Archive for the ‘Not Good Enough’ Category

When Your Self Worth Feels Fleeting

Posted on Jul 20, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. ~Steve Jobs

The other day while googling around, I discovered an empowering and inspirational speech in the unlikeliest (or so I thought) of places and with the unlikeliest (again wrong again) of people – Amy Schumer.  

You most likely know about Amy – she’s comedy’s “it” girl right now.  She has a new movie out called Train Wreck and is seriously one of the funniest (and raunchiest) comedians I’ve ever seen.

 

Yet, as you’ll see in this speech that she gave at the Gloria Awards and Gala – which was hosted by the Ms. Foundation for Women – this woman has lots to say – and, in my opinion, is a true role model for Claiming Your Worth.  

Click Here to read a transcript of the speech. It’s long but so worth the read. Also, *WARNING* if you’re easily offended by some sexual content – and want to skip the back story, simply read my notes below – not as contextual but think you’ll still get lots out of it.  

CLICK HERE and Get Your Bonus Gift: There Must Be MORE To Life Than This

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Shifting Invisible Patterns

Posted on May 4, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

“If I could change one thing for women, it would be helping them to believe they have the inner strength they need to make their lives better.” -Alice Domar, Ph. D.

In the world of self improvement, achieving goals and pursuing your dreams – you’ve most likely bumped up against patterns that you see transpire over and over again in your life.

Maybe you see in a pattern in your romantic relationships – where no matter who you’re dating, the same issues and patterns show up. Same person just a different pair of pants.

Or, maybe you see it in your work – you may go into a different job, or a different position – and find yourself feeling frustrated and undervalued. You feel like you just took a different seat on the titanic.

It’s a beautiful thing when you can actually realize and see a pattern because then, once you’re aware, you can change it and begin making different choices – more empowering choices.

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The Exhaustion of Trying To Be Good Enough

Posted on Mar 16, 2015 | by Brenda Stanton

“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.” ~Unknown

It never ceases to amaze me how much each week provides themes that clients are going through and that I go through in my own life as well.

This week’s theme was something that you may have been feeling as well which is: The Exhaustion of Trying to Be Good Enough.

This is almost always an unconscious thing – but the symptoms show-up in the way that you feel heavy, bogged down and tired.

For example, when you have a vision or a dream – and yearn for something different than what you’ve experienced to date – just the mere thought of trying to make this happen – leaves you feeling absolutely exhausted.

A familiar voice in your head will no doubt crop-up telling “Don’t even bother trying because you’ll never measure up anyway.”

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Solutions To Get Un-Stuck

Posted on Dec 1, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to bloom.” ~~ Anais Nin

The first inclination when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and lacking all motivation to do anything is to – get out of this state quickly! The feelings that arise when you’re stuck are very uncomfortable and almost unbearable because they go against your character and who you know yourself to be.

If you identify yourself with being a can-do, go-getter, overachiever who has a track-record of getting things done – then being stuck in a rut is probably the worst feeling you could feel. It goes against the grain of everything you know about yourself and it hits hard to your identity and how you see yourself – and, where you source your value.

Imagine for a moment that you source your value and self-worth from giving.

Consider that you may get a hit of adrenaline every time you accomplish, give, or prove that you’re valuable by doing or giving – whether it’s to someone or something – it feels good to get it done or provide because it feeds something in you – albeit temporarily.

Yet, at the same time, you may feel resentful and not know why. You may wonder why it seems that you never get back what you give. You may begin to get angry but have no idea why you’re angry. You may begin to feel sad and not know why. Pretty soon you find yourself not only sad, but stuck in a full-blown rut and have no idea how you got here.

Sound familiar?

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Fear of Being Seen

Posted on Nov 17, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when you are brave enough to explore the darkness will you discover the infinite power of our light.” ~Brené Brown

Amy Cuddy’s Ted Talk shows you how to literally take up space in the world.

I highly recommend practicing some of the postures (as she suggests in private) and accessing how you feel inside yourself.

Then, access how you’d feel outside in the world.

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Giving Your Worth Away

Posted on May 5, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

Giving your worth away is like sliding all your power across a table and asking someone else – am I good enough?

If you really think about it – we’ve all been taught to give our power away and rely on feeling good about ourselves from what others think. As kids we do this with the authority figures in our lives – looking up at them – smaller and shorter – and thinking: Am I enough?

This habit gets transferred to our adult lives in many ways also – not only when it comes to our personal worth – how we feel about ourselves, our capabilities, talents, what we have, don’t have, etc. – but also our spiritual worth – our relationship with Source – our creator.

I had honestly never made the distinction, until recently, between personal worth and spiritual worth – but the distinction does help – especially when you’re a spiritual seeker and in need of deeper answers to where your life is not only going, but what it’s all for.

And, what I find happening with so many, especially in this “New Age” – is carrying the habit of handing power over to others – others who claim to have your answers – others who claim to know where your life is going – and what your destiny is.

Trust me, I’ve gone to many a psychic looking for not only my answers and life path, asking them with the utmost sincerity – is it all going to work out? In other words, tell me, does God really have my back?

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Heaviness of Personal Responsibility

Posted on Mar 24, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it.” ~Unknown

The other day I watched this brief video of Pastor Joel Olsteen chat with a woman on the Oprah’s Lifeclass about her challenges with self worth.

I love Joel Olsteen. He’s so full of life, inspiration and great advice. It’s also so clear where his priorities are – steeped in putting God first in his life, and allowing himself to be led vs. feeling as if he’s the one in the driver’s seat.

And I’m sure, with more time, Joel could have expanded upon his message to this beautiful woman about how to feel more worthy. If you watch the brief video, you’ll see how he helped her shift her mindset and to be more faithFULL that God has a plan, and where she’s “at”, isn’t a mistake.

All beautiful messages about believing in God’s plan and having FAITH.

Yet, I know this woman Michelle is still feeling blocked based on what she said: “I’m not disappointed in God but I’m more disappointed and ashamed of myself”.

Ahh, the grip of self-blame that keeps you stuck in the past and never seems to let go as much as you “try”.

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Motivated By Your Inner Critic?

Posted on Mar 3, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Success in any endeavor depends on the degree to which it is an expression of your true self.” ~Ralph Marston

We all have that voice within.

You know the one that crops-up when you’re attempting to make any type of positive change in your life. It either whispers, or speaks to you in a loud scream, something that sounds like: “Don’t Bother!”

If you allow the voice to continue to give you “advice” you’ll have convinced yourself in about 30-seconds of all the reasons why you shouldn’t make any type of change, or even attempt trying.

Not only does the voice do a great job of preventing you from trying to make any type of positive changes, but it also is phenomenal at beating you down, and making you feel really bad and small for things that you can’t seem to handle in your everyday life.

If you pay attention, you’ll notice your inner critic voice will point out everything you’re doing wrong in so many areas of your life.

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You Deserve More Than Average

Posted on Nov 25, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

““When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance.” ~~ Joel Osteen” ~Joel Osteen

The other day a very good friend and I were having a conversation about learning to receive MORE than you need. My friend was explaining that she’s been reading a new book, Break Out, by Joel Osteen.

My friend described how Joel speaks about the fact that what we ask for we receive. If we ask with a cup we’ll receive a cup’s worth. If we ask with a barrel we’ll receive a barrel’s worth.

This discussion got me thinking about it is true that most of us, not even knowing why, limit what we feel we deserve or can have.

Oftentimes, this is due to what I see as having a mindset that if you have “enough”, you never need “more than enough”.

Think about it, how comfortable would you be if you had much more than what you needed? Initially you may think to yourself, “That would be great to live in a state of abundance!”

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Feeling Invisible

Posted on Jun 10, 2013 | by Brenda Stanton

“Can you see me? Can you hear me? Does anything I say mean anything to you?”
― Oprah Winfrey

I remember one of the greatest Christmas gifts I ever received was from my sister when she bought me years back. Oprah’s 20th Anniversary DVD

What a gift it was to be able to watch episodes that Oprah and her team selected as the best and the most provocative and insightful. If you don’t have it, I highly recommend having a copy for your library – it’s a great resource to have on-hand.

There was one show in particular that stood out to me – actually it was more about what Oprah said about the show that mattered the most. She summed it up by saying in all her years of interviewing people – that what everyone wants to know is: Do You See Me?

That statement stuck with me up until this day because it’s so powerful and so true.

“Do you see me?” means so much more than in the literal sense of being seen. Sure you see folks wear bright colors or a sexy outfit, but this is a different kind of seeing – a seeing that goes beyond the surface and the exterior to – do you see me for who I really am – as a unique individual – okay just as I am – imperfections and all?

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