How Fear Rules Your Life

By Brenda Stanton | Jan 9, 2017

What most of us need to realize is – we have a very intimate relationship with fear.  A relationship where fear is in control.  Fear is who you put first.  Fear overrides your own Truth.

Why?

Because fear is what we all know.  It’s what we’ve been taught to stay “safe”.  And, even though fear keeps you stuck in misery – it feels familiar – it feels like protection.  False protection, but protection none the less.

Someone said to me the other day, if you say – “I’ve always been afraid of x, y or z “- then what do you think you will manifest in the future?  If you say it’s always been this way (in the past) — aren’t you stating, it’s always going to be that way in the future?

Fear is so entrenched in all of us that most don’t realize that its not your Truth.  It’s not your destiny either, but again, it’s been the reality that you’ve *known*.

Fear tells you what you want will never happen.  It tells you that you aren’t worthy of what you truly want.  It convinces you that who you’ve known yourself to be in the past – is who you’ll always be.  Fear keeps you stuck and gripped in a place of non-action.  Or, it keeps you stuck in a place of constant action.  The energy of fear makes you feel worried, frenzied, and restless – as if something terrible is about to happen at any moment – the other shoe is going to drop, and you need to be ready.

Fear is the energy of non-peace.  And, becoming aware of the energy of fear – and how it’s been the primary driver of your life – is the first step.  The second step is to realize that there is another way to BE.

This other way to BE, is to learn the art of trust and surrender – and rather feeling like you always need to be in control and *know* what’s going to happen next,to rather allow things to unfold in the way in which they are meant -to vs. the way in which you *think* they should.

Easier said than done, I know.

To start this process and new way of being – allow yourself to surrender your mind’s version of how you *think* your life should look based on the expectations that you have.  Then, rather than feel like you need to know your next step – or what to do, etc. – give the reins over to the Universe for a change.  Allow yourself to be guided by Truth vs. the fear of something not happening.

The biggest realization I had going into this year is when my own coach said to me:  “You’re trying to create your life and it’s not yours to create.”  Whoa – that hit me between the eyes – because I know that is the Truth.

The Truth is:  your destiny isn’t something you can conjure up in your mind.  Your destiny is what your soul has already agreed to – and it’s pulling you towards it each day.  Your job is to listen, trust and be present in the moment in order to hear it’s guidance.  

But, if you allow fear to be in charge, then you’ll always be afraid of what you’ve always been afraid of – and then nothing can change.  In other words, as someone said to me, as long as your reality has to go off what fear says, fear will win.

A different reality is trying to choose you, your choice is, will you allow it or stop it?  One is letting your soul guide you and the other is letting fear be in charge.  Which will you choose?  Remember, choose yourself first and you’ll always make the best choice.  

Setting Worthy Goals

By Brenda Stanton | Jan 1, 2017

Don’t aim at success – the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… as the unintended side-effect of one’s personal dedication to a course greater than oneself.” ~Victor Frankl

This quote above is very profound and one I suggest you may want to print-out and contemplate.

And what a perfect time to contemplate what success really means to you – as we are embarking on another new year – a year full of hope, anticipation, and excitement – and another year
and chance to ‘get it right’
.

Yet, trying to be successful, or trying to ‘get it right’, can not only cause loads of pressure, tension and stress – it can also feel really unfulfilling.

Think about it – how many times have you ‘gotten the goal’, achieved something that was important to you, and celebrated it – and then felt a deep pressure and a looming anxiety to figure-out what’s next and how you’ll top what you just did?

The habit of constant ‘bar-raising’ never feels fully fulfilling because it’s about achieving goals on the outside and constantly trying to get vs. learning how to give to life so you
can feel worthy of receiving.

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You, Your Life, Your Work in 2017

By Brenda Stanton | Dec 22, 2016

Well, here we are with 2017 upon us!

I hope you have time today to reflect on the past year and all the blessings in your life. And, of course, look forward to the new year and contemplate what means the most to you and what you desire to expand.

Today’s note is one I send each year whose intention is to give you a different way to look at your desires for the new year and to make sure that you include an all important piece that often gets forgotten when you read about shifts and changes for the new year – YOU!

If you desire to experience change and shifts “out there”, rather than work to maneuver and change the vision and image you see “out there”, work on shifting your inner vision. Utilize the outer reflections to give you indications on what needs to shift on the inside and then the outer takes care of itself. In other words, work on shifting your own vibe and you easily and effortlessly attract what you desire.

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Chasing Self Worth

By Brenda Stanton | Dec 18, 2016

 

We all have areas of life where our self-worth feels very high – areas where you don’t struggle, you manifest very easily and have the utmost confidence.  You most likely hardly think about this area of your life – because it doesn’t create a challenge for you – you own your worthiness – it flows easily and effortlessly.

Then, another area of your life feels the exact opposite.  Your self-worth feels fleeting – as if you can’t grasp it no matter how hard you try.  You feel undeserving, unworthy – and can’t put your finger on why.  You feel unable to manifest or make something happen – even though you try to change it, heal it or fix what you perceive to be wrong with you or the situation.   You feel stuck and can’t find a way out.

Imagine the area where your self-worth feels high is like a free-flowing river – it flows.  And the area where your self-worth feels low is like a mouse in a maze – lots of obstacles and you can’t seem to find a way out – or a way to get to the cheese!

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Break Free of Inherited Self Worth Patterns

By Brenda Stanton | Dec 11, 2016

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the holidays approach, there is no doubt you’re making plans to be with family. Perhaps you’re excited and perhaps you are not.

This article is written for those of you who are perhaps dreading being around family energy that may make you feel uncomfortable and bring up old patterns and feelings – that you’d rather not feel.

My advice is to treat the holiday season as a great time to put old wounds into healing – and to become aware of thought patterns that may still be haunting you and holding you back to this day.

Those of you who are committed to the work of self awareness and becoming your True Self, know that we all inherited legacies of self worth patterns that aren’t even our own, but we unconsciously decided to own.

Take for example, a client of mine (who I have permission to share her story without revealing her name) who recently was around a close family member who she has struggled having any kind of relationship with.

As we talked through the feelings that arise within her when she’s around this family member, I suggested she stay awake and aware and nonjudgmental when she observes not only the behavior from the family member, but the behavior that goes on within herself.

What has to be realized is – any judgement, opinion, mean comment, etc. that was bestowed on you by another – was a moment in time that triggered you – and you took that judgement, opinion, or mean comment and told yourself something about it.  In other words, you took on the energy of that individual and told yourself that you’re not worthy, you’re bad, you’re stupid – whatever it was – and then your mind recycled that thought to continue to show up to prove you right time and time again.

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Create a Vision For Yourself

By Brenda Stanton | Nov 26, 2016

“You must go after your wish. As soon as you start to pursue a dream, your life wakes up and everything has meaning.” ~Barbara Sher

I’ve been having many discussions with people as of late –where this is one common denominator: People are craving change and for some new life and energy to be infused back into their lives, work and relationships.

dreamcatcher

Can you relate with this feeling? As if you need a boost, a shot of inspiration, a new vision perhaps?

I find that many people resonate with the saying that Barbara Sher, inspirational author coined: “I know I could do anything if I only knew what “IT” was!”

Again, can you relate with this?

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Courage To Be Your True Self

By Brenda Stanton | Nov 20, 2016

“If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?” ~Gloria Steinem

union

Most of us were taught at an early age to change (more accurately hide) who we really are in order to “fit-into” situations that are uncomfortable – but needed for our survival.

Have you ever considered that the parts of you that you thought were your hold-backs – were just protection mechanisms?

Have you ever considered that you needed to hide away parts of you that are LIGHT, bright, capable, strong, and glowing – in order to not outshine or intimate others?

Again, consider Gloria’s question: “If the shoe doesn’t fit, must we change the foot?”

Unfortunately most of us are taught unconsciously to make the answer to her question a resounding YES!

Yes, I must fit into the job that I hate in order to survive.

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Healing America’s Shadow

By Brenda Stanton | Nov 13, 2016

“Each aspect within us needs understanding and compassion. If we are unwilling to give it to ourselves how can we expect the world to give it to us?”  ~Debbie Ford

This last week’s events with the presidential election have left so many of us, including me, in a state of bewilderment and sadness.

unitedstatesflag

And, rather than discuss the election’s outcome and how wrong it feels, I’d prefer to speak to the deeper meaning that I believe this whole ordeal is teaching us.

First and foremost, nothing can be truly healed unless you are aware of it.  Therefore, what if, having to look at one of the biggest darkest shadows we’ve ever seen in Donald Trump is certainly causing us all to have to look at not only him, but deep within ourselves and ask, what within me and our society as a whole must now go into healing?

See, the Truth is, you can’t recognize, judge or attract anything that isn’t within you.

Therefore, it’s time to ask the really hard questions of ourselves, the questions that most likely make you squirm, but still must be asked.  Here are a few to get us started:

  • How have we, as a collective unconscious attracted this experience of electing a commander in chief such as this – into the spotlight for all of us to see this darkness?
  • How do we now have the opportunity to shed LIGHT on the biggest shadow there is – a personality put into power who has expressed deep hate and disrespect  – especially for women and minorities?
  • Where does this personality we all see in the public eye reflect areas within ourselves that need to go into healing?  Because in Truth, if I judge outside of me, there must be an aspect within me that I judge first.

Trust me, it took me some time to get the point where I could even contemplate “what if” questions and see this from a higher perspective.

On the day after the election, I felt vulnerable being a woman.   Honestly, being a woman born in the USA, and having a mother who owned her own business, I never witnessed a true glass ceiling.

Yet, walking around on Wednesday, I felt exposed, vulnerable and less than – and knew that women across the country and world all felt like we lost something BIG.

Yet, in the same moment, I knew something BIGGER was being birthed for women especially.  I knew there was a higher call for all of us, especially the young women Hillary Clinton spoke to her in speech.

Here are some more questions to contemplate:

  • What if Hillary Clinton was the catalyst for all of us women to know how deeply we want to claim our own power and worth?
  • What if all of us women, especially the younger generation, who came into a world where so many women blazed a trail for us, needed to see there is still so much more do and BE – and we can never ever take our freedom and empowerment for granted?
  • What if all the women coming together in the “secret groups” as Hillary mentioned in her speech, are meant to come out behind the scenes and risk having our voices and Truths heard – and we needed this upset to push us over the edge?

I know this election stirred something deep within me when I woke up the next day feeling the same way I did on 9/11.  I had the same deep sadness and prayed it was all just a bad dream.

Yet, just as we thought we could never get through 9/11 and the aftermath, we did.  Just like we saw the worst in the world that day, we also saw the best of it in people.  Just like we thought the world was taking a turn for the worst, it truly was humanity’s biggest wake-up call.  And, so many people, including myself, heard the call, and decided to answer.  

I believe this election will have the same effect.  Faith. Hope. Love.  Same values we needed on  9/11 – and are the same pillars of strength we need moving forward.

God Bless the United States of America.

Together We Will Rise.

See Life Differently

By Brenda Stanton | Nov 5, 2016

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” ~Marcus Aurelius

You’ve heard the Emerson quote – “Wlook-at-things-differently-copyhat you do speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.”? That who you’re being and what you’re doing is actually more telling than what you’re saying.

 

Well, the same is true with your overall “vibe” – that unconscious language that you give-off each day not only to others “out there” but also the Universe and your overall Source – saying, very loudly, without words – what you want, desire, and yearn to have show-up in your life.

Now, you might be thinking – there are plenty of circumstances and situations in my life now – and in the past – that I didn’t want to have happen, etc. And, traditional teachings about the Law of Attraction, etc. would tell you that you attracted them into your life.

That’s partly true.

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Having Trust Issues?

By Brenda Stanton | Oct 23, 2016

Have you ever considered that Trust is an energy? When I heard someone say that my ears perked up. That is usually what happens when you hear the Truth, you pay attention.

And energy is always in motion – therefore what you trust to happen, happens. It’s Universal Law. This happens because you trust that it WILL. In other words, you WILL it to happen with your trust.

trust-child-picture

What about when you continually intend for something to change or manifest, and you keep getting the same result? Have you asked yourself, what you’re trusting in?

Consider this:

  • Do you trust in doubt more than you trust in what you want?
  • Do you trust that it won’t happen MORE than your trust that it will?
  • Do you trust that if something good happens something bad is right around the corner?

Like everything in your life, this boils down to the trust that you have with yourself. You trust yourself – even in the areas you don’t necessarily want to!

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