Breaking This Common Habit

Posted on Oct 9, 2012 | by Brenda Stanton

“Loving yourself involves the discovery of the true wonder of you; not only the present you, but the many possibilities of you. It involves the continual realization that you are unique, like no other person in the world, that life is, or should be, the discovery, the development and the sharing of this uniqueness.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

Last week, in one of my coaching sessions, I had given my client some homework to gain more clarity on a VISION that she’s been struggling to define.

To do her homework most authentically and effectively, I made sure to encourage her to go somewhere quiet and private that would allow her to go within to seek the answers and clarity she needs.

When we kicked off our coaching call, I was excited to hear the enthusiasm in her voice. She explained that initially she didn’t give herself quiet time or any privacy to do the homework. In fact, she went to Starbucks and found herself people watching for over 3 hours!

Yet, what she explained next was absolutely profound.

She explained: “But then, as I watched yet another person walk through the door of Starbucks, and wondered what their life was like and how they seem to have it all perfect, I realized, in that moment, a habit that I’ve held onto my whole life. The habit of looking to others and the outside world for my answers, ideas and clarity!”

As our call continued, my client explained how in that moment she realized that rather than trying to be authentic with who she really is as a creative soul, that she was trying to “fit-in” to the outside world and look for her vision and originality outside of herself.

She went on to explain: “It was uncanny when I realized this habit that I’ve held onto because it revealed so much about my false belief system. I realized that I’ve been looking for a place in the world to belong – some corner or group that I can mold myself into and become like them vs. me being who I really am and allowing the appropriate people, places and things to mold around me!”

What insight that is huh?

This is a habit I believe we’ve all been taught to have in one form or another: Look outside yourself for answers, clarity, approval and acceptance vs. allowing yourself to write your own script and ATTRACT the right opportunities and other resources to you.

To help you break the habit of looking outside of yourself to find the answers, check-out the Worthy Work below which gives you some guidelines on how-to trust your own instincts and insights.


To Your Worth!



Have you ever looked online at job sites seeking out that “perfect position” that would allow you to be your Authentic Self in your work and would give you the platform to creatively express yourself in a variety of ways? But then, found yourself disappointed because it didn’t exist? This is a beautiful example of trying to “find yourself” and your purpose out in the world vs. relying on your own inner resources to guide you. Here are some tips to help you live by your own inner light:

Access Your Trust Reserves consider an area in your life where you have utter confidence – an area where you know from deep within that things will turn out okay. This is an area where you trust your capability and your intuition. Then, write out WHY you have trust and confidence in this area and all the “evidence” you have to support things turning out just great in this area.

Lack of Trust & Confidence then, take inventory of an area that you don’t have as much (if any) trust or confidence in your life and why you struggle in this area. Give consideration that you haven’t yet experienced what you define as success in this area because, maybe, just maybe you’ve been looking outside for what it *should* look like vs. going within to gain clarity on what your heart and soul would really LOVE this area to look like for you.

Break the Comparison Habit to begin trusting yourself from within – which by the way is really the process of connecting with, and allowing your Higher Self to guide you – you must stop comparing yourself with others and what they have. This is a habit of focusing on your weakness and lack vs. focusing on what you’ve been blessed with – INTUITION and amazing insight.

Your goal this week is to GO WITHIN – rather than shining the flashlight “out there” to give you the answers and clarity, shine the flashlight within and give yourself permission to get clear on what you want your life to look like in all areas – not what others have but what your creative soul truly wants to experience.


To Your Worth!

Subscribe to My Blog:

Subscribe to my blog! Enter your email below to receive new articles by email!