Giving Yourself Credit

By Brenda Stanton | Apr 30, 2017

 

Here is a question for you: When was the last time you sat down and acknowledged yourself for what you’ve accomplished, overcome, realized about yourself, contributed to others, etc. – in the last few months, and even the last several years?

Do you have a memory of this – or is the answer – not so much. Or never?

If you haven’t been making it a ritual to acknowledge yourself and how much progress and contribution you make every day – and every year – then I highly recommend making this a new habit in your life.

Most of us were brought up to believe that to acknowledge yourself for anything means that you’re
a show-off, know-it-all, or you’re self-absorbed. And as a result of this, there is a subconscious fear and message running like a tape drive in your mind saying – whatever you do, it’s never going to be enough, and it’s not that big of a deal.

I remember reading a story years back about Oprah and how she was tangled up in some subconscious beliefs around her weight. The story went on to explain a deeper block that she held which was: If I’m too much they won’t like me – I can’t be pretty too and have all this!

What got revealed in that story was that Oprah was brought up to not make a big deal about her achievements because her elders wanted her to remain humble. And in Oprah’s case, this was a true gift as she took things in stride and didn’t allow her success to go to her head.

However, Oprah herself discovered that by not making a big deal about her successes, and not acknowledging herself for what’s she’s been able to do and contribute, she was denying an aspect of herself and not fully owning who she really is.

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The Power Of Your Will Part 2

By Brenda Stanton | Apr 17, 2017

Being then doing – that is the equation.  Often we’re told however that we need to do and then do some more – and what you want will happen.

Yet, as i mentioned in Part 1 of this topic, what you think you want is very different than what you know you are destined for.

What you think you want is derived from the belief:  once I have it and experience it – I’ll feel better, I’ll be happy.  This belief is built on the premise that whatever it is that you desire is separate from you – that it needs to manifest in order for you to experience the feeling of having it.

What you’re destined for on the other hand is based on the Truth that you already have it – and you are already IT.   The only separation between what you’re experiencing and what you desire are the thoughts that tell you all the reasons why you can’t have it.

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The Power Of Your Will Part 1

By Brenda Stanton | Apr 2, 2017

Willing something to happen is very different than forcing something to happen.

Will tends to get a bad rap because it conjures up the word willpower – which almost always gives way to:  restriction and going against yourself vs. allowing and letting things flow and be easy.

To me, will power gives the image of – I want it but I really don’t want it but I’m going to force myself to want it.  Sound familiar?  Trying to force something you should want but you face resistance around it.

In it’s truest sense, will power is exerted when you realize that what you want is what the Universe wants for you too – and you then have the courage to take action towards what you want – no matter what.

This is the same concept of:  when you marry intention with action and a miracle happens!  It’s when things just flow and happen – and you know you aren’t standing in your own way anymore – you’re allowing your highest good to manifest.

But what happens when you want something and it doesn’t happen – and the exact opposite manifests?  The same concept of will power is at play here too.  You willed what you don’t want to happen, it just wasn’t a conscious choice – it was an unconscious one.

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What You Resist Persists

By Brenda Stanton | Mar 26, 2017

“What you resists persists” ~Carl Jung

When the law of attraction got introduced on a larger scale through the book/dvd The Secret I think the anxiety level of many people went up on a larger scale too.

There is a term called – unconscious competent – and I believe for many years many of us weren’t aware of what we were creating – and there wasn’t that much pressure to know.  Things happened naturally and sometimes they didn’t – but the pressure of “You Create Your Own Reality” wasn’t there.

I believe we could all utilize less of – You Create Your Own Reality – and more of – You Allow Your Reality.   

When The Secret came out, you most likely knew the concepts and knew when you thought about something – it did often come about.  You may have created a vision board – and cut pictures out of magazines *telling* the Universe what you wanted.

I did the same.  I’d write in my journal about what I *thought* I wanted and some things would manifest and some things wouldn’t.

When things didn’t manifest, I see now that it all had to do with my resistance level to allowing and trusting that if it wasn’t right, the Universe didn’t want me to have it right then.  Or, there was something in my story – the story I made up about how my past circumstances defined who I am and based on that, I’m not worthy.

Regardless, I’d often resist it and fight harder for what I *thought* I wanted and the more I resisted, the more what I didn’t want would appear.  Which left me feeling even more frustrated and believing a) the law of attraction just didn’t work for me – and/or b) I’m unconsciously reinforcing my story that I’m not enough in some way or c) all of the above :)

What I’m learning is – Acceptance is the key.  Accepting everything that comes your way and knowing that whatever comes, it is for your highest good.  This puts you in the flow of life vs. putting you in the resistance to life.

As I practice this, my mind has been having a field day with resistance – screaming at me: “What do you mean accept what comes and what is?  How in the world will the Universe ever know what you truly want if you’re so passive?”  Essentially saying, you need control and you need control now!

Yet, the Truth is – my mind doesn’t know what life has in store for me – it only knows the story it created around what I’m worthy of and what I’m not based on what I’ve already experienced. This story is very limiting – and it may lead me to my mind’s fate, but it won’t lead me to my destiny.

My prayer moving forward is to be pulled towards my destiny – and to allow that to unfold through being accepting of what is and what comes.  This doesn’t mean that I passively just walk through life not wanting things – I still have desires – but rather than consult my mind on what those desires are, I’m deciding to go deeper into my soul and allow my soul to speak to me and to WILL it to happen vs. try to make it happen.

We’ll talk more about WILL next time – meanwhile, if this approach resonates, give it a try.  Accept what is – and know that what is – IS for your highest good.  Trust it.

Waiting For The Other Shoe To Drop?

By Brenda Stanton | Mar 18, 2017

Have you ever experienced a situation in life that is going “too good” – or “too peaceful” or “too successful” and a part of your brain keeps whispering:  “There is no way this can last.  When is the other shoe going to drop?”

Waiting for the other shoe to drop is an actual syndrome which has it’s root in FEAR.    The fear of experiencing peace or goodness and then your mind trying to prepare you for the worst case scenario.  

This is what fear does – it keeps you in a constant state of panic and high alert.  You subconsciously stand guard for something bad happening – and worry that nothing good can ever last.  This results in your body and mind humming at a rapid pace – like a car’s engine that is kept on too long – it’s idle and eventually begins to rev up.  No wonder you may have a hard time being in the moment – the present moment feels frightening!

Being aware of having this fear of the other shoe dropping is the first step because you can now see that this is a survival mechanism that your brain created to help protect you.  Yet, in Truth, this isn’t really protecting you – it’s keeping you in a state of panic, worry and anxiety.  Feelings that may feel familiar to you – but feelings that also keep you stuck.

So, what is the true solution to overcoming waiting for the other shoe to drop?

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What does your self worth depend on?

By Brenda Stanton | Mar 11, 2017

To depend means to rely on and put trust in.  Now ask yourself what does your self worth depend on?

Most of us were taught early-on that in order to have self worth, we need to depend on and put trust in our outer circumstances.  Where what happens to us dicates if we feel like enough or not.  

Living life this way feels like you’re on a constant hamster wheel – where if things are bad, you’re always hoping for something better to happen – and  if things are good, you’re always wondering, when is the other shoe going to drop?  

This may be the norm but it doesn’t need to be your norm.

Depending on outer circumstances to define your self worth will always lead to disappointment because you’ll feel like you’re always chasing something or trying to keep something that you feel is outside of you.

What if there is another way to live?  A way where regardless of what happens “out there” you feel at peace.  Where you aren’t reaching, striving or trying to get things to stay the same – or change – but rather accepting life as it comes to you.

I hadn’t realized, until very recently, how dominated I’ve been by trying to dictate how I *think* my life should be and look.  I didn’t realize how overloaded I was on mind dominance and trying to think my way into the future I *thought* i wanted.

Yet, your mind can only take you so far – it’s limited by what you *think* and what you’ve experienced.

Your soul on the other hand, is unlimited and directly connected to your destiny – it’s unlimited by what the universe yearns for you to experience.  

Knowing this Truth, which path will you walk?  And, how do you know the first steps to take?

I choose destiny and allowing the Universe to lead – which means accepting every circumstance in my life as if I chose it to be this way.

Not easy but I believe extremely worthwhile.

If you’re willing to allow life to lead you, consider some advice a good friend/coach gave to me that I’ll share with you.  For the next 48-hours, take every circumstance in your life, no matter what happens and simply say out loud:  “Thank you, I have no complaints”.

If you can get in this habit of living life this way, I believe we’ll all be astonished as to what can transpire.

I’d love to hear how your experiment goes – and as always, it’s your choice which path you choose to walk.  Choose wisely.

Loving Your Shadow Self

By Brenda Stanton | Feb 26, 2017

The other day while i was walking the dog, I looked down and saw this heart etched into the road below me.  I love seeing hearts in random places so I took a picture.  Afterwards, i noticed how cool the picture is – but later on realized it had even deeper meaning  — love in the shadow.

What is your shadow self?

Your shadow self is the cumulation of the parts of you that you don’t want to be.  The parts that you run from, have immense shame around, and do your best to cover up and/or hide from everyone else – mostly yourself.

You know when you’re knee deep in your shadow when you judge someone else for doing something you’d never do – or you judge someone for being something you’d never be.  Or, if you’re accused of being a certain way – and you get enraged at the thought of it – then you know you’re hovering over your shadow.

Our shadows, like every limiting belief or thought process, gets it roots at an early age. You most likely witnessed those that you’re connected to in your family dynamic being destructive or unloving and made a promise to yourself that you’d never be like that.  You’d be different.  Better.  More of something.  Just not them, or that.

So, you become the opposite of your shadow by building another ego self that you can be proud of and that is *accepted* by the outside world.  You do the right things.  You follow the rules.  You make the right choices.  You follow the right path.  Until you don’t.

Making this decision about who you wouldn’t be, put your shadow self into a box, and your intention was it would never, ever see the light of day.  Yet, your shadow has different intentions – its intention is to show you who you really are – so you can accept ALL of you – and ALL of others.

If you walk around not accepting parts of you – you’ll walk around not accepting parts of others.  You’ll judge you just as much as you judge them.  And, with judgement being the absence of love, no one heals from that.

By ignoring, rejecting and abandoning your shadow, it will crop up when you least expect it.  It will crop up when you’re doing your best to be someone else – but your shadow reminds you that it’s there – and unless you acknowledge, accept and love it, it will continue to sabotage you.  

So, how do you learn to embrace and accept your shadow self and realize it’s a part of you that needs love?

They key is to acknowledge your shadow and know that these aspects exist within you – and to remove judgement.  The next step is to witness but not react or engage, but rather integrate.

For example, the other day I said to my coach, I’ll never be enough for something I truly want.  He encouraged me to see how I’m repeating a thought process that is telling me I’ll never measure which essentially means “ever” – it will never, ever happen.  Yikes!  I then asked, “Okay, how do I heal this?”  He simply said, “Can you love that you’ll never be enough?”  In that moment, I felt unleashed in my reply of “Yes!”.

So I’ll pose the same question to you – can you love the parts of you that you don’t want to look at or acknowledge?  If you can, you’ll begin to experience true freedom.  Give it a shot.  And remember, like anything it’s a process of integration.

Tip:  Look for the gifts in becoming the opposite of who you never wanted to be – and then look for the gift if you embrace all these aspects.  The best gift to realize is – if you embrace and love your shadow, it will lessen it’s hold on you and stop haunting you.  

As always, it’s your choice.

Fear of Time Running Out

By Brenda Stanton | Feb 19, 2017

“Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures: A fear of time running out.” ~Mitch Albom

Being a creative soul means that you’re more impatient than most.

You most likely walk around on a daily basis feeling an unrelenting feeling of anxiousness – a feeling that, no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to put your finger on what is causing it.

You feel impatient, but why? Why do you
feel as if time keeps passing by and you aren’t comfortable with it?

If you go deeper into the impatience and anxiousness, you’ll most likely find a fear – the fear of time running out before you realize your full potential.

The fear of time running out is a common one – and especially if you’re someone who knows you have a ton of creative potential to realize and express in this lifetime.

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Measuring Your Self-Worth

By Brenda Stanton | Feb 12, 2017

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you’re worthy of the trip.”
~ Glenn Beck from the book The Christmas Sweater

A couple years back I ran a program to help business women learn how-to charge what they’re worth for their services/products.

The program, as with all the Claim Your Worth!® “work”, was all about the inner shifts vs. the outer shifts.

The women who took the course realized this – when you shift how you feel about YOU and your circumstances, the outside shifts dramatically.

Part of these realizations included an initial intake exercise entitled: How Deserving Do You Feel? that I gave the women. Here it is:

Take out a blank piece of paper and turn it to face you horizontally.

Then, draw a line across the page horizontally. On the far left of the page, write the number 1 and the word “Bad Person” next to it. Then, on the far right of the page, write the number 100 with the word “Good Person” next to it.

Then, look at your scale and notice to the far left is a totally “bad person”, and to the far right is a totally “good person”.

Then, ask yourself – where do I fall?

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Trusting The Universe

By Brenda Stanton | Jan 29, 2017

The Universe believes in anything you believe in. ~Sherry Patterson

Have you ever considered the relationship that you have with the Universe?  The highest power there is that birthed you into this world and will also birth you out of it?  Do you trust this energy – or do you have distrust in it?  

It’s a vital question to ask yourself

Consider the statement above.  The Universe believes in anything you believe in.

Therefore, what if you unconsciously believe you aren’t worthy.   If the Universe’s believes in anything that you do, is the o
nly choice to comply with what you believe and show you proof outside of you through your circumstances?

I used to *think* that what I truly wanted was outside of me and the Universe would grant it or keep it from me based on if I was worthy or if I wasn’t.  I didn’t realize that the Universe and I are One – we are bonded, connected, with no separation.  And the Universe has a plan – and if I could allow myself to surrender and trust in that plan – then life
would flow.

We know this when we’re really young.  We know who we are, why we’re here and how truly unique we are.  We know that life has our backs and that there is no need to worry.  We don’t track time.  We don’t worry about money – or anything bad happening.  We were just in the moment enjoying our surroundings.

But then, something – or many things happen – and you take that event or circumstance and begin to tell yourself an excuse about why it happened so it will make sense.  Maybe you told yourself that you must be bad, unworthy or just a piece of crap. Whatever it is – thoughts around this belief begin to multiply and then the limiting story of you gets birthed.

All of us create limiting stories so that our lives can make sense.  Then, we attract circumstances and people into our lives to reflect this back and help us heal it.

I had no idea how strong my mind-dominance was until I worked with coaches who pointed out to me a really powerful analogy of what was showing up in my life.  I told them about journals I have kept since I was in my early – twenties.  I kept them under lock and key in my closet in a “treasure chest”.  The aha moment came when they helped me see that I had a box full of stories telling the same story over and over again about why I couldn’t have what I really wanted.  Yikes!  Needless to say those journals have all been shredded ;)

The journal example was such a great visual of how we have a hamster wheel of thoughts that go around and around – telling and showing us what we believe we’re worth and what believe we’re not.

So, it is with you – the question remains – what you believe about your own self-worth – and what do you believe the Universe believes about your self worth?  Do you believe you’re separate and that you must prove, earn, and/or compete for your worth -to have what you want granted to you?  Or, are you ready for a different way?

If you’re ready for a different way the first step is to become aware of the limiting thoughts that you think – and realize that these are not your Truth.  By becoming aware of your thoughts – you can then begin to see how you view yourself through a limited lens.

Then, give yourself permission to get quiet and let your connection to the Universe/Source give you Truth through no words – only intuition.  You have a path.  You have a destiny.  Believe it or not, that path will not be laid out by plans or what your head *thinks* you *should* do – it is already designed – you just need to Trust yourself and believe in the Truth to start the journey.  

As always it’s your choice.