A Strong Need To Control

Posted on Jan 22, 2017 | by Brenda Stanton

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Serenity Prayer

If you’re someone who has a strong need to feel in control of your life, your circumstances, your finances, your success, your relationships, your household, other people, the weather, etc. – you are definitely not alone.

The other day I found myself in major over-thinking, analysis paralysis mode – thinking things through – and trying to know an outcome that couldn’t possibly be known, yet.

So as I sat there in my car stopped at a red light (I usually have major epiphanies in the car by the way), I noticed a car up ahead of me with the back window down and a child’s hand hanging out the window. They were waving a white tissue out the car window and simply allowing it to blow in the wind.

These mini miracles never cease to amaze me and the other day was no different. I got the message loud and clear…”Wave the white flag Brenda. Hand it over. Let it go.” Which I did and I felt much better, much more free, more joyful and calm. Come to think of it, I don’t even remember what I was ruminating about that day – and it was only two days ago!

As I’ve written in other articles unmet needs drive us – they unconsciously motivate us to take action, or, to not take action.

This is why delving deeper into what’s motivating you to do what you do is so critical because once you get beyond your basic needs and realize where they truly get met, you set yourself free to experience more joy and love in your life.

If you have a strong need to try to control your circumstances consider that you have a strong need for certainty which manifests into all sorts of needs around feeling safe and secure – and doing your best to avoid any pain and suffering.

From a quality of life perspective, this mentality of trying to control everything is exhausting!

In truth, what happens is the need for control turns into a feeling of not having any. What you may think gives you control over your circumstances (i.e. If I worry enough maybe this situation will change or I can avoid pain), actually gives you the exact opposite of what you want – more stress!

Check-out the Worthy Work below for some tips to help set you free from the shackles of trying to control life into the arms of Faith.


So how do you make the switch to living a higher quality of life where your time feels peaceful, and you know that all is well regardless of your present circumstances? Where you have Hope, Trust and Faith in a bright future?

Here are 3 main keys to help you learn how-to let go of control and switch from a consistent feeling of “I will survive” to “I am thriving”:

    • Key #1: Trust In Your Higher Power – a strong need to try to control your life circumstances (both present and future) is based on a foundational false belief that you are completely responsible for your life all by yourself. This is a frightening ‘reality’ where you believe that you are completely alone and completely responsible for your life. This belief causes an immense amount of tension, fear and inadequacy. Your goal: begin to trust that whatever you feel a need to control and what you fear the most – must be given over to the Divine. Ask for guidance and most importantly not only listen to the guidance that you hear but follow it!
    • Key #2: Know what you can control and what you can’t – in order to achieve results you must take action – the key is knowing what action to take. This is where Key #1 comes in again – trusting your instincts, trusting what you know in your gut, trusting the Big Vision that the Universe has for you – and trusting that you are the person who is capable of fulfilling that vision. Your goal: take risks, trust that you’ll be fine no matter, and choose to live, not just survive.
  • Key #3: Surrender Your Results: a strong need to control results in feeling very, very frustrated and it’s also very egotistical. Know this – whatever happens with your results – they are in your highest good. Even if you don’t receive the results you want, you’ll get the results you need. Your goal: work as hard as you can and then surrender the results. When in doubt, see Key #1 :)

Just know that this process takes practice – and be gentle as you allow yourself to believe more fully in a friendly Universe – and that whatever happens is happening for your highest good.


To Your Worth!

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