“Women are still in emotional bondage as long as we need to worry that we might have to make a choice between being heard and being loved.” ~Marianne Williamson

The common denominator in my work with clients is the consistent theme and pattern that I see with women who yearn to have a voice in the world – to do great work – to be more seen and heard, and to make a difference – yet in their quest to expand and evolve and become more creatively self expressed, there is a holdback – a limit – a fear.

And, after some deeper inquiry, this hold-back boils down to a fear of not wanting to be seen as: bold, full of themselves, arrogant, and conceited.

Therefore, any attempt at any Authentic Self creative expression and forward movement, gets trumped and blocked because – as Marianne Williamson says in the statement above – we feel our lives are an either/or choice – that we must sacrifice one area in order to experience happiness in another.

This is not true but it feels true for many.

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“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” ~Ram Dass

In my work with people, the best way I can describe them hovering over a worth issue is when they know what it is that they truly desire and want – yet they struggle with a hold-back – a block of not being able to experience it – and they have no idea why.

The best analogy I heard for this was described by Debbie Ford in one of her books where she said (which I’ll paraphrase): The feeling is like being stuck in a glass capsule. On the outside you can see what it is that you desire. You are close enough to almost touch and taste it – but you’re just far enough away to fully grab on and claim it as yours.

Can you relate with this glass capsule feeling in your own life? Where you desire something to change whether it’s in your work, your relationship(s) or in how you live – but you know you’re hovering over a worth issue, and aren’t really sure what to do with it?

If you can relate, something to consider when it comes to your worthiness challenges is the concept of carried shame.

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“Cherish your own emotions and never undervalue them.” ~Robert Henri

It’s inevitable, when you set a strong intention to change your life for the better, all sorts of emotions crop-up that you didn’t expect.

Learning to honor those emotions – all of them – is the KEY to transformation.

Often we don’t realize that our daily lives are playing out patterns from the past – and unconsciously we are each trying to heal old wounds by trying to “do it better” this time around.

And always, when you set a strong intention to experience something new, something better, something different than what you’re used to – painful and very uncomfortable emotions will crop-up.

Again, unconsciously we are more comfortable with the familiar – what we know – what’s predictable.

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“Don’t let the opinions of the average man/woman sway you. Dream, and he/she thinks you’re crazy. Succeed, and he/she thinks you’re lucky. Acquire wealth, and she/he thinks you’re greedy. Pay no attention. She/He simply doesn’t understand.” ~Robert G. Allen

In my practice I work with gals who are at two different stages of their career aspirations – generally a woman whom either:

“Happiness is your nature. It is not wrong to desire it. What is wrong is seeking it outside when it is inside.” ~Sri Ramana Maharshi

A few months back I noticed a Robin was building a nest on – and around – my back-porch lamp. I’m lucky that I noticed the nest before turning the light on – and also – that my bedroom window overlooks the porch.

I was/am grateful that I had a great view of what was ready to transpire over the coming months.

As the weeks went on, the eggs hatched and I would watch as the mom and dad robins got food for the babies, non-stop, day and night.

What was fascinating about the whole process was the baby birds’ ability to be patient – and wait and trust that their parents would be back with food for them. There seemed to be an instictual agreement that – the babies only job was to 1) stay silent until Mom and/or Dad came back with the food and 2) open their mouths (and hearts) to receive the food being offered to them.

Lesson: They didn’t owe anything for the receipt of that nourishment and love.

For me, growing up, I felt very separate – and isolated. In looking back I can see that the frightening separation was due to my “sense of separation’ from The Divine (my True Source). So, I learned that – in order to try to get my needs met – and fill that inner void (especially my need for love and attention) – that I would need to go outside of myself.

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“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

Last week’s article – was a popular one with many of you.

I’m so glad that a platform such as the Oprah Show and the network OWN allows me to show you how others – especially well known women – who you may think “have it “ALL”, struggle with self-worth and most importantly – feeling worthy of living a happy, joyful, creative, meaningful, successful, abundant life.

Take for example a well known, amazing author and teacher – Iyanla Vanzant – whom recently returned to the Oprah show after she and Oprah had a falling out. For years Iyanla was a guest on the show. Every other week, Oprah would give her the stage and allow her to counsel and teach the audience on the subject of relationships.

Iyanla was extremely effective and popular, and eventually caught the eye of another network who invited her to dinner with Barbara Walters. The purpose of the dinner was to discuss the potential for Iyanla to do her own show on that network.

Due to Iyanla’s loyalty to Harpo Productions, and her personal respect for Oprah, Iyanla turned the offer down; However, the idea of having her own show intrigued her and she felt in her soul it was time for that to happen.

Before reading on, please watch this video to see where a huge mis-understanding between Oprah and Iyanla came about when Iyanla approached the Harpo team about having her own show.

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“Endearment is a choice; people pleasing is based on need” ~Thomas Leonard

A few months back I was very excited to be able to carve out some time in the afternoon and sit down and watch the final episodes of the Oprah show.

And it was no surprise that the last episodes did not disappoint – especially, when Sarah Ferguson was on discussing her recent snub from not being invited to the royal wedding – as well as the boatload of mistakes she’s made in recent years.

The show’s real focus however, was demonstrating Sarah’s recovery through her leveraging the team of Oprah’s experts to help her recover and re-claim her life. Here is a
Short Video – where Dr. Phil points out how Sarah’s mistakes and her self-sabotage are steeped in a strong addiction to approval and acceptance.

Most of us don’t realize how a strong need for acceptance and approval is driving our lives – and where this strong, unmet need was initially born from.

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“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.” ~Hal Borland

A couple weeks ago I was out on my daily walk – and noticed a few patches of what looked to be new potential grass the neighbor hoped to have grow-in. The rest of the grass on the lawn was healthy and green, but the patches were cut-outs that were placed on the outskirts – near the road – where cars and foot traffic may have damaged the original grass.

Each day, I walk by the patches and would notice that they were still yellow and no grass had cropped through. Yet, yesterday on my walk, I noticed that long blades of vibrant green grass seemed to have grown overnight.

Normally I wouldn’t think much of this – but I intuitively thought about all the rain we’ve had over the past several days, especially the downpours we’ve endured.

This realization made made me realize that in order for the grass to grow so vibrantly – it needed to endure – and soak-up – all the elements – the so-called good (Light via the Sun) and the so-called bad (Loads of Rain and Darkness).

I use this example because in our lives we must, at some point, realize that the chase for more, the chase for perfection, the chase for all the pieces to perfectly fit, and for everything to be ‘just-so’ – and ‘perfect’ – is fleeting.

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“When you allow yourself to let-go, success can flow!” ~ Me :)

Do you ever wonder what the difference is between your self-esteem and your self-worth?

The two are very closely aligned – like brother and sister are in the bloodline.

Yet, there is also a major distinction to be made between the two – and I’ve discovered this through loads of contemplation and study – and direct experience. So, as a disclaimer, whatever I describe below is based on my own experience and beliefs – and certainly isn’t the only way in which to view the distinction.

Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on your actions. It’s what you have control over. It’s how you feel about yourself from the inside/out. Overall, are you proud of yourself for who you are, what you stand for and what actions you take and don’t take based on the values that you choose to orient your life around?

Your self-worth, has a much more spiritual bend to it (again, my opinion) because it’s directly related to your identity, your sense of self, your overall feeling of importance and value in this world. Overall, do you feel that you deserve to be here on the earth plane and have the right to take up space – and to be happy within that space you call your life?

The major difference is: Self-esteem is geared towards doing vs. Self-worth is more about being. Both have a tremendous amount of value – and serve very different purposes in your life. They both also work beautifully together when married in their natural energies.

The Truth is: most of the teachings ‘out there’ focus on boosting your self-esteem.

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“Every day, people settle for less than they deserve. They are only partially living or at best living a partial life. Every human being has the potential for greatness.” ~Bo Bennett

In last week’s article I gave you some Worth Work which included taking inventory of things, places, people, etc. that are causing you grief and draining your precious life-energy.

After looking at your list of tolerations, I also encouraged you to take action on one thing that you know will force you to grow and evolve and further expand into your Truest Self.

If you took action on at least one thing, congratulations! You’re most likely feeling lighter, courageous and uber confident – and ready to tackle more opportunities for you to Claim Your Worth!®

And, if you didn’t take action, but did take inventory of your tolerations, then congrats too! Documenting what you’re tolerating, is a big step in moving you forward – and becoming aware (on paper) of what you yearn to change – is a step in the right direction.

If you’re having a challenge with coming up with actual tolerations – here is a hint. Give yourself an allotted amount of time to document things that you’re tolerating and maybe give yourself a goal of writing down at least 30 things.

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