Archive for the ‘Not Good Enough’ Category

What You Resist Persists

Posted on Mar 26, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“What you resists persists” ~Carl Jung

When the law of attraction got introduced on a larger scale through the book/dvd The Secret I think the anxiety level of many people went up on a larger scale too.

There is a term called – unconscious competent – and I believe for many years many of us weren’t aware of what we were creating – and there wasn’t that much pressure to know.  Things happened naturally and sometimes they didn’t – but the pressure of “You Create Your Own Reality” wasn’t there.

I believe we could all utilize less of – You Create Your Own Reality – and more of – You Allow Your Reality.   

When The Secret came out, you most likely knew the concepts and knew when you thought about something – it did often come about.  You may have created a vision board – and cut pictures out of magazines *telling* the Universe what you wanted.

I did the same.  I’d write in my journal about what I *thought* I wanted and some things would manifest and some things wouldn’t.

When things didn’t manifest, I see now that it all had to do with my resistance level to allowing and trusting that if it wasn’t right, the Universe didn’t want me to have it right then.  Or, there was something in my story – the story I made up about how my past circumstances defined who I am and based on that, I’m not worthy.

Regardless, I’d often resist it and fight harder for what I *thought* I wanted and the more I resisted, the more what I didn’t want would appear.  Which left me feeling even more frustrated and believing a) the law of attraction just didn’t work for me – and/or b) I’m unconsciously reinforcing my story that I’m not enough in some way or c) all of the above :)

What I’m learning is – Acceptance is the key.  Accepting everything that comes your way and knowing that whatever comes, it is for your highest good.  This puts you in the flow of life vs. putting you in the resistance to life.

As I practice this, my mind has been having a field day with resistance – screaming at me: “What do you mean accept what comes and what is?  How in the world will the Universe ever know what you truly want if you’re so passive?”  Essentially saying, you need control and you need control now!

Yet, the Truth is – my mind doesn’t know what life has in store for me – it only knows the story it created around what I’m worthy of and what I’m not based on what I’ve already experienced. This story is very limiting – and it may lead me to my mind’s fate, but it won’t lead me to my destiny.

My prayer moving forward is to be pulled towards my destiny – and to allow that to unfold through being accepting of what is and what comes.  This doesn’t mean that I passively just walk through life not wanting things – I still have desires – but rather than consult my mind on what those desires are, I’m deciding to go deeper into my soul and allow my soul to speak to me and to WILL it to happen vs. try to make it happen.

We’ll talk more about WILL next time – meanwhile, if this approach resonates, give it a try.  Accept what is – and know that what is – IS for your highest good.  Trust it.

What does your self worth depend on?

Posted on Mar 11, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

To depend means to rely on and put trust in.  Now ask yourself what does your self worth depend on?

Most of us were taught early-on that in order to have self worth, we need to depend on and put trust in our outer circumstances.  Where what happens to us dicates if we feel like enough or not.  

Living life this way feels like you’re on a constant hamster wheel – where if things are bad, you’re always hoping for something better to happen – and  if things are good, you’re always wondering, when is the other shoe going to drop?  

This may be the norm but it doesn’t need to be your norm.

Depending on outer circumstances to define your self worth will always lead to disappointment because you’ll feel like you’re always chasing something or trying to keep something that you feel is outside of you.

What if there is another way to live?  A way where regardless of what happens “out there” you feel at peace.  Where you aren’t reaching, striving or trying to get things to stay the same – or change – but rather accepting life as it comes to you.

I hadn’t realized, until very recently, how dominated I’ve been by trying to dictate how I *think* my life should be and look.  I didn’t realize how overloaded I was on mind dominance and trying to think my way into the future I *thought* i wanted.

Yet, your mind can only take you so far – it’s limited by what you *think* and what you’ve experienced.

Your soul on the other hand, is unlimited and directly connected to your destiny – it’s unlimited by what the universe yearns for you to experience.  

Knowing this Truth, which path will you walk?  And, how do you know the first steps to take?

I choose destiny and allowing the Universe to lead – which means accepting every circumstance in my life as if I chose it to be this way.

Not easy but I believe extremely worthwhile.

If you’re willing to allow life to lead you, consider some advice a good friend/coach gave to me that I’ll share with you.  For the next 48-hours, take every circumstance in your life, no matter what happens and simply say out loud:  “Thank you, I have no complaints”.

If you can get in this habit of living life this way, I believe we’ll all be astonished as to what can transpire.

I’d love to hear how your experiment goes – and as always, it’s your choice which path you choose to walk.  Choose wisely.

Loving Your Shadow Self

Posted on Feb 26, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

The other day while i was walking the dog, I looked down and saw this heart etched into the road below me.  I love seeing hearts in random places so I took a picture.  Afterwards, i noticed how cool the picture is – but later on realized it had even deeper meaning  — love in the shadow.

What is your shadow self?

Your shadow self is the cumulation of the parts of you that you don’t want to be.  The parts that you run from, have immense shame around, and do your best to cover up and/or hide from everyone else – mostly yourself.

You know when you’re knee deep in your shadow when you judge someone else for doing something you’d never do – or you judge someone for being something you’d never be.  Or, if you’re accused of being a certain way – and you get enraged at the thought of it – then you know you’re hovering over your shadow.

Our shadows, like every limiting belief or thought process, gets it roots at an early age. You most likely witnessed those that you’re connected to in your family dynamic being destructive or unloving and made a promise to yourself that you’d never be like that.  You’d be different.  Better.  More of something.  Just not them, or that.

So, you become the opposite of your shadow by building another ego self that you can be proud of and that is *accepted* by the outside world.  You do the right things.  You follow the rules.  You make the right choices.  You follow the right path.  Until you don’t.

Making this decision about who you wouldn’t be, put your shadow self into a box, and your intention was it would never, ever see the light of day.  Yet, your shadow has different intentions – its intention is to show you who you really are – so you can accept ALL of you – and ALL of others.

If you walk around not accepting parts of you – you’ll walk around not accepting parts of others.  You’ll judge you just as much as you judge them.  And, with judgement being the absence of love, no one heals from that.

By ignoring, rejecting and abandoning your shadow, it will crop up when you least expect it.  It will crop up when you’re doing your best to be someone else – but your shadow reminds you that it’s there – and unless you acknowledge, accept and love it, it will continue to sabotage you.  

So, how do you learn to embrace and accept your shadow self and realize it’s a part of you that needs love?

They key is to acknowledge your shadow and know that these aspects exist within you – and to remove judgement.  The next step is to witness but not react or engage, but rather integrate.

For example, the other day I said to my coach, I’ll never be enough for something I truly want.  He encouraged me to see how I’m repeating a thought process that is telling me I’ll never measure which essentially means “ever” – it will never, ever happen.  Yikes!  I then asked, “Okay, how do I heal this?”  He simply said, “Can you love that you’ll never be enough?”  In that moment, I felt unleashed in my reply of “Yes!”.

So I’ll pose the same question to you – can you love the parts of you that you don’t want to look at or acknowledge?  If you can, you’ll begin to experience true freedom.  Give it a shot.  And remember, like anything it’s a process of integration.

Tip:  Look for the gifts in becoming the opposite of who you never wanted to be – and then look for the gift if you embrace all these aspects.  The best gift to realize is – if you embrace and love your shadow, it will lessen it’s hold on you and stop haunting you.  

As always, it’s your choice.

Chasing Self Worth

Posted on Dec 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

We all have areas of life where our self-worth feels very high – areas where you don’t struggle, you manifest very easily and have the utmost confidence.  You most likely hardly think about this area of your life – because it doesn’t create a challenge for you – you own your worthiness – it flows easily and effortlessly.

Then, another area of your life feels the exact opposite.  Your self-worth feels fleeting – as if you can’t grasp it no matter how hard you try.  You feel undeserving, unworthy – and can’t put your finger on why.  You feel unable to manifest or make something happen – even though you try to change it, heal it or fix what you perceive to be wrong with you or the situation.   You feel stuck and can’t find a way out.

Imagine the area where your self-worth feels high is like a free-flowing river – it flows.  And the area where your self-worth feels low is like a mouse in a maze – lots of obstacles and you can’t seem to find a way out – or a way to get to the cheese!

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Break Free of Inherited Self Worth Patterns

Posted on Dec 11, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the holidays approach, there is no doubt you’re making plans to be with family. Perhaps you’re excited and perhaps you are not.

This article is written for those of you who are perhaps dreading being around family energy that may make you feel uncomfortable and bring up old patterns and feelings – that you’d rather not feel.

My advice is to treat the holiday season as a great time to put old wounds into healing – and to become aware of thought patterns that may still be haunting you and holding you back to this day.

Those of you who are committed to the work of self awareness and becoming your True Self, know that we all inherited legacies of self worth patterns that aren’t even our own, but we unconsciously decided to own.

Take for example, a client of mine (who I have permission to share her story without revealing her name) who recently was around a close family member who she has struggled having any kind of relationship with.

As we talked through the feelings that arise within her when she’s around this family member, I suggested she stay awake and aware and nonjudgmental when she observes not only the behavior from the family member, but the behavior that goes on within herself.

What has to be realized is – any judgement, opinion, mean comment, etc. that was bestowed on you by another – was a moment in time that triggered you – and you took that judgement, opinion, or mean comment and told yourself something about it.  In other words, you took on the energy of that individual and told yourself that you’re not worthy, you’re bad, you’re stupid – whatever it was – and then your mind recycled that thought to continue to show up to prove you right time and time again.

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How You Parent Yourself

Posted on Oct 2, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton
Have you ever given thought to how you parent yourself and what your own parent (whether they were physically in your life or not) demonstrated to you about your own sense of self worth?
Notice that I said “sense” of self worth because most of us don’t realize that the way we witness how others interact with us – especially when we’re young and super impressionable  – is how we form our sense of self worth and value in your world.

kidwithson

This doesn’t mean that others give you a sense of value or worth – it’s how you interpret their actions that you make your own assumptions and decisions.  Then, these assumptions get internalized and form beliefs about yourself that most likely still hold true for you today.  
They key thing to realize about parents is – whatever you witnessed not only with how they treated you – but how they treated themselves, got internalized to how you treat you.
This isn’t obvious because most of us make very clear decisions at some point in life to say – I will NEVER be like my mother or father – or both!  Then, you work really hard to become the opposite of them…and you most likely became successful at being the opposite.
Yet, have you ever found yourself saying something to someone else that sounds alot like one of your parents?

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You aren’t who you think you are.

Posted on Aug 14, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton


“I am not who you think I am; I am not who I think I am; I am who I think you think I am ” ~Thomas Cooley

When you commit to deep work within yourself – and are courageous enough to go deep – you discover the Truth about yourself and who you really are.littlegirlpink

What I mean by this is – there is a you that you formed long ago – a you that you *thought* would be acceptable to those around you – those that you wanted approval and acceptance from.

A you that wouldn’t ruffle feathers. A you who wouldn’t shine too bright and certainly wouldn’t outshine others.

No, your main M/O was to become who you *thought* others wan
ted you to BE.

At the time, you probably *thought*, “I’ll only need to wear this mask for a little while – just to get through this experience”. But then, unconsciously, you forgot that you put the mask on – and in turn, thought you were who you *thought* you were.

What I mean by *thought* you were/are is – our heads think up all sorts of things to make sense of what is happening. You may have heard the term; we’re meaning making machines. Yes, very true.

So, if you consider that who you *thought* you were/are isn’t who you really are, then who are you and who are you hiding from the world and most importantly, yourself?

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Looking for your worth in all the wrong places…

Posted on Aug 7, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“Sometimes I think I feel unworthy.” A good friend of mine said the other day.

“Oh I can relasparklerphotote to that!” I replied.

“Doesn’t it suck?” He said.

I laughed and thought – he couldn’t have chosen better words to describe what feeling unworthy feels like.  It sucks!

That’s why most of us try our best to cover up that sucky feeling and chase something outside of us which we hope will fulfill the void and heal the “worth wound”.

Searching, seeking, looking outside of yourself for the next “thing”. Or maybe the next relationship or exciting experience will give you the feeling you seek.
The Truth is – seeking outside solutions fo an inside knowing will always turn up empty.

Yet, what you need to know is – you aren’t empty. There is a fullness and a uniqueness so deep within you – that if you’d turn within, you’d be discovering all the amazing aspects to you for the rest of your life – for eons really.

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However, society doesn’t teach us this. We’re taught – worthiness is about appearances. Look the part. Act the part. Possess the things that will support the part. And you’re golden.

Prove, convince, influence, impress – this is the name of society’s worth game.

But, the Truth is – worthiness doesn’t have a barometer attached to it. It doesn’t have a pot of gold at the end of the long life rainbow where finally, after enough paying your dues, then you will finally feel it.

Most importantly, Worth isn’t fleeting. It never leaves you. It IS you. Period.

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Are you thinking negative or unworthy thoughts?

Posted on Jul 31, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“The outer world doesn’t determine or define your worth – you do.”

MeditatingNegative thinking is something that I believe you can identify easier than unworthy thinking.

I believe you can talk yourself out of a bad mood – it takes effort but you can do it.

Trying to talk yourself out of unworthiness? Well, that requires experience – a direct experience and shift in your soul.

Negative thinking looks and sounds like: Ugh, really? Traffic again? Why does this always happen to me when I have somewhere to be? Why do I always attract this into my life? Why can’t I catch a break?

Unworthy thinking is more unconscious. In a moment where something on the outside triggers you, you begin to feel that same way again – this experience sparked something deep down inside you – and you begin to FEEL and then THINK those same old feelings of: I can’t change this. This is the way its always going to be. This is who I am. This is my lot in life. I am disempowered, alone, powerless to change, hopeless.

The key distinction here is: Negative thinking is circumstantial. Unworthy thinking is historical.

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Reveal Your Innate Worthiness

Posted on Jan 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

Carefree Woman“There are no prerequisites for worthiness.” ~Brene Brown

Most of us have endured circumstances whether while growing up – or in the recent past – that we rather we didn’t have to endure or go through.

And, most often, it’s those circumstances from long ago – especially the “negative” ones that create some root beliefs about your worthiness that stick and keep you stuck and held back from what you truly desire to experience.

Today’s article is focused on helping you to not only SHIFT false beliefs (beliefs that got formed long ago that prevent you from claiming all that you desire to experience) – but to also help you realize your innate worthiness has absolutely nothing to do with what has manifested or what hasn’t manifested in your life.

So today, I’m introducing you to a powerful exercise called:  Just Because…

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