Archive for the ‘Guilt and Unworthiness’ Category

The Power Of Your Will Part 1

Posted on Apr 2, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

Willing something to happen is very different than forcing something to happen.

Will tends to get a bad rap because it conjures up the word willpower – which almost always gives way to:  restriction and going against yourself vs. allowing and letting things flow and be easy.

To me, will power gives the image of – I want it but I really don’t want it but I’m going to force myself to want it.  Sound familiar?  Trying to force something you should want but you face resistance around it.

In it’s truest sense, will power is exerted when you realize that what you want is what the Universe wants for you too – and you then have the courage to take action towards what you want – no matter what.

This is the same concept of:  when you marry intention with action and a miracle happens!  It’s when things just flow and happen – and you know you aren’t standing in your own way anymore – you’re allowing your highest good to manifest.

But what happens when you want something and it doesn’t happen – and the exact opposite manifests?  The same concept of will power is at play here too.  You willed what you don’t want to happen, it just wasn’t a conscious choice – it was an unconscious one.

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Loving Your Shadow Self

Posted on Feb 26, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

The other day while i was walking the dog, I looked down and saw this heart etched into the road below me.  I love seeing hearts in random places so I took a picture.  Afterwards, i noticed how cool the picture is – but later on realized it had even deeper meaning  — love in the shadow.

What is your shadow self?

Your shadow self is the cumulation of the parts of you that you don’t want to be.  The parts that you run from, have immense shame around, and do your best to cover up and/or hide from everyone else – mostly yourself.

You know when you’re knee deep in your shadow when you judge someone else for doing something you’d never do – or you judge someone for being something you’d never be.  Or, if you’re accused of being a certain way – and you get enraged at the thought of it – then you know you’re hovering over your shadow.

Our shadows, like every limiting belief or thought process, gets it roots at an early age. You most likely witnessed those that you’re connected to in your family dynamic being destructive or unloving and made a promise to yourself that you’d never be like that.  You’d be different.  Better.  More of something.  Just not them, or that.

So, you become the opposite of your shadow by building another ego self that you can be proud of and that is *accepted* by the outside world.  You do the right things.  You follow the rules.  You make the right choices.  You follow the right path.  Until you don’t.

Making this decision about who you wouldn’t be, put your shadow self into a box, and your intention was it would never, ever see the light of day.  Yet, your shadow has different intentions – its intention is to show you who you really are – so you can accept ALL of you – and ALL of others.

If you walk around not accepting parts of you – you’ll walk around not accepting parts of others.  You’ll judge you just as much as you judge them.  And, with judgement being the absence of love, no one heals from that.

By ignoring, rejecting and abandoning your shadow, it will crop up when you least expect it.  It will crop up when you’re doing your best to be someone else – but your shadow reminds you that it’s there – and unless you acknowledge, accept and love it, it will continue to sabotage you.  

So, how do you learn to embrace and accept your shadow self and realize it’s a part of you that needs love?

They key is to acknowledge your shadow and know that these aspects exist within you – and to remove judgement.  The next step is to witness but not react or engage, but rather integrate.

For example, the other day I said to my coach, I’ll never be enough for something I truly want.  He encouraged me to see how I’m repeating a thought process that is telling me I’ll never measure which essentially means “ever” – it will never, ever happen.  Yikes!  I then asked, “Okay, how do I heal this?”  He simply said, “Can you love that you’ll never be enough?”  In that moment, I felt unleashed in my reply of “Yes!”.

So I’ll pose the same question to you – can you love the parts of you that you don’t want to look at or acknowledge?  If you can, you’ll begin to experience true freedom.  Give it a shot.  And remember, like anything it’s a process of integration.

Tip:  Look for the gifts in becoming the opposite of who you never wanted to be – and then look for the gift if you embrace all these aspects.  The best gift to realize is – if you embrace and love your shadow, it will lessen it’s hold on you and stop haunting you.  

As always, it’s your choice.

Chasing Self Worth

Posted on Dec 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

We all have areas of life where our self-worth feels very high – areas where you don’t struggle, you manifest very easily and have the utmost confidence.  You most likely hardly think about this area of your life – because it doesn’t create a challenge for you – you own your worthiness – it flows easily and effortlessly.

Then, another area of your life feels the exact opposite.  Your self-worth feels fleeting – as if you can’t grasp it no matter how hard you try.  You feel undeserving, unworthy – and can’t put your finger on why.  You feel unable to manifest or make something happen – even though you try to change it, heal it or fix what you perceive to be wrong with you or the situation.   You feel stuck and can’t find a way out.

Imagine the area where your self-worth feels high is like a free-flowing river – it flows.  And the area where your self-worth feels low is like a mouse in a maze – lots of obstacles and you can’t seem to find a way out – or a way to get to the cheese!

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Break Free of Inherited Self Worth Patterns

Posted on Dec 11, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the holidays approach, there is no doubt you’re making plans to be with family. Perhaps you’re excited and perhaps you are not.

This article is written for those of you who are perhaps dreading being around family energy that may make you feel uncomfortable and bring up old patterns and feelings – that you’d rather not feel.

My advice is to treat the holiday season as a great time to put old wounds into healing – and to become aware of thought patterns that may still be haunting you and holding you back to this day.

Those of you who are committed to the work of self awareness and becoming your True Self, know that we all inherited legacies of self worth patterns that aren’t even our own, but we unconsciously decided to own.

Take for example, a client of mine (who I have permission to share her story without revealing her name) who recently was around a close family member who she has struggled having any kind of relationship with.

As we talked through the feelings that arise within her when she’s around this family member, I suggested she stay awake and aware and nonjudgmental when she observes not only the behavior from the family member, but the behavior that goes on within herself.

What has to be realized is – any judgement, opinion, mean comment, etc. that was bestowed on you by another – was a moment in time that triggered you – and you took that judgement, opinion, or mean comment and told yourself something about it.  In other words, you took on the energy of that individual and told yourself that you’re not worthy, you’re bad, you’re stupid – whatever it was – and then your mind recycled that thought to continue to show up to prove you right time and time again.

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Courage To Be Your True Self

Posted on Nov 20, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?” ~Gloria Steinem

union

Most of us were taught at an early age to change (more accurately hide) who we really are in order to “fit-into” situations that are uncomfortable – but needed for our survival.

Have you ever considered that the parts of you that you thought were your hold-backs – were just protection mechanisms?

Have you ever considered that you needed to hide away parts of you that are LIGHT, bright, capable, strong, and glowing – in order to not outshine or intimate others?

Again, consider Gloria’s question: “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”

Unfortunately most of us are taught unconsciously to make the answer to her question a resounding YES!

Yes, I must fit into the job that I hate in order to survive.

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Looking for your worth in all the wrong places…

Posted on Aug 7, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“Sometimes I think I feel unworthy.” A good friend of mine said the other day.

“Oh I can relasparklerphotote to that!” I replied.

“Doesn’t it suck?” He said.

I laughed and thought – he couldn’t have chosen better words to describe what feeling unworthy feels like.  It sucks!

That’s why most of us try our best to cover up that sucky feeling and chase something outside of us which we hope will fulfill the void and heal the “worth wound”.

Searching, seeking, looking outside of yourself for the next “thing”. Or maybe the next relationship or exciting experience will give you the feeling you seek.
The Truth is – seeking outside solutions fo an inside knowing will always turn up empty.

Yet, what you need to know is – you aren’t empty. There is a fullness and a uniqueness so deep within you – that if you’d turn within, you’d be discovering all the amazing aspects to you for the rest of your life – for eons really.

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However, society doesn’t teach us this. We’re taught – worthiness is about appearances. Look the part. Act the part. Possess the things that will support the part. And you’re golden.

Prove, convince, influence, impress – this is the name of society’s worth game.

But, the Truth is – worthiness doesn’t have a barometer attached to it. It doesn’t have a pot of gold at the end of the long life rainbow where finally, after enough paying your dues, then you will finally feel it.

Most importantly, Worth isn’t fleeting. It never leaves you. It IS you. Period.

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Self Worth vs. Self Esteem

Posted on Aug 1, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

“When you allow yourself to let-go, success can flow!” 

Do you ever wonder what the difference is between your self-esteem and your self-worth?

Meditating with Rudraksha beads

The two are very closely aligned – like brother and sister are in the bloodline.

Yet, there is also a major distinction to be made between the two – and I’ve discovered this through loads of contemplation and study – and direct experience. So, as a disclaimer, whatever I describe below is based on my own experience and beliefs – and certainly isn’t the only way in which to view the distinction.

Your self-esteem is how you feel about yourself based on your actions. It’s what you have control over. It’s how you feel about yourself from the inside/out. Overall, are you proud of yourself for who you are, what you stand for and what actions you take and don’t take based on the values that you choose to orient your life around?

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Your self-worth, has a much more spiritual bend to it (again, my opinion) because it’s directly related to your identity, your sense of self, your overall feeling of importance and value in this world. Overall, do you feel that you deserve to be here on the earth plane and have the right to take up space – and to be happy within that space you call your life?

The major difference is: Self-esteem is geared towards doing vs. Self-worth is more about being. Both have a tremendous amount of value – and serve very different purposes in your life. They both also work beautifully together when married in their natural energies.

The Truth is: most of the teachings ‘out there’ focus on boosting your self-esteem.

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Reveal Your Innate Worthiness

Posted on Jan 18, 2016 | by Brenda Stanton

Carefree Woman“There are no prerequisites for worthiness.” ~Brene Brown

Most of us have endured circumstances whether while growing up – or in the recent past – that we rather we didn’t have to endure or go through.

And, most often, it’s those circumstances from long ago – especially the “negative” ones that create some root beliefs about your worthiness that stick and keep you stuck and held back from what you truly desire to experience.

Today’s article is focused on helping you to not only SHIFT false beliefs (beliefs that got formed long ago that prevent you from claiming all that you desire to experience) – but to also help you realize your innate worthiness has absolutely nothing to do with what has manifested or what hasn’t manifested in your life.

So today, I’m introducing you to a powerful exercise called:  Just Because…

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When Life Gives You Limes

Posted on Sep 8, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“When life gives you limes, make margaritas!” ~Brad Paisley

The above quote is from a great new country song “Limes” by Brad Paisley. The entire song is aimed at helping you to focus on the bright-side of life. You can listen and read the lyrics : here

One of the lyrics actually has a mistake – but I don’t believe in mistakes. Notice where Brad sings the lyric: “You look around and see all these people and think their life is perfect – ha – hardly…”. The video above states “pardon me” as if to think that it’s actually true – that looking around at other people’s lives and believing their perfect is true.

To quote Brad again, “Ha, hardly.”

Many everyday occurrences, including Facebook, can feed into this myth for sure – which is comparing yourself to others who seem to have “it” – it being life – all figured out.

What I’ve found is –that we often envy others who are thriving in areas that we struggle. And rather than believe they are more worthy or competent in this area, consideration should be given to that area just being a block in you – not a definition or reflection of your personal worth.

When you have a personal block that is holding you back from experiencing something that you really, really want and crave (and are envious that others are experiencing), the goal is to look at the part of you (not all of you!) that is fearful of actually experiencing what you truly desire.

Yes, fearful.

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Giving Your Worth Away

Posted on May 5, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

Giving your worth away is like sliding all your power across a table and asking someone else – am I good enough?

If you really think about it – we’ve all been taught to give our power away and rely on feeling good about ourselves from what others think. As kids we do this with the authority figures in our lives – looking up at them – smaller and shorter – and thinking: Am I enough?

This habit gets transferred to our adult lives in many ways also – not only when it comes to our personal worth – how we feel about ourselves, our capabilities, talents, what we have, don’t have, etc. – but also our spiritual worth – our relationship with Source – our creator.

I had honestly never made the distinction, until recently, between personal worth and spiritual worth – but the distinction does help – especially when you’re a spiritual seeker and in need of deeper answers to where your life is not only going, but what it’s all for.

And, what I find happening with so many, especially in this “New Age” – is carrying the habit of handing power over to others – others who claim to have your answers – others who claim to know where your life is going – and what your destiny is.

Trust me, I’ve gone to many a psychic looking for not only my answers and life path, asking them with the utmost sincerity – is it all going to work out? In other words, tell me, does God really have my back?

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