A SELF Sabotage Story

Posted on Jul 11, 2011 | by Brenda Stanton

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

Last week’s article – was a popular one with many of you.

I’m so glad that a platform such as the Oprah Show and the network OWN allows me to show you how others – especially well known women – who you may think “have it “ALL”, struggle with self-worth and most importantly – feeling worthy of living a happy, joyful, creative, meaningful, successful, abundant life.

Take for example a well known, amazing author and teacher – Iyanla Vanzant – whom recently returned to the Oprah show after she and Oprah had a falling out. For years Iyanla was a guest on the show. Every other week, Oprah would give her the stage and allow her to counsel and teach the audience on the subject of relationships.

Iyanla was extremely effective and popular, and eventually caught the eye of another network who invited her to dinner with Barbara Walters. The purpose of the dinner was to discuss the potential for Iyanla to do her own show on that network.

Due to Iyanla’s loyalty to Harpo Productions, and her personal respect for Oprah, Iyanla turned the offer down; However, the idea of having her own show intrigued her and she felt in her soul it was time for that to happen.

Before reading on, please watch this video to see where a huge mis-understanding between Oprah and Iyanla came about when Iyanla approached the Harpo team about having her own show.

In this one brief conversation, so many KEY learning’s around self-worth and feeling worthy of receiving exist:

  • Iyanla was seeking validation and acceptance outside of herself and thought Oprah Winfrey was her Source for giving her that validation
  • Iyanla said that she didn’t feel worthy of receiving the gift that Oprah had given her (to have the stage on the show all to herself) and she couldn’t receive it because she didn’t struggle or work hard enough for it
  • Iyanla ended up sabotaging herself from having her own show with either Barbara Walters or Oprah and was left without any offers – and eventually lost all her money and went into tremendous debt

    What this example and story means, especially around the importance of self-worth is: you must do the inner work first in order to not only know, but believe, that you’re worthy of success, abundance, joy and having MORE before you actually can not only acquire, but KEEP what it is that you manifest.

    Iyanla is a beautiful, real-world example of someone who had it ALL and lost it. Some would say it’s self-sabotage – and in many ways it is. Yet, the way I see it is: It’s SELF sabotage – with a capital “S”.

    What if the Universe meant “it” to be this way? What if Iyanla – the million-dollar author she was at the time, needed this experience in order for her to do her best work in the world and prepare for what’s next? What if the worst of times prepare you (and others you’ll eventually serve) for the best of times?

    Not such an easy concept to embrace, especially when you’re going through it. But it does have an immense healing quality to it. It helps in not feeling so darn responsible for bad things that happen – when you can see it in this Light.

    Especially when you see the beautiful book that Iyanla wrote that came out of this adversity: Peace From Broken Pieces – which we all know – will help so many people going through a similiar situation.

    Another piece of the story, I want to make sure to mention is – Iyanla explained that she lost it “All” because she had a ‘welfare mentality’ – which means that – in order for her to receive and have (not necessarily keep) MORE – she needed to be down-and-out. She needed to be down to her last dollar in order to be able to receive any more.

    She needed to be scraping by and suffering in order to justify having, and asking for more.

    Consider that for a moment and if it resonates ask yourself: What past experiences and circumstances make me believe I need to struggle and strive in order to have more and ask for more – even if I have “enough” to “get by”?

    To give more insight around this question, check-out the Worthy Work below where I give you some ideas to further sink-in the message.



    When you consider Iyalna’s story, where do you see the possible parallels for you in your life – especially around the area of receiving without the struggle, the sacrifice and feeling worthy of having what is being given to you?

    Then, consider one area in your life, work, and/or relationships that feels like a big drain to you – but you feel you *have to* endure it and tolerate it in order to get another need met.

    Examples could include – staying in a job you hate but you need the paycheck. Or, having a friend who drains your energy big time but at least you can say you have friends – even if it feels completely like a one-way friendship! You get the picture.

    Then, simply contemplate your ability to receive without having to endure a huge sacrifice. Consider things being easier – such as earning money at something you’re really, really good at. Yet, because it comes so natural to you – you take it for granted and don’t value enough – especially to earn a living at it!

    Then, ask yourself: If it could be easier, breezier and less stressful, what would that look like? Paint a picture in your mind – that is informed from your heart/soul. Then, tap into how you’d be feeling actually experiencing that vision. What words come to you about how you’d be feeling – the feelings are the most important piece of the exercise.

    I’ll be sharing more insights about feeling worthy of not only receiving – but keeping/owning what you have received – in future articles. Meanwhile, enjoy contemplating your worthy future!


    To Your Worth!

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