Caring for Yourself vs. Fixing Yourself

Posted on Oct 27, 2014 | by Brenda Stanton

“Coaching doesn’t make sick people well…it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary.” ~Thomas Leonard

Last week I had a conversation with a close friend of mine about how we all can get into the trap of self-help addiction and believing that – paying attention to your growth and evolution means fixing yourself.

In other words, there is something wrong with you that needs to be “helped”, (a.k.a. self-help).

Not true. There isn’t anything wrong with you – and nothing that needs to be “fixed”.

Even Iylanla Vanzant, who has her own show on OWN called “Fix My Life” insists that she doesn’t “fix” anyone’s life but gives people the tools to do it themselves.

That is really the key – empowering yourself vs. believing that you need to fixed or changed in order to feel or do better.

Moving forward, let’s intend the bookstores change the section from self-help to self-empowerement. That would be refreshing.

In the meantime however, consider that any progression you yearn to make in your life and with yourself is an indicator of self-care vs. self-help. That when you go to make improvements and changes, it’s because your whole self is worthy of extreme self-care.

To help you kick-start some extreme self care for this fall, check-out the Worthy Work below where I share a tool that I utilize with coaching clients. The questions provided below will help you get a guage on what areas of your life needs your focus and will help you in caring for yourself in the way you deserve.



Below are questions that I pose to clients in a Life-Style Inventory exercise who are participating in coaching and are committed to realizing their highest potential in life, work and relationships. Read the questions below, and think about the different areas of your life – and your overall life-style. Then, write out a paragraph under each category in terms of how you feel from an overall satisfaction and energy level for each. The questions provided are simply to help spark your mind. Use separate pieces of paper where needed.

Relationships: Are there people in your life who drain your energy? If so, who? Do you have quality friendships in your life? Do you feel a void from having lack of a romantic partner in your life? Is there someone you need to forgive? How connected do you feel to your community? How would you rate your overall satisfaction in this area of your life?

Home & Surroundings: Does your home feel warm and inviting to you? Do you love where you live? Are there projects around your home that you have been avoiding? Is your car is in need of cleaning or repair? How about your closets – are they clean and organized – or draining? Do you have a soul-nurturing office where you can create and do your work cheerfully? How about your kitchen? Is it stocked with nutritious foods and warm & inviting? Is your bedroom soothing to your soul and a place of refuge for you?

Overall Wellness – Body/Mind/Spirit: How do you feel IN your body? Are you confident? How do you feel in your cloths? Do you feel your image reflects who you are on the inside? How about the foods you eat, do you tend to eat foods that aren’t good for you? Do you use food as a substitute sometimes for contentment or to fill a void? How about your exercise routine? Do you have one? Are you happy with it? What about personal interests and having fun & excitement? How is your spiritual practice?

Your Work & Finances: Do you love what you’re doing for your work? If not all, what would you like to change? If you own your own business, what are your struggles day-to-day? Do you enjoy being the boss? Do you enjoy the people you work with – whether co-workers or clients? What about your information management – are you overloaded by emails, Facebook ,etc? How does your work support your life? Are you making the income you want? Do you have a savings plan or live month-to-month? What are your desires in the finances department based on the lifestyle you desire to live?

Eliminating Energy Drains & Tolerations: Based on taking inventory of the aspects of your life that feel great, and others that don’t, what actions will you take within the next 30-days to remove energy drains from your life? And, what soul-nourishing fuels (a.k.a. new habits) will you add into your life? Make your list below of at least 5 energy drains and then 5 new soul nourishing habits – and then watch how your life changes and how you begin to feel!




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