason” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The other day I couldn’t make up my mind.

I had decided to leave a meeting early, but then, I doubted my decision. You should have seen me in the parking lot as I got into my car, then doubted myself, headed back inside, doubted myself again, and got back in my car! Honestly it’s true. It must have been a funny sight to watch –if anyone was in fact – watching!

Yet, it was such a great example of what I feel so many do on a daily basis when it comes to making either simple or complex decisions – doubt yourself vs. trust yourself.

I’m sure you know what it feels like to regret a decision that you made. You most likely fretted over it for weeks, months, maybe even years. But, have you ever given your Self credit for the decisions that turned out great?

Most of us tend to forget to acknowledge when things go right and the decisions that we make actually turn out okay. It’s a rare thing if you find somebody acknowledging themselves for a great decision as many times as you’ll find somebody beating themselves up for one that goes awry.

When I made the decision to leave the meeting the other day I did so because it’s what my intuition told me to do. I simply went with the impulse. Then, when I got into my car, my head wreaked havoc on me – telling me I shouldn’t have left early. What if someone was looking for me after and I wasn’t there? What if someone found out that I left before the event was over? What if this, what if that.

Ugh. Self-doubt sucks!

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“Self-worth comes from one thing – thinking that you are worthy.”
~ Wayne Dyer

There is something that I would augment to Wayne Dyer’s statement above and that is –“Self-Worth comes from two things: knowing and believing that you’re worthy” – because we can try to convince ourselves all day long that we’re worthy, but if you don’t feel it in your gut and your heart, it’s really difficult to convince yourself of it.

So, what’s the secret, the magic pill to experiencing what Claim Your Worth!® really means and what it really feels like?

Well, the first step to the process is exactly what’s mentioned above which is raising your awareness of your worth so you can know and believe that you’re worthy. But the question remains for most, how much are you really worthy of? How much self-worth are you supposed to have?

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I remember reading somewhere a long time ago that a high quality of life has to do with what you take off your plate than what you add onto it. I agreed with the statement at the time I read it, and as I’ve gotten older, it’s become much more relevant to my own life and also the lives of the people I coach and teach.

Removing things off your plate both externally in your outer world, and internally in your inner world is truly the KEY to living authentically. We all know how awesome it feels to purge, clear out your closets and clear space on your calendar for new things to show up in your life. And how great it feels to begin to integrate and let go of limiting beliefs so you can begin to live the vision that is meant for you to live.

Yet, what most often happens is – the space that gets cleared off your plate, can cause all sorts of emotions and anxiety. And, the first inclination – without even being aware it’s happening – is to quickly and effectively get those empty spaces filled-up with more stuff. More to do’s, more have to’s, more places to be, more people to see.

Does this sound familiar?

If it does I understand. I’ve been a long-time member of the ‘heavy expectation’ club too. A club whose members feel if you’re not striving, chasing, and staying motivated and on-track towards something better, then something must be wrong.

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